- Jill: [drunk] What the hell? He said to quit drinking or he was going to leave me, so I quit drinking, and what does he do? He files for divorce! So what did I do? What ANYBODY would do, I set fire to his bobblehead collection.
- [laughs]
- Bonnie: Try and get some sleep, this will seem much worse in the morning.
- Mr. Perugian: Who are you?
- Baxter: I'm Christy's ex-husband.
- Alvin: And I'm her father. Now who're you?
- Mr. Perugian: I own this house.
- Baxter: Oh cool, the water pressure's a little low, you might look into that.
- Mr. Perugian: Fine, I'll check it out after I shoot you.
- Christy: [at her AA meeting] You may have seen in the newspaper about that cops raiding the motel room with the meth lab that exploded, they were our neighbors. Actually they were two doors down, our real neighbors were making some kind of porn.
- Alvin: Who're you?
- Baxter: Who're you?
- Alvin: I asked first.
- Baxter: Roscoe's dad.
- Alvin: What're you doing here?
- Baxter: I'm living in my van, so when the house is empty I take advantage of the facilities, a rag and a bucket only gets you so far.
- Alvin: Where is everybody?
- Baxter: I don't know, I came over last night, nobody was here, stayed the night, woke up, still nobody here.
- Alvin: The TV's gone.
- Baxter: Huh, well that eliminates the possibility of the Rapture.