- Jake Schuffman: I'm engaged now. I gotta be fiancé-Jake. I gotta use French words like champagne and fiancé-Jake.
- Jake Schuffman: What if I just ask her what's wrong, and then when she tells me "I'm fine", I don't accept it and I push through to what's really bothering her?
- Gil: What kind of mutton-head moron would push through an "I'm fine"? The "I'm fine" is your best friend, pal.
- Jake Schuffman: Okay what's wrong? You're doing that thing that you do when you're uncomfortable and you ramble on and on about random subjects. Sounds like bad 90's stand-up.
- Annie Fletcher: I don't want him to think I'm a crazy person.
- Kevin 1: Oh sweetie, you passed that exit miles ago.