- Barry Goldberg: Forbidden love is the best kind of love, behind tender and jungle.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: [about death] We all have our time. But I'm not going anywhere anytime soon. You want to know what my secret is?
- Adam Goldberg: What?
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: Hanging out with my best friend, who keeps me young. Now, you want to run your grandpa over with a car?
- Adam Goldberg: I'd love to!
- Adam Goldberg: How could they kill off Optimus Prime? That'd be like killing off Superman!
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: You've been talking about this for two days now.
- Adam Goldberg: If I'd made that movie, Optimus would've lived!
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: There you go, let's make our own movie and we'll right the wrongs of those Hollywood bastards!
- Adam Goldberg: [as a Decepticon in his movie] I guess that's the last of you, Optimus Prime.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: [comes back up] I *literally* can't die!
- Murray Goldberg: I might have told Adam something about old people die and he took it the wrong way.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: What are you talking about?
- Murray Goldberg: Like when you're in the deli of life and it's your number to get a sandwich.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: This deli sounds horrible, I'm not eating there.
- Murray Goldberg: Everybody has to eat there.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: Well I'm just going to have a pickle.
- Murray Goldberg: You can't just have a pickle!
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: I'm in better shape than you! Check out these guns!
- Murray Goldberg: You're the crazy old man dressed like his favorite cartoon character that just died!
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: Geez, you're right. Adam's probably scared of losing both his heroes together.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: I just had a fight with Adam.
- Murray Goldberg: You had a fight with Adam? About what?
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: He refuses to hit me with the car!
- Murray Goldberg: [unfazed] Okay.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: All of a sudden he's acting like I'm some fragile old fogie who can't do anything.
- Adam Goldberg: I've been super busy on a new movie, it's all stop motion animation, you know what the best thing about that is? *NO* actors.
- Albert 'Pops' Solomon: Well you look like crap, have you even slept in the last two days?
- Adam Goldberg: No, I'm too busy making a masterpiece.