Muppets Most Wanted (2014)
Steve Whitmire: Kermit the Frog, Foo Foo, Statler, Beaker, Lips, Rizzo the Rat, Link Hogthrob, The Newsman
Photos
Quotes
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Walter : Do you guys think that Kermit's been acting a little weird lately?
Miss Piggy : That's ridiculous! He's never been so caring and devoted to me!
Rizzo : Yeah, that's what we are saying!
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Kermit : You mean all this time I've been trapped in a Russian Gulag, no one, not one single person from the Muppets, except Animal, noticed I'd been replaced by an evil criminal mastermind?
Fozzie Bear : It sounds worse than it was...
Walter : No, it's as bad as it sounds.
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Rowlf the Dog : [On the sign in German] Die Muppets?
Waldorf : It looks like the reviews are out early.
Statler : Or maybe that's the suggestion box.
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Miss Piggy : You may be the world's most dangerous frog, but you're still a FROG!
[beats up Constantine]
Miss Piggy : [in between punches] NO - ONE - TRICKS - ME - INTO - MARRYING - THEM - AND - THEN - HURTS - MY - KERMIE!
Constantine : [dazed] What a woman...
Kermit : Yeah, MY woman! And I believe this belongs to you!
[smacks Constantine with his mole]
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Kermit : The weakest point in the gulag is over there, by the fourth wall.
[Kermit, Fozzie, Walter, and Animal turn and stare at the camera for several long seconds]
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[first lines]
First AD : And cut!
Walter : Wow, that was so amazing!
Kermit : Walter, you did a wonderful job.
Walter : Thank you, Kermit. Did we get that?
Miss Piggy : We got it.
Kermit : We got it, yup.
First AD : [speaks into bullhorn] Movie's over, people, go home. That is a wrap.
Scooter : Okay, nice work, everyone. Make sure to fill out your I-9's, and we'll see you on the next one.
Scooter : [crew leaves the set] So uh, what do we do now?
Fozzie Bear : Well, we're together again. We got the theater and all our fans are back.
Rowlf the Dog : Actually, those were extras.
Fozzie Bear : I saw a few tapping their toes.
Scooter : Yeah, those were paid dancers.
Fozzie Bear : Oh.
Miss Piggy : Or, maybe since we're all here, now could be the perfect time for you and me to tie the knot, Kermie.
Kermit : [stammering] Well... I mean, maybe I could-...
Walter : Hey, what's the camera still doing here?
Statler : Oh no, disaster! That can only mean one thing!
Waldorf : Doggone it, you're right.
Statler : Mm-hmm.
Waldorf : It looks like they've ordered a sequel.
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Kermit : Bear left!
Fozzie Bear : Right, frog!
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Kermit : Piggy, I'm sorry I ruined your wedding...
Miss Piggy : Oh, Kermie... I'm so glad you did.
[they kiss]
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Kermit , Fozzie Bear , Miss Piggy , Gonzo , Rowlf the Dog , Scooter : [singing 'We're Doing A Sequel'] We're doing a sequel...
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : I don't mean to be a stickler, But this is the seventh sequel to our original motion picture
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Miss Piggy : Is this a good time to discuss our upcoming European wedding?
Kermit the Frog : No, actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
Miss Piggy : Perfect! I have 23 swatches for the seat covers for the reception, eight font choices for the menu, which, by the way, we are not serving flies.
Kermit the Frog : Piggy, what are you talking about?
Miss Piggy : I'm just trying to involve you in some of the decision-making, dear.
Kermit the Frog : What about being involved in the decision to get married in the first place, huh?
Miss Piggy : Oh, Kermit, you never let me do what I want!
Kermit the Frog : Oh, yeah? Well, what about what I want, huh? What about that? I-I haven't even proposed yet.
Miss Piggy : You can do that on our honeymoon.
Kermit the Frog : What? That-that's insane! Do you hear what you're saying?
Miss Piggy : Insane? How dare you call your fiancee insane?
Kermit the Frog : You are not my fiancee! We are not engaged! A-And as a matter of fact, the way this particular conversation is going right now... well... I'm fine with that!
