- Dr. Johann Pryce: Nobody means more to me in this world than that girl in there.
- Roman Godfrey: Then we at least have one thing in common.
- Destiny Rumancek: Quite the pad. Must be a great place to play house.
- Miranda Cates 2014: Yup, that's my evil master plan, become a housewife and conquer the world one casserole at a time.
- Destiny Rumancek: [to Miranda] As we discussed, I'm not gonna stand by and watch you smash my cousin's heart into a million pieces just so you can get double dipped.
- Dr. Johann Pryce: [to Roman about he and Olivia] Both of you are toxic.
- Roman Godfrey: You want to watch out for those speed traps. The five-O can be real fuckheads. But you probably get professional courtesy.
- Michael Chasseur: Why don't you come along? Me being new around here.
- Roman Godfrey: Unfortunately, I have a pressing doctor's appointment I can't reschedule.
- Roman Godfrey: [to Johann] I can't tell you how disturbing it is you're the one responsible for my sister's peace of mind.
- Emilio: [walks out of the house] Julian! Front and center. It's time for your allergy shot.
- Julian: [on the ground after jumping off a swing] I can't move. I'm dead.
- Emilio: There's a Fruit Roll-Up in it for you.
- Destiny Rumancek: [to Miranda] I thought you were all about a payday but I guess you're just one of those girls who needs to be the center of attention no matter how many guys are involved.
- Dr. Johann Pryce: [to Shelley] What do you call a fish with no eyes?
- [she does not answer]
- Dr. Johann Pryce: A "fsh."
- [they both chuckle]