Mike Jeavons: Mike J.

Quotes 

• Mike J. : Executive producers? They're twelve!

• [first lines] 

  Mike J. : Hello, I'm a British person, and welcome to another episode of Shameful Se- No actually, it can't be Shameful Sequels, or it can't be Rubbish Remakes either; it can't be Pitiful Prequels. Oh whatever, I'm reviewing Passport to Paris! Remember when Mary Kate and Ashley were young and cute, and how they were forced onto our TV shows, movies, and yes, even our video-games? Well I do, unfortunately. And apparently, everybody loved it at the time as well, because a million movies were made of these two gallavanting around the world and kissing boys! No moreso they're guilty of that than in Passport to Paris, where our identical pair of ATM's visit France because... because. So let's take a look at it, shall we? Yay. Or should that be, Whee. Get it? Wee.

  [laughs] 

  Mike J. : I'm funny.

• [last lines] 

  Mike J. : Passport to Paris is pointless, humourless, charmless, and entertaining-less; that's a word. It exists purely as an Olsen Twin crash cow, and gives the viewer nothing in return! And the fact that the two leads play such horrible characters makes it hard for me to say anything good about it at all. At least it has outtakes in the credits.

  [shows an outtake which isn't funny] 

  Mike J. : No, no, no. No.