The Trail to Oregon! (2015)

Jaime Lyn Beatty: Daughter

Photos 

Quotes 

• Daughter : [Dramatically]  Oh, the good lord sent me back!

  [winks at audience] 

  Daughter : There I was at the pearly gates and St. Peter said to *me*: "Oh Mouthface, there is a fool family who is lost without you!"

  Mother : Did, uh, ahem... did you... did you just fake dying of dysentery?

  Daughter : [smiles]  Gotcha.

• Daughter : They could be dead for all I know, and I've been sitting in the back of the wagon for three months writing letters to nobody like a jackass.

• [accepting her imminent death from dysentery] 

  Daughter : It's all right, family. This was God's will and we all know that God is a...

  Daughter , Father , Mother , Son , Grandpa : [together]  Vicious, two-faced prick.

  Daughter : At least maybe when I go to Heaven, I'll finally be reunited with my one true love, the Bandit King.

  [does the Bandit King move] 

  Daughter : And his one true love, Cletus Jones.

• Son : [sings]  Craaphoole, yeah that's me, I'm seven and I'm male!

  Daughter : [sings]  Mouuthface, is what my friends call me, I'm looking for love on the trail!

• Grandpa : Now, now, now! Whoever wants to kill the most should go first.

  Daughter : [Raises hand]  I do, Grandpa. I've got bloodlust.

• Horny Ox : Cricket. Cricket, Cricket... Cock-a-doodle-doo! Hoot hoot. Hoot Hoot... Cock-a-doodle-doo!

  Daughter : Damn this is boring.

• Father : All right, on three. What's this trip all about? One, two, three!

  Mother : Dying.

  [Said at the same time] 

  Daughter : Eating grass.

  [Said at the same time] 

  Son : Skinny dipping!

  [Said at the same time] 

  Horny Ox : I'm a monster!

  [Said at the same time] 

• Mother : Now kids, say a few words for your poor, foolish father, please.

  Daughter : Pepperoni...

  Son : And... cheese?

  Mother : [pause]  Yep. Y - yeah... couldn't have said it better myself. Pepperoni and cheese, amen.