The Astrologer is proof that we are not in the Matrix! A movie like this can only be appreciated in a cult status. Falling short to only 77 minutes, it is a far cry from anything feature length with a real plot or story. This cry for help is 77 minutes of Mommy issues, low self esteem and privilege chaos. From the mind of Craig Denney, this is his attempt for love and acceptance. Whether you want to consider this "movie" as a potential investment to either promote astrology or the attempt to brand Craig Denney as anything special, the "movie" is a complete failure on so many levels. For starters, the movie / story is not good. As for Denney, we do not care about his character or himself. He is not the protagonist in any way outside of having the entire story rotate around his well fed birthright. His shirtless scenes are evidence of just that. Denney never missed a meal and wants to use his baby fat physique to attract something whether it be male or female. At least Matthew. McConaughey has spent years to develop his ego along with his body. His shirtless scenes are defended and has an audience. Denney on the other hand uses the Astrologer as a calling card for something bigger than him. The movie failed to make money. The movie also failed to make a name for himself or to promote an existing business properly. In the end, the Astrologer is compared to Tommy Wiseau's The Room because of his self financing of the film and Denney's similarities to Wiseau's motivation to make the movie. Denney states from the very beginning of the movie that his his character is a criminal, a thief and a liar. From there, we go along on the journey with this broken character. His rise to power, fame and wealth falls apart as the movie ends abruptly, poolside with the news of his Mother's. Death. Although we know about his mother for less than 30 seconds of the entire movie, she is the climax of the movie. Why? The Astrologer is without a doubt self autobiographical. The moral and the message Denney tried to tell his audience is somewhere hidden in the final Shakespearean quote in the end credits. With that said, the audience is left with a loss. Denney's attempt to make a connection with his story falls sadly short. Movies that are so bad they are good is the only saving grace for the Astrologer.
7 Reviews
My crystal ball says you'll be bored and confused
dkeizer0529 March 2021
Warning: Spoilers
This "lost gem" is bad in every way. It is entertainingly bad in some ways, bizarre in others, but I can't recommend this as a good time because it suffers from long stretches of being boring.
I think maybe the payoff to watching The Astrologer is that you will now be qualified to attempt to describe this nonsense, which might be fun?
And here we go:
This dude Craig Alexander is a con man who works at the circus as a failed psychic and his woman leaves him because he's too poor to get married so he hooks up with this wealthy couple to help them smuggle diamonds so they go to Kenya and the husband gets bit by a snake and even though Craig just had a rifle in the prior scene he sells the wife to this riverboat guy for a boat and a rifle and then he returns and murders the boatman mid-coitus so now he has to flee the country and the wife dies because Craig ditches her while she's drowning in quicksand so Craig makes it the coast where he is able to hitchhike on this old guy's yacht while "Tuesday Afternoon" plays and the rest of the film will be sprinkled with snippets from their Days of Future Passed record so Craig makes it to Tahiti and attempts to sell these cursed diamonds multiple times, he murders a man with a bottle and the Kenyan police are after him but finally he arranges a deal we're talking 2 million dollars for these jewels that look like they were taken out of a chandelier also he has Naked Gun sex with some blonde lady except instead of all the stock footage of phallic objects it's two cigarette butts in a urinal just to remind you that you're watching the most dismal inept pile of crap ever to stain a reel of film so off camera of course he turns 2 million into 200 million dollars and he's selling horoscopes to the navy like that's even a thing and he looks up his old girlfriend who is now a prostitute and he marries her and makes her a film star and basically the last 20 minutes is him being a stupid jerk until his marriage ends and his astrology empire crumbles oh yeah he makes a movie about himself and watches the movie and there are numerous other scenes where we are just watching something completely unrelated on a television and yeah it just kind of ends but trust me man it's not as cool as it sounds.
But admittedly I was able to make it without turning it off and some of the camera angles and weird random visual effects like I've never seen anything like them.
