- Tim Danielson: Have you ever wondered why you're here... what your purpose is?
- Abe Kowalski: [pause] No?
- Abe Kowalski: You don't see anybody around here checking on me, do you? Yet, I'm expected to get things done. And instead, I end up doing THEIR job, too!
- Abe Kowalski: Have you read the paper today?
- Susan Ekaterina: I don't know how to read!
- Abe Kowalski: [pause] Well, it's a good thing you don't.
- Susan Ekaterina: I mean, some people have nothing better to do than to pry into the personal lives of other people!
- Abe Kowalski: If you wanna know about fire-fighting, you've come to the right place! Because I have fought many a fire.