Bob's Burgers (TV Series)

Midday Run (2015)

Dan Mintz: Tina Belcher

Quotes 

• Tina Belcher : Hi, Ms. Selbo.

  Ms. Selbo : Signing in for hall monitor duty? You know, there's a rumor going around that you're up for a big promotion.

  Tina Belcher : Oh, don't listen to rumors, Ms. Selbo.

  Ms. Selbo : Then what would I do? Just answer the phone when it rings?

• Tina Belcher : [to Zeke]  If anyone asks, you have irritable bowel syndrome.

  Gene Belcher : All bowels are irritable.

• Regular Sized Rudy : Hi, Tina. I... I went ahead and signed you in.

  Tina Belcher : That was thoughtful, Rudy, but it's against the rules to forge a signature on the sign-in sheet.

  Regular Sized Rudy : Oh, yeah. The rules. I guess I played it pretty fast and loose.

  Tina Belcher : Yeah, let's save fast and loose for when you shake your caboose.

• Regular Sized Rudy : I guess when you're a hall monitor, you have to leave your feelings in your locker.

  Tina Belcher : And lose the combination.

• Tina Belcher : You called us, Mr. Frond?

  Mr. Frond : Ah, Tina, my star hall monitor and Regular Sized Rudy, my fixer-upper hall monitor.

  Regular Sized Rudy : I'll get there.

• Tina Belcher : I'll take it from here, Rudy. You finish your rounds.

  Regular Sized Rudy : Are you sure? Zeke's trouble.

  Tina Belcher : It's a midday run. I could do it in my sleep.

  Regular Sized Rudy : Yeah, but I want to help. I've never transported a perp.

  Tina Belcher : Yeah, we're good, Rudy.

  Regular Sized Rudy : Oh.

  Zeke : Oh, wow. Tina's giving Rudy some 'tude-y.

  Regular Sized Rudy : Shut up, Zeke. I'm sorry I said "shut up."

  Zeke : You shut up.

• Tina Belcher : [when she checks to see if Zeke is still in the boys' bathroom]  Anybody in here? I'm coming in on 90% official hall monitor business and 10% curiosity.

• Zeke : [to Tina]  Can I ask you something? Why do you want to be a hall monitor, anyway? It's just telling on kids.

  Tina Belcher : It's not telling on kids. It's helping on kids.

  Zeke : Well, you aren't helping on me.

  Tina Belcher : It's your own fault. You've committed a series of Mr. Wieners. That's what I call misdemeanors.

• Zeke : [to Tina]  Listen, this is the truth. I broke into Coach's office so I could take the mascot uniform.

  Tina Belcher : The Wagstaff Whaler? Why?

  Zeke : I told you, for my grandma. She's having surgery today and I just wanted to mascot around for her before she went under the knife.

  Tina Belcher : You expect me to believe that?

  Zeke : Yeah. Grandma likes mascots. She met my grandpa when they were mascotting in college. They looked into each other's big dumb foam eyes and that was it.

• Zeke : [to Tina]  If you don't let me go, I'm gonna chew my finger off!

  Tina Belcher : Zeke! Come on!

  Zeke : Grandma's gonna have to leave for the hospital soon!

  Tina Belcher : Even if what you were saying was true, you still should have asked for the mascot suit.

  Zeke : I did. I asked Coach B if I could borrow the suit fair and square, but he wouldn't let me. Probably thought I was gonna poop in it just 'cause I used to poop in stuff.

• Mr. Frond : Zeke, come back here!

  Tina Belcher : Let him go, Mr. Frond. He's going to see his grandma before she has surgery.

  Mr. Frond : His grandma? You naive little wide-eyed candy-dandy fool. This is Zeke we're talking about. Once, he faked lice. I think he used Sea-Monkeys.