Muppets Most Wanted (2014)

Tina Fey: Nadya

Photos 

Quotes 

• Nadya : Good night, Danny Trejo.

• [Kermit tries to sneak out through a secret tunnel in his cell] 

  Nadya : [in the tunnel]  It's the first escape everyone tries!

  [Kermit disguises himself as a laundry worker] 

  Nadya : [in Kermit's laundry]  It's the second escape people try!

  [Kermit travels through the lavatory sewers] 

  Nadya : [on a toilet seat]  Third way!

• Kermit the Frog : [seeing the front page of Nadya's newspaper]  Hey, wait a second. That's them! That's my friends! What happened to 'em?

  Nadya : "Dominic Badguy. An interview with the brains behind the Muppets' triumphant comeback world tour."

  Kermit the Frog : What?

  Nadya : It seems your friends do not need you anymore. They have forgotten about you.

  Kermit the Frog : Oh, no, no, no. They... they wouldn't. They-they-they couldn't. We're a family.

  Nadya : Family? No one believes in family in the gulag, frog. People are only ever out for themselves.

• Nadya : [foiling Kermit's escape attempts]  Give up, frog. I have Netflix account with search keywords "prison escape." I have seen every prison movie ever made. Even the ones in space.

• Nadya : If you are not Constantine, why do you have that mole?

  Kermit the Frog : It's not real. Someone glued it to my lip.

  Nadya : As far as authorities are concerned, you are Constantine. Glue or no glue. Make yourself comfortable. You're going to be here a while.

  Kermit the Frog : I wouldn't be so sure. My friends will come here soon!

  Nadya : Now, lights out!

  [as the lights go out, a clattering is heard] 

  Nadya : Turn them back on! I can't see anything.

  [the lights come back on] 

  Nadya : [getting to her feet]  You have to wait until I'm, like, out of the hallway. It's figure of speech.

• Nadya : We have annual lighthearted Gulag Revue coming up. It is that or they riot. I thought you might help me.

  Kermit the Frog : Uh... well, the thing is, Nadya, I'm sort of done doing that, but thanks for the offer.

  Nadya : This is not offer. This is prison. You are going to help me. Rehearsals tomorrow, 4:00 a.m. Or I put you on the Wall.

  Kermit the Frog : The Wall? W-Why would I be afraid of a wall?

  [outside in the snow, she licks his back and throws him onto a wall with other prisoners] 

  Pops : Just direct the show. You'll never escape.

  Kermit the Frog : Uh... what time did you say that rehearsal was?

  [she yanks him off] 

  Kermit the Frog : Ouch!

• Nadya : Arrest him! Arrest that frog!

  Kermit the Frog : Nadya? Wait. For what?

  Nadya : For leading the largest mass break-out in Gulag history. You will get 30 years. Maybe 50.

  Kermit the Frog : But...

  Nadya : No "buts", Kermit. You didn't finish Gulag Annual Revue, and you didn't even say goodbye.

• Walter : We're sorry, Kermit. We're sorry that we didn't notice you were missing. We're sorry we didn't tell you often enough how much you mean to all of us. We're sorry we ever took you for granted. But that's never going to happen again. Because if Kermit has to go back to the Gulag...

  [holding out his wrists] 

  Walter : ...you'll have to take me, too.

  Fozzie Bear : You're my best friend, Kermit. Wherever you go, I go. You'll have to take me, too.

  The Great Gonzo : And me. Kermit, we convinced ourselves that evil frog was you because he gave us what we thought we wanted.

  Rowlf the Dog : When what we really wanted...

  Scooter : What we really needed...

  Miss Piggy : Was you, Kermit. The actual, real you.

  Nadya : It would appear you were right, Kermit. I guess this is your family. And families belong together. You are free to go. Forever.