Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness (TV Series)

Bride of Po (2013)

Maria Bamford: Lu-Shi

Quotes 

• Po : Ha!

  Lu-shi : Po.

  Po : Junjie, let Lu-shi's... friend go.

  Junjie : Fine.

• Chen : Po, thank you so much for saving my brother.

  Po : Your brother? Your brother? I thought he was your boyfriend.

• Monkey : Whoa. Flying goat surprise.

  Po : Cute and knows kung Fu?

  Chen : A little. Don't mess with the goat girl. Seriously, don't

  Po : whoa, whoa, I'm not a band...

  Chen : I'm just kidding. no, I'm not!

  Po : Oof!

  Chen : Mess with the goat, you get the hooves.

• Junjie : My daughter and I can't thank you enough for helping us in our time of need. Lu-shi is to be married tomorrow.

  Po : Marr - I see.

  [chuckles] 

  Po : lucky guy. anyone I know?

  Lu-shi : Well I never even met him.

  Monkey : Ah, it's one of those arranged dealios.

  Lu-shi : Yeah, pretty stoked about it. He's called "the dragon warrior".

  Po : Head definitely exploded.

• Monkey : So you trade him for plates?

  Mr. Ping : and bowls. That's how the restaurant business works.

  Mu-shi : Lu-shi, give Poe his present.

  Chen : Yes, sir. Po, I understand that you like action figures.

  Po : [chuckles]  Yeah, well, I did. When I was a kid a long time ago. No really no...

  Chen : [squeals] 

  Chen : I collected too.

  Po : is that a master shifu?

  Chen : The mono-brow variant.

  Po : That's the rarest one there is!

  Chen : I know! It's yours now or ours if you wanna go through with the whole marriage thing.

  Po : Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait, Just so we're clear, You're pretty, funny, good at kung fu, you love dumplings and collecting action figures?

• Viper : Well, looks like somebody gets to plan a wedding. Can it be man? Please say yes.

  Po : Go crazy. Oh, Lu-shi I'd would like you to meet...

  Lu-shi : Master Tigress. Oh, my - oh, m - oh, my gosh.

  Lu-shi : [nervous laugh] 

  Lu-shi : I'm kind of a mega fan. no, alot. seriously, it's, like, such an honor.

  Tigress : Hang on? you wanna married him?

  Lu-shi : Uh-huh.

  Tigress : Really?

  Po : Whoa, Tigress never pegged you for the jealous type.

  Tigress : jealous? you must be kid...

  Lu-shi : Po. A word.

• Lu-shi : Crane wants to meet with us later to go over the seating chart and - Po are you okay.

  Po : Huh? oh, uh, yeah, yeah sorry

  Lu-shi : [gasp]  You're having second thoughts.

  Po : What? no way. kind of. I mean, look, meeting you was the most amazing thing that's happened to me since - since I became the dragon warrior.

  Lu-shi : Do what your heart tells you, Po. Don't let me sway you

  Po : oof! But It's all happening so fast.

  Lu-shi : As dragon warrior, you sacrifice so much to protect the valley of peace, Po. But run from true love would be like running from the great a battle We'd always wonder what if?

  Po : Huh? maybe you're right.

• Po : What? wait. Lu-shi, you betrayed me?

  Lu-shi : Po, I...

  Tigress : You're going down, Junjie.

  Lu-shi : no, not just yet. the happy couple haven't opened their presents.

• Po : Pillars of ouch.

  Junjie : [quivering]  Good n-n-name. Oof

  Lu-shi : Po, save shao!

  Po : Gotcha

  Po : Wow. Those muscles are very defined.

  Po : Thanks. I don't even work out.

  Po : Figures. Whoa!

• Chen : Oh, Po. Maybe now that this all over...

  Po : [sighs]  I can't marry you, Lu-shi. So long as there are evildoers like junjie threatening the valley of peace, I have to remain the dragon warrior.

  Chen : Marry me? You Dork. we barely know each other. I was thinking maybe we could just hang out sometime.

  Po : Ow! Oh, yeah, that'd be cool. But I gotta warn you, somebody might be a little jealous, so, uh - ow! There she is now.

• Lu-shi : I'm sorry, Po. I never meant to hurt you.

  Po : What's this?

  Lu-shi : Junjie's holding him hostage. That's why I did all of this.

• Po : I'm getting Married!

  Shifu : what? Ow!

  Viper : You're kidding, right

  Po : Meet the future Mrs. dragon warrior.

  Lu-shi : Hey, there, Furious Five. Worship you totally trying not spaz.

  Po : I know it's kinda sudden.

  Shifu : Except for the "it was arranged from when we were babies part.

  Po : [chuckles] 

  Shifu : [nervous sigh] 

• Po : uh, well...

  Lu-shi : Po?

  Po : Uh, it's not - It's not that I don't want to, But-but-but maybe we should wait to and...

  Lu-shi : Wait? we can't wait. If we don't do this right now, he'll - he'll...

  Po : He'll what? to who? who's "he"?

  Mu-shi : Oh, this is an outrage. get on with it! Marry my daughter and step down as dragon warrior, you ninny!

  Po : But I...

  Mu-shi : Enough!

  Po : But I...

  Mu-shi : Go on!

  Po : I'm just not.

• Po : It was all a lie?

  Lu-shi : Yes. But, Po, I had to, you see...

  Junjie : you've said enough, girl and now to pay the price for your failure.