Also, contrary to the description given here this guy doesn't even do any astrology at all. It's pretty just him being terrible.
I think maybe the payoff to watching The Astrologer is that you will now be qualified to attempt to describe this nonsense, which might be fun?
And here we go:
This dude Craig Alexander is a con man who works at the circus as a failed psychic and his woman leaves him because he's too poor to get married so he hooks up with this wealthy couple to help them smuggle diamonds so they go to Kenya and the husband gets bit by a snake and even though Craig just had a rifle in the prior scene he sells the wife to this riverboat guy for a boat and a rifle and then he returns and murders the boatman mid-coitus so now he has to flee the country and the wife dies because Craig ditches her while she's drowning in quicksand so Craig makes it the coast where he is able to hitchhike on this old guy's yacht while "Tuesday Afternoon" plays and the rest of the film will be sprinkled with snippets from their Days of Future Passed record so Craig makes it to Tahiti and attempts to sell these cursed diamonds multiple times, he murders a man with a bottle and the Kenyan police are after him but finally he arranges a deal we're talking 2 million dollars for these jewels that look like they were taken out of a chandelier also he has Naked Gun sex with some blonde lady except instead of all the stock footage of phallic objects it's two cigarette butts in a urinal just to remind you that you're watching the most dismal inept pile of crap ever to stain a reel of film so off camera of course he turns 2 million into 200 million dollars and he's selling horoscopes to the navy like that's even a thing and he looks up his old girlfriend who is now a prostitute and he marries her and makes her a film star and basically the last 20 minutes is him being a stupid jerk until his marriage ends and his astrology empire crumbles oh yeah he makes a movie about himself and watches the movie and there are numerous other scenes where we are just watching something completely unrelated on a television and yeah it just kind of ends but trust me man it's not as cool as it sounds.
But admittedly I was able to make it without turning it off and some of the camera angles and weird random visual effects like I've never seen anything like them.
Also, contrary to the description given here this guy doesn't even do any astrology at all. It's pretty just him being terrible.
Friends of Sandy Chadbourne and Craig Denney
lewgordon11 October 2015
Craig Denney was a neighbor of mine and Sandy Chadbourne was a very close friend of our family in the early 1970's. Sandy tried getting my Father as an investor in the film and he declined. The film was a flop from the get-go. Craig was really cool in many ways that I cannot divulge since I was a minor but a lot of fun to be around and had a gorgeous home in Alamitos Heights of Long Beach, CA. This was our neighborhood. I befriended him one day when he was working in his front yard. The rest is history let's just say. I know Craig passed many years ago but I have so many fun and fond memories of him and driving his 1975 White Cadillac Eldorado. My Mom liked it so much she bought one in 1976 identical to Craig's.
The Room before The Room
Manuel-Hoerth30 June 2022
It's one of those movies which from any conventional angle is a really bad movie, but then again there is something indescribable about it that while not redeeming in any way, certainly launches it in the "so bad it's good" category. There is a rumor that they shot it without a script and it's either that or the script they had was just really bad. So either way, the story makes absolutely no sense and is all over the place and the editing is just ridiculously disjointed.
So on the one hand it's a really ridiculously bad movie, but on the other hand it actually isn't. I mean some of the shots are actually quite nice and must have cost a lot of money to make back in the day with a LOT of gorgeous and expensive location shoots. So it certainly wasn't cheap to make.
So it's really hard to rate the movie - because objectively it's really bad, but it has a certain charm to it and it has some really gorgeous and well done shots that you would not find in any other B-Movie.
So on the one hand it's a really ridiculously bad movie, but on the other hand it actually isn't. I mean some of the shots are actually quite nice and must have cost a lot of money to make back in the day with a LOT of gorgeous and expensive location shoots. So it certainly wasn't cheap to make.
