The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Toxic Crusaders (2013)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : It's just an average sidescrolling shooter. There's not much to say. You play as characters from the show, firing off sonics, nuts, or throwing microscopes at people. Who the hell throws microscopes at people?

  Lloyd Kaufman : Nerd, nerd, nerd, that is not a microscope. That is actually a replica of Taylor Swift - and that's the thing with Troma: we're movies of the future we... we anticipate...

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Why's there always gotta be bats?

  Lloyd Kaufman : These aren't bats, Nerd! These are cats with wings! When I was a teenager in Tijuana, I - I had some pussy with wings. And - and - and - that's what this is all about man!

• Lloyd Kaufman : Whaddaya talking about? You want something to take a long time to beat? It'd take me a long time to beat off to Justin Bieber man!

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Takes a long time.

  Lloyd Kaufman : Long! My penis is pretty damn long right now and I'm not even flaccid.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : How'd ya like the graphics? The backgrounds are filled with garbage cans and toilets - sums up this game perfectly.

  Lloyd Kaufman : What you don't know Nerd is, they cut out the best parts of these backgrounds - we had come-rags, we had used tampons - and those toilets themselves came directly from the set of Steven Spielberg's A.I. We got a good deal.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : I take it he doesn't like A.I.

  Lloyd Kaufman : I love A.I., look at those toilets!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : And what's really annoying is this yellow Pac-Man ballsack that's always bouncing around and following Toxie. Why do you need that? You can whack it every now and then with the mop...

  Lloyd Kaufman : That's Blobbie, man! That's Blobbie, Toxie's pet! He's very important - and by the way, a little film-fact behind the scenes. You know how we made Blobbie for the movie? We took my ballsack, we made a cast of my ballsack, and - and we got Blobbie - it - it did pull off my pubic hair, which is very painful, but you folks out there, in Videoland - can make your own damned Blobbies. And you could be just like George Lucas, sell them at Burger King!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Whoever came up with the idea of using Select to attack can suck the piss out of a platypus' penis!

  Lloyd Kaufman : Very good alliteration, boy, but I prefer sucking elves' penises.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Did you say elf or elk?

  Lloyd Kaufman : Both. At the same time.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Whatever, it IS only the 111th fucking episode.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : And that's what happens when we go from the movie, to the show, to the game - it's like putting a golden egg on a mountain of shit, and then you roll it down and it gets shittier and shittier and shittier. By the time it gets to the bottom, it ain't the same.

  [to Lloyd] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : And look, that's your name on it! That's your name on this game!

  Lloyd Kaufman : I spit on my name! Puy! Puy! Puy!

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : What you created that's great got transformed into a mutated anomaly that'd make the Pope weep. They made a mockery your shit, man! What're you gonna do about it?

  Lloyd Kaufman : What am I gonna do about it? What am I gonna do about it? I'm gonna shit on this! I'm gonna take a huge dump! Here I go! And I had baked beans for dinner!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Why even give the mop at all? It doesn't do anything special anyway. It's not like the sword in Zelda that shoots until you get hit the first time. No, the mop is just another basic short-range attack, you know. And for a guy whose motto is "It's Clean-Up Time," he sure doesn't clean up much. Look at all that waste he leaves lyin' around!

  Lloyd Kaufman : What do you expect? He doesn't have his mop!

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : I died by touching water? Why would water kill Toxie? You gotta admit, that's... pretty fucked up.

  Lloyd Kaufman : Toxie is the great-great-granddaughter of the Wicked Witch of the West from The Wizard of Oz, who as you remember, dissolved when water touched her? Ey?

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Interesting fun-fact...

  Lloyd Kaufman : [repeating "Ey?"] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : You know, what I don't get... Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

  [Lloyd hits himself in the head] 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : This game is very psychological.

  Lloyd Kaufman : Freud you.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : You know what? Freud this game!

• Lloyd Kaufman : This is historic. This is the very first use in a video game of a golden shower until the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen twins video games.

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : I have not played those. Maybe I'll have to try them now.