The Cinema Snob (TV Series)

Exorcist II: The Heretic (2015)

Brad Jones: Cinema Snob

Quotes 

• Cinema Snob : Oh, welcome back, "What the Fuck, Hollywood", how I missed you so!

• Cinema Snob : The opening credits are very uneasy. I think you can hear the editor making noises in the background.

  [Cue the opening credits music consisting of nothing but agonized screaming and laughing from apparently a possessed woman] 

  Cinema Snob : No wonder this movie is so bonkers - it's edited by a witch!

• [the credit "Edited by Tom Priestley" appears] 

  Cinema Snob : They try convincing you that Satan himself didn't edit this film by putting the word 'priest' in the editor's name. Nice try!

• Cinema Snob : Maybe the writer has too good of a heart to make a movie about pure evil. His name is literally 'Goodhart'!

• [Linda Blair is shown wearing a jersey numbered 22] 

  Cinema Snob : [VO over scene]  This scene only exists to show us that Linda Blair is more than a 10. She's a perfect 22!

  Cinema Snob : She