- Henry: To be honest I've never loved tofu - tasteless, textureless nothingness. But when you know it's also a category of hard-on - the worst category, i.e. the least hard, and here it is flopping impotently down on the scales of the supermarket deli counter to prove it - then... well, it's now officially off the menu in this house. If that makes me a flaccist, I don't care.