So it's really hard to rate the movie - because objectively it's really bad, but it has a certain charm to it and it has some really gorgeous and well done shots that you would not find in any other B-Movie.
what
DanTheMan2150AD27 April 2023
The Astrologer is an absolute treat of a trainwreck, showing that one filmmaker's passion project is another man's vanity film. The history of the film is actually more interesting than the zero-budget transcendental Citizen Kane wannabe and that is saying something. One-time director/writer/producer/star Craig Denney (who may or may not have faked his own death), crafts one of the best examples of throwing everything at the wall and seeing what sticks you'll ever witness. There's no flow to the movie, things just happen with ideas getting dropped just as quickly as they get picked up, it's utterly deranged and yet strangely compelling. Definitely, the type of movie that begs to be watched with friends and a few beers.
RUN, do not walk TO SEE this film.
ebubier-6983729 April 2018
** JULY 2021 EDIT **
This film has entered the digital ether. It is "out there" on the internet for those willing to hunt a little bit.
**end of edit**
Unique.
I just saw "The Astrologer" at the Atlanta Film Festival (April 2018). Absolutely unbelievable. It is currently unavailable on DVD, or anywhere that I could find on the web. Apparently due to the stolen Moody Blues tunes, it can only be screened theatrically.
Reading about the film on the web after seeing it, know that there is a lot of inaccurate info about "The Astrologer".
Writers have compared this film to Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" . No comparison. (It may actually be closer to Timothy Carey's "The World's Greatest Sinner", just less constrained by both financial limitations and Denny's Superego). For fans of bad movies "The Astrologer" blows "The Room" away. It's not bad the way Ed Wood or 70's Women in Prison movies are bad. "The Astrologer" is in a class by itself - and pretty much defies accurate description by the written word. I was speechless leaving the theater - dumbfounded - in awe of the ego and ineptitude.
The last two times I had as unique an experience at the movies were: 1 - the first time I saw John Waters' Female Trouble.
And - 2 - leaving Roman Polanski's "Repulsion" the entire theater exited in silence.
In other words, "The Astrologer" is one of those movies that will affect you (though it may be closer to Waters' work than Polanski's)
THE PLOT -
I'm not going to discuss the plot much because it is irrelevant to the cinematic experience one has here - and you can read about it elsewhere if you really need to know. Seeing this alone, at home on TV would be infinitely less satisfying than seeing it in a crowded theater. Like Hitchcock films, the shared movie experience absolutely enhances a viewing of "The Astrologer"
Craig Denney, director and star, has a huge ego, and then some. The story is about him. Basically it is the story of an astrologer who becomes a star, rich and famous and makes a movie about himself - exactly what Denney did in real life - though exaggerated in the film.
Along the way there is a trip to Africa for diamonds, a trip to the South Pacific, a long boat ride set to The Moody Blues' "Tuesday Afternoon" (the whole song) with a very un-toned Denney cavorting shirtless on deck. Later the love of Alexander/Denney's life falls into 'disrepute' (the room where she plies her trade is ... WOW!). You'll see color negative, cartoon blood, brief nudity, and LOTS of Craig Denney.
The editing is pretty bad and the storytelling could use a bit of tweaking. Jumps in logic, local, and coherence only slightly mar this wonderfully bad self-serving paean to Craig Denney. Is he dead? There is a death certificate, but a body was never found. Or was he sitting next to us at the Atlanta screening. He appeared to be about the right age and was the only person not laughing during the film and he left before it ended. I'd like to think it was Denney.
DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO SEE "THE ASTROLOGER" So, if it comes to your town, or anyplace within 2 hours - RUN, do not walk to see this film.
**end of edit**
Unique.
I just saw "The Astrologer" at the Atlanta Film Festival (April 2018). Absolutely unbelievable. It is currently unavailable on DVD, or anywhere that I could find on the web. Apparently due to the stolen Moody Blues tunes, it can only be screened theatrically.
Reading about the film on the web after seeing it, know that there is a lot of inaccurate info about "The Astrologer".
