Major Crimes (TV Series)
There's No Place Like Home (2013)
G.W. Bailey: Louie Provenza
Photos
Quotes
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Dr. Morales : I think we're looking at anaphylactic shock related to an allergic reaction.
Lt. Louie Provenza : Still not our problem. First the accident, then a bee sting, a peanut. Maybe it was just the guy's time to go.
Dr. Morales : Except, why open the oven door, turn up the gas, and sit in your own kitchen if you're already choking to death?
Lt. Louie Provenza : Sounds extreme but maybe he was under a lot of pressure at work.
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Detective Amy Sykes : Welcome to Lost Horizon, also known as the land that time forgot.
Detective Julio Sanchez : Hope we get in and out before the place falls down.
Buzz Watson : If I close my eyes, I can hear the bulldozers.
Lt. Louie Provenza : Hey, just because something's old doesn't mean it's not serving a good purpose.
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Howard Gray : Well, I'm guessing you want to get into Ed's apartment.
Lt. Louie Provenza : Yes. Yes, we do. Um, is the manager of Lost Horizon around?
Clayton Carter : We call it Shangri-La.
Larry Murdock : Mm-hm.
Clayton Carter : "La Shangri-La" if we're feeling festive.
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Detective Julio Sanchez : Where were you the night Ed Dagby supposedly committed suicide?
Agent Mark Evans : Out with friends. It was a special night... Wait. Wait a minute. You really think I had something to do with... Uh, uh, "Supposedly committed suicide?" What's that... what's that mean?
Captain Sharon Raydor : We're thinking that Dagby's death was more of a murder.
Agent Mark Evans : Oh... All right, okay, look, look, um... Ed needs to have committed suicide.
Lt. Louie Provenza : Oh, boy.
Agent Mark Evans : Ed was found in his apartment with the gas turned on, right? I mean, how is that not a suicide?
Detective Julio Sanchez : He was dead before the oven was turned on.
Agent Mark Evans : Uh... no, no, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no. You see, uh... uh... I'm gonna be totally honest here. If you'd known Ed Dagby, you would realize that killing himself was the only decent thing he had done his whole life. I mean, the coroner said he thought it was a suicide. Can't we just stick with that?
Detective Amy Sykes : Is he kidding?
Lt. Louie Provenza : No, he's hiding something, and we probably need to find out what it is.
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Lt. Louie Provenza : Fine. Just... just tell me how I did.
Rangemaster R. Morton : It's DNQ.
Lt. Louie Provenza : Did not qualify? No, no, no, no! Just hold on one second. I've been shooting here every week for almost the last three months. If I don't qualify by next Friday, I'll be at a desk job for the rest of my career.
Rangemaster R. Morton : And?
Lt. Louie Provenza : And... and look at that one there... right there. I mean, that bullet hole is on the line!
Lt. Louie Provenza : [chuckling] It's on the line.
Rangemaster R. Morton : [stamps "DNQ"] If you end up in a dangerous situation where you're required to be proficient with your firearm, other people could die. You still have four days to get this right. Come back tomorrow.
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Lt. Louie Provenza : Read it and weep.
Rangemaster R. Morton : Don't see many of these. Perfect target, Lieutenant.
[stamps "QUALIFY"]
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Lt. Louie Provenza : Why is Jerry never here anymore?
Rangemaster R. Morton : Jerry Zein retired.
Lt. Louie Provenza : Retired? He's been scoring my targets since I became a lieutenant.
Rangemaster R. Morton : Sounds like he had a good, long career.
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Lt. Mike Tao : Okay, on "Action," Scarface will come out onto the balcony. Ready... Set... and action!
Lt. Louie Provenza : Well, Vera, who do you see?
Vera Walker : Oh, it's that little Mexican fella.
Pauline Allen : Vera, you said the wrong thing.
Vera Walker : Oh...
Lt. Louie Provenza : Yes, you did, Vera. It's not "Mexican." It's "Latino."... Latino... My God, these glasses.
Lt. Mike Tao : Cut!... Check the gate!
Lt. Andy Flynn : Ladies and gentlemen, you are all under arrest for murder one.