Lara Croft XXX
- Video
- 2022
- 1h 1m
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A squeak from Poverty Row
After directing a "big deal" porn picture a decade ago boasting a six-figure budget, "Revenge of the Petites", filmmaker Harry Sparks is reduced to what looks like a four-figure quickie spoofing the endlessly ripped off Lara Croft character in this tedious, hour-long VOD junker.
Playing like a much-padded, way too long Brazzers vignette (without the laughs), the feature immediately self-destructs by starting with a half hour of its two leading ladies masturbating in utterly static solos: first Jenna Sativa, one of porn's most beautiful actresses made to look ugly here, fingering herself in boring fashion; then tall, blonde beauty Val Dodds (as adventurer Lara Croft) fingering herself in the shower.
The duo head off on a trek on an island, shot like a backyard movie, and have a non-encounter with a stop-motion dinosaur -poorly done. They find a little metal box containing a decoder that gives Dodds a chance to plug "The Da Vinci Code" and which she solves faster than you can say Rubik's Cube. Their inevitable lesbian sex scene is a bore.
Porn, mainstream movies, tv, streaming -it's all about creating content, and here we have a lesson from Mr. Sparks on what the lower, almost lowest, type of content looks like.
Playing like a much-padded, way too long Brazzers vignette (without the laughs), the feature immediately self-destructs by starting with a half hour of its two leading ladies masturbating in utterly static solos: first Jenna Sativa, one of porn's most beautiful actresses made to look ugly here, fingering herself in boring fashion; then tall, blonde beauty Val Dodds (as adventurer Lara Croft) fingering herself in the shower.
The duo head off on a trek on an island, shot like a backyard movie, and have a non-encounter with a stop-motion dinosaur -poorly done. They find a little metal box containing a decoder that gives Dodds a chance to plug "The Da Vinci Code" and which she solves faster than you can say Rubik's Cube. Their inevitable lesbian sex scene is a bore.
Porn, mainstream movies, tv, streaming -it's all about creating content, and here we have a lesson from Mr. Sparks on what the lower, almost lowest, type of content looks like.
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- lor_
- May 1, 2023
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- Lara Croft XXX: A Harry Sparks Parody
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- Runtime1 hour 1 minute
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