Trainwreck (2015)

Colin Quinn: Gordon

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Quotes 

• [opening lines] 

  Gordon : Girls, your mother and I are getting divorced. Don't cry. I know you're upset, I know you're confused. I don't know what your mother told you, but let me explain it from my side in terms you can understand... You got your doll, right? You got your doll there.

  Five Year Old Kim : Yeah.

  Gordon : You got your doll and you like your doll, right? You love your doll.

  Five Year Old Kim : Yes.

  Gordon : Yes, you love the doll. But what if I told you that was the only doll you're allowed to play with the rest of your life. How would you feel?

  Five Year Old Kim : Sad.

  Gordon : You'd feel sad, of course, 'cause there are a lot of other dolls on your shelves. And if you play with the other dolls, you can't have that doll anymore. Even though that doll doesn't want to play with you at this point. You're both living a lie. There's other dolls you like, and they're making new dolls every year. You want a stewardess doll?

  Nine Year Old Amy , Five Year Old Kim : Yeah.

  Gordon : How about a slightly overweight cocktail waitress doll?

  Nine Year Old Amy , Five Year Old Kim : Yeah.

  Gordon : What about a doll who happens to be best friends with your main doll?

  Nine Year Old Amy , Five Year Old Kim : Yeah.

  Gordon : It could happen, right?

  Nine Year Old Amy , Five Year Old Kim : Yeah.

  Gordon : What about a doll you only play with one day and never see again?

  Nine Year Old Amy , Five Year Old Kim : Yeeeah.

  Gordon : What about a doll where your friend's playing with a doll and he needs you to, you know, kinda man up with the other doll? You don't even wanna play with that doll but you do it cause your friend's playing with that doll and you don't want to sit there and look at the other doll unattended.

  Nine Year Old Amy , Five Year Old Kim : ...yeah.

  Gordon : So that's why me and mom are getting divorced.

• Amy : Aaron was telling me about this acupuncturist. She's supposedly amazing. She helps a lot of his patients with pain management and I really want her to take a look at you. Will you do that?

  Gordon : I have no desire for an oriental woman to touch me above the waist.

• Gordon : Girls, your mother and I are getting divorced. Monogamy isn't realistic. Say it.

  Nine Year Old Amy , Five Year Old Kim : Monogamy isn't realistic.

  Gordon : Again!

  Nine Year Old Amy , Five Year Old Kim : Monogamy isn't realistic!

  Amy : [voice-over]  I didn't understand that word at the time but now, I know exactly what he was talking about.