Writers have compared this film to Tommy Wiseau's "The Room" . No comparison. (It may actually be closer to Timothy Carey's "The World's Greatest Sinner", just less constrained by both financial limitations and Denny's Superego). For fans of bad movies "The Astrologer" blows "The Room" away. It's not bad the way Ed Wood or 70's Women in Prison movies are bad. "The Astrologer" is in a class by itself - and pretty much defies accurate description by the written word. I was speechless leaving the theater - dumbfounded - in awe of the ego and ineptitude.
The last two times I had as unique an experience at the movies were: 1 - the first time I saw John Waters' Female Trouble.
And - 2 - leaving Roman Polanski's "Repulsion" the entire theater exited in silence.
In other words, "The Astrologer" is one of those movies that will affect you (though it may be closer to Waters' work than Polanski's)
THE PLOT -
I'm not going to discuss the plot much because it is irrelevant to the cinematic experience one has here - and you can read about it elsewhere if you really need to know. Seeing this alone, at home on TV would be infinitely less satisfying than seeing it in a crowded theater. Like Hitchcock films, the shared movie experience absolutely enhances a viewing of "The Astrologer"
Craig Denney, director and star, has a huge ego, and then some. The story is about him. Basically it is the story of an astrologer who becomes a star, rich and famous and makes a movie about himself - exactly what Denney did in real life - though exaggerated in the film.
Along the way there is a trip to Africa for diamonds, a trip to the South Pacific, a long boat ride set to The Moody Blues' "Tuesday Afternoon" (the whole song) with a very un-toned Denney cavorting shirtless on deck. Later the love of Alexander/Denney's life falls into 'disrepute' (the room where she plies her trade is ... WOW!). You'll see color negative, cartoon blood, brief nudity, and LOTS of Craig Denney.
The editing is pretty bad and the storytelling could use a bit of tweaking. Jumps in logic, local, and coherence only slightly mar this wonderfully bad self-serving paean to Craig Denney. Is he dead? There is a death certificate, but a body was never found. Or was he sitting next to us at the Atlanta screening. He appeared to be about the right age and was the only person not laughing during the film and he left before it ended. I'd like to think it was Denney.
DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO SEE "THE ASTROLOGER" So, if it comes to your town, or anyplace within 2 hours - RUN, do not walk to see this film.
The ultimate WTF vanity project
udar5529 March 2023
"Look at this, my cosmic mirror."
"Haha! How in the world did you get that?"
"It's all mine."
Not to be confused with James Glickenhaus' THE ASTROLOGER (1975), this is an insane vanity feature by one-and-done director-star Craig Denney. Craig stars as Craig, a carnival psychic who reaches Charles Foster Kane levels of success over the course of 78 minutes. We follow his journey as he becomes a successful gem smuggler in Africa and Tahiti to a successful TV psychic to a successful US military asset to a successful filmmaker (naturally, the film he makes is called The Astrologer) to successful adulterer shooter. Denney packs the film with some truly bizarre montages, convoluted lunar astrology reports, and, of course, lots of shots of Denney trying to look hunky. The latter is particularly hard because he looks like a miniaturized Jim J. Bullock. It is the perfect feature for the A. D. D. Crowd because if you don't like one plotline, just wait five minutes and Denney will be onto something new.
Not to be confused with James Glickenhaus' THE ASTROLOGER (1975), this is an insane vanity feature by one-and-done director-star Craig Denney. Craig stars as Craig, a carnival psychic who reaches Charles Foster Kane levels of success over the course of 78 minutes. We follow his journey as he becomes a successful gem smuggler in Africa and Tahiti to a successful TV psychic to a successful US military asset to a successful filmmaker (naturally, the film he makes is called The Astrologer) to successful adulterer shooter. Denney packs the film with some truly bizarre montages, convoluted lunar astrology reports, and, of course, lots of shots of Denney trying to look hunky. The latter is particularly hard because he looks like a miniaturized Jim J. Bullock. It is the perfect feature for the A. D. D. Crowd because if you don't like one plotline, just wait five minutes and Denney will be onto something new.
See also
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