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Kermit the Frog : Hold on, hold on! There must be some mistake! Don't you know me? I-I'm Kermit the Frog!
German Cop : Silence, Constantine. The game is up.
Kermit the Frog : Who?
[turning and seeing Constantine's wanted poster, he screams]
Kermit the Frog : Oh, no, no! Wait a minute! I'm Kermit the Frog! Guys, this is a mistake, I'm telling you!
[getting thrown into the back of a police van]
Kermit the Frog : Hey, hey! Hello! Somebody! Open up! I'm an Amphibian-American!
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The Newsman : Muppet News Flash! Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog, has escaped from a maximum-security Gulag in Siberia, Russia. This move has leapfrogged Constantine to the number-one most wanted criminal in the world, one place ahead of the mysterious Lemur.
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Kermit , Gonzo , Fozzie Bear , Miss Piggy , Rowlf the Dog , Scooter : [singing 'We're Doing A Sequel'] We're doing a sequel
Beaker : [Beaker is teleported into a monitor with a test pattern screen, running frantically] Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
Kermit , Gonzo , Fozzie Bear , Miss Piggy , Rowlf the Dog , Scooter : Let's give it a shot,
Kermit : All we need now is a half-decent plot...
Gonzo : Got it: an epic love story between a very handsome, long-nosed, purple thing and a beautiful chicken.
Gonzo : [the scenery falls over] I call it: "Gonzo With the Wind".
Camilla : [Camilla clucks]
Kermit : Does anybody have any other ideas?
Fozzie Bear : Oh, oh! It's about getting the Muppets back together again to stop an evil oil baron from demolishing the old studio!
Kermit : Fozzie, did you even watch our last film?
Miss Piggy : It's about a frog who marries a beautiful, perfect pig, and they have to kiss each other a lot!
Kermit : Uh...
Swedish Chef : [subtitled Swedish-sounding gibberish] How about a film on the existential conundrum of religious faith?
Kermit : I don't think Americans watch subtitled films.
Dominic Badguy : [Ricky Gervais appearing as himself] Kermit, how about the Muppets go on a world tour?
Kermit : [Kermit gasps in surprise] That's perfect!
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Kermit the Frog : [Dominic wants to change the venue of their first show] Guys, I-I'm not sure we can do this, you know?
Dominic Badguy : Okay, let's put this to the vote. All those in favor of believing in ourselves, raise your hands.
Kermit the Frog : [hands are raised] That's not what I'm saying.
Dominic Badguy : And all those in favor of just giving up.
Kermit the Frog : [with a sigh] I can't believe I'm voting for giving up.
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The Great Gonzo : Hey, I have an amazing idea for an act. It's called the indoor running of the bulls.
Kermit the Frog : Gonzo, I've told you, that act is far too dangerous.
The Great Gonzo : Actually, Kermit, I was asking Dominic what he thinks.
Kermit the Frog : Good grief.
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Dominic Badguy : Don't take it personally. They still love you. They just prefer me now.
Kermit the Frog : Uh, thank you, Dominic. That's very comforting.
Dominic Badguy : Do you know what I think helps sometimes in situations like this?
Kermit the Frog : What?
Dominic Badguy : A walk alone in the fog in former East Berlin. Maybe along a deserted canal.
[he shows Kermit a map with a large arrow literally labeled "deserted canal"]
Kermit the Frog : Well, I guess a quiet stroll is not a bad idea. Let the others know I've gone, will you?
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Kermit the Frog : I've booked us into cabaret bars and coffee houses all across the industrial cities of Northern Germany. Dusseldorf, Hamburg, Mudburg, Vomitdorf.
Fozzie Bear : Poopenburgen?
Kermit the Frog : Fozzie, have a solid week booked in Poopenburgen.
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Kermit the Frog : Since we're playing such a big theater, let's stick with what we know. We'll open with a cabaret number...
The Great Gonzo : Kermit, when do I do the indoor running of the bulls?
[a bull bellows, and the other Muppets jump as its crate rocks]
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : Mr. Kermit, sir? I would very much like to demonstrate my magnetic bomb-attractor vest.
