Family Guy (TV Series)
A Fistful of Meg (2013)
Seth Green: Chris Griffin, Neil Goldman, Jock #1
Photos
Quotes
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Meg Griffin : [accidentally spilling some of her lunch on Mike] Oh, my god! I'm so sorry!
Michael Pulaski : What's your name, dude?
Chris Griffin : [off-screen] Meg Griffin!
Michael Pulaski : [grabbing her] 3:00, Friday. I will destroy you.
Meg Griffin : [Chris approaches] Chris, you have my back, right?
Chris Griffin : I don't know. Let me check.
[lifting his shirt]
Chris Griffin : Yeah.
Meg Griffin : Okay, I'm gonna need it for the fight.
[he peels it off]
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Neil Goldman : The best way to disarm a bully is to befriend him. Watch and learn.
[approaching Mike]
Neil Goldman : Hey, what's up, my main man? Listen, if you ever need the scoop on the local babe scene, just ask.
Michael Pulaski : [disinterested] Yeah, I'll do that.
[grabbing him by the throat, Mike folds him like a balloon animal, rubs him on his head and sticks him onto a locker via static electricity, then pops him with a knife]
Neil Goldman : Awesome.
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Glenn Quagmire : Over the years, I've tested the limits of the human body. How much it can stuff in, swallow, or choke on. How a scrotum can be stretched into a makeshift sail if stranded at sea. All this knowledge is gonna help you win your fight.
Meg Griffin : Oh, thanks, Mr. Quagmire. I'll take any help I can get. I haven't been this scared since my dad stopped showering for six months.
Chris Griffin : [cutaway to the Griffins eating dinner] Great meat loaf, mom.
Lois Griffin : Thanks, honey.
Peter Griffin : [as a giant pile of garbage] Hungry! Pour food on my pile!
Lois Griffin : Okay, Peter, here you go.
Peter Griffin : Mmm. I will assimilate this new smell into the larger borg of my smells.
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Brian Griffin : Hello? Cynthia! Oh, my God! So good to hear from you!
[Peter sneaks into the lounge room, naked]
Brian Griffin : Sure, I can talk. I'm just sitting out here in the open.
[snickering]
Brian Griffin : My car? It's a Prius.
[chuckles]
Brian Griffin : I wouldn't say I'm specifically a hero for driving one. The heroes are the ones who come back from lraq and drive a Prius.
[Peter leaps in front of the couch]
Peter Griffin : Gotcha!
[finds a Snoopy doll with a tape recorder playing Brian's voice on it]
Peter Griffin : Wha... What the hell?
Brian Griffin : Hey! You looking for me?
[Brian, his fur all shaved, stands before Peter]
Peter Griffin : [cringes at the sight of Brian] Oh, God! What the hell is that?
Brian Griffin : What's wrong? You look uncomfortable. Here, let me give you a hug.
[approaches Peter with his arms out]
Peter Griffin : [backs away from Brian in disgust] Aah! Get away from me, you gremlin!
[falls backwards against the wall and Brian climbs onto Peter's chest and hugs him]
Peter Griffin : Aah! No!
Brian Griffin : Why don't you rub my belly, pal?
[rubs Peter's hand over his six nipples, Peter whimpers and wails in disgust as he felt Brian's nipples]
Peter Griffin : Your skin is so loose and wrinkly! It's like I'm just pushing around a plastic bag full of chicken bones! Ugh! Why do you have so many nipples?
Brian Griffin : You gonna put your clothes on?
Peter Griffin : Yes! Yes! I swear! You gonna keep 'em on? Yes, I promise! I'll never bother you again with my body!
[breaks down crying]
Peter Griffin : Please, just make this stop!
Brian Griffin : Good.
[Chris walks into the room]
Chris Griffin : Dad, can you give me a ride to the... ?
[screams when he sees Brian naked on Peter]
Chris Griffin : What is that thing?
[scratches his eyes out]
Chris Griffin : Aah! Make it go away!
[falls to the ground whimpering]
Chris Griffin : [Lois walks in with a basket of laundry]
Lois Griffin : What's going on in here?
[sees Brain naked on Peter's chest, Peter whimpering and Chris crying]
Lois Griffin : Oh, my God, is that a fucking rat? Peter, hold it down, I'm getting the gun!