Kermit the Frog : [Beaker approaches in said suit] Bunsen, why would you even invent one of those?
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew : Why did I invent the unexpectedly exploding cupcake?
[inside Beaker's helmet, said cupcake explodes]
The Great Gonzo : Hey, what about Muppet Ladder?
Kermit the Frog : Muppet Ladder? That's never, ever worked, Gonzo. Last time we all tried that was twenty years ago, and you ended up in a cast for six months.
The Great Gonzo : Yeah, good times.
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Kermit the Frog : Piggy, why do you need so much luggage?
Miss Piggy : For our honeymoon, of course!
Kermit the Frog : For our what?
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Dominic Badguy : I want you to conquer the world. Do an international tour. Show a global audience what you can do.
Kermit the Frog : [over the other Muppets' excited chatter] Yeah, that sounds great, but I-I'm just not sure... wait, wait a second, guys, listen. I'd love to do that, too. But we've barely gotten back together. We don't want to mess that up.
Dominic Badguy : Okay, I am inundated with offers of management at the moment. One Direction, U2, Cirque du Soleil. Just some of the acts I can list.
Fozzie Bear : [exclaiming in awe] Wow, that's a good list!
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Kermit the Frog : [seeing the front page of Nadya's newspaper] Hey, wait a second. That's them! That's my friends! What happened to 'em?
Nadya : "Dominic Badguy. An interview with the brains behind the Muppets' triumphant comeback world tour."
Kermit the Frog : What?
Nadya : It seems your friends do not need you anymore. They have forgotten about you.
Kermit the Frog : Oh, no, no, no. They... they wouldn't. They-they-they couldn't. We're a family.
Nadya : Family? No one believes in family in the gulag, frog. People are only ever out for themselves.
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Nadya : If you are not Constantine, why do you have that mole?
Kermit the Frog : It's not real. Someone glued it to my lip.
Nadya : As far as authorities are concerned, you are Constantine. Glue or no glue. Make yourself comfortable. You're going to be here a while.
Kermit the Frog : I wouldn't be so sure. My friends will come here soon!
Nadya : Now, lights out!
[as the lights go out, a clattering is heard]
Nadya : Turn them back on! I can't see anything.
[the lights come back on]
Nadya : [getting to her feet] You have to wait until I'm, like, out of the hallway. It's figure of speech.
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Nadya : We have annual lighthearted Gulag Revue coming up. It is that or they riot. I thought you might help me.
Kermit the Frog : Uh... well, the thing is, Nadya, I'm sort of done doing that, but thanks for the offer.
Nadya : This is not offer. This is prison. You are going to help me. Rehearsals tomorrow, 4:00 a.m. Or I put you on the Wall.
Kermit the Frog : The Wall? W-Why would I be afraid of a wall?
[outside in the snow, she licks his back and throws him onto a wall with other prisoners]
Pops : Just direct the show. You'll never escape.
Kermit the Frog : Uh... what time did you say that rehearsal was?
[she yanks him off]
Kermit the Frog : Ouch!
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The Newsman : Here's a Muppet newsflash. The years of waiting are over. The biggest "will they, won't they?" of all times has been answered with a firm "They will." Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy are to be married! That's right, folks. They're finally tying the knot.
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Constantine : Comrades, I'm afraid I have bad news. Walter and Fonzie have quit the Muppets.
Lew Zealand : [the group gasps] Wait. You can quit the Muppets?
Rowlf the Dog : Wait a second. Walter quit the Muppets? We just did a whole movie where he joined the Muppets.
Floyd Pepper : Yeah, we sure spent a lot of time on it.
Rizzo the Rat : Ha! I'll say. Maybe even at the expense of other long-standing, beloved Muppets. Come on, Robin.
Robin : [following him out] Coming.
Constantine : Well, as the old saying goes... the show must continue, in a timely fashion.
The Great Gonzo : Wait. Fozzie and Walter are part of our family. We can't let them go without a fight.
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Kermit the Frog : The wedding, i-it's starting.
[seeing Piggy in her wedding dress]
Kermit the Frog : She looks beautiful. Fozzie, we got to do something.
Fozzie Bear : Oh, this is so frustrating!
[stomping his foot, it goes through the car's floor]
Fozzie Bear : Wow, would you look at that? Now that's a poorly-made car.
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Jean Pierre Napoleon : The Lemur! I have you finally!
Sam Eagle : And Constantine, the world's most dangerous frog!
Kermit the Frog : No, no, no.
Sam Eagle : As you might say, case sol-ved.
Jean Pierre Napoleon : [inexplicably, he's changed his clothes and his family has appeared] Perfect! Time for my annual eight-week paid vacation. Au revoir.
Sam Eagle : No, wait! What am I supposed to do with them until the mobile holding unit arrives?
Jean Pierre Napoleon : [leaving] On holiday!
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Kermit the Frog : I thought you guys had forgotten about me. That... that you didn't need me anymore.
Fozzie Bear : We'd never forget about you.
Walter : We need you more than ever, Kermit.
Animal : Good frog.
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Link Hogthrob : Hmm, let's see. Where am I seated? I'll need an usher. Usher? Is there an usher?
The Usher : Yes. I'm the Usher. Pig or frog?
Link Hogthrob : What do you think?
The Usher : I don't know, man. Pig?
Link Hogthrob : No. Frog. I'm related through marriage. What kind of an usher are you?
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Miss Piggy : Well, there's only one true way to settle this. First Kermit. Will you marry me?
Constantine : Yes, of course, let's go! The helicopter is waiting, my love!
Miss Piggy : And you, the other Kermit... will you marry me?
Kermit the Frog : [stammering] Well, I mean, I... I would. I mean, I could. It's...
Miss Piggy : That's my Kermit!
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Kermit the Frog : Piggy's gonna marry the world's most dangerous frog tomorrow? Piggy and the gang are in danger! To London!
Walter , Fozzie Bear : No. Kermit!
Kermit the Frog : [as he hurries to the exit, gunshots keep him at bay] Oh, yeah. I forgot. I'm in a gulag. Sorry about that, Ivan!
Ivan the Guard : It's okay! No problem, Kermit. It's easy mistake.
Kermit the Frog : Right. Thanks for not shooting me!
Ivan the Guard : Sure. No prob... hey, nothing personal.
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Nadya : Arrest him! Arrest that frog!
Kermit the Frog : Nadya? Wait. For what?
Nadya : For leading the largest mass break-out in Gulag history. You will get 30 years. Maybe 50.
Kermit the Frog : But...
Nadya : No "buts", Kermit. You didn't finish Gulag Annual Revue, and you didn't even say goodbye.
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Kermit the Frog : We still have to finish our world tour. And I know where we need to play next. For one night only... Siberia, Russia!
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Kermit the Frog : It's always good to start with an up-tempo song and dance and then go into a comedy routine.
Big Papa : But we like Boyz II Men!
Prison King : It is Big Papa's favorite song. Lot of emotions in that song for him.
Danny Trejo : I'm not learning no other song. I'm a triple threat! A singer, a dancer, and a murderer!
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Kermit the Frog , Gonzo , Fozzie Bear , Miss Piggy , Rowlf the Dog , Scooter : We're doing a sequel.
Kermit the Frog : Let's give it a go.
Tony Bennett : With Hollywood stars.
Lady Gaga : And more one-liner cameos.
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[Deleted scene; Kermit sneaks into the Tower of London, carrying a large bouquet. Dominic sees him going past]
Dominic Badguy : [thinking Kermit is Constantine] What are you doing here? You're supposed to get ready, Number One.
[He points to the mole planted on Kermit's face]
Dominic Badguy : And also, your thing is showing.
Kermit : Uh, yes. Uh...
[He clears his throat and puts on his best Constantine voice]
Kermit : Yes, of course. I know that you, you, you complete idiot. Why do you think I am walking around with these flowers to cover my face?
Dominic Badguy : Alright, calm down.
Kermit : [slips into his regular voice] Thank you.
[He starts to walk away before realizing that Dominic could have found him out]
Kermit : For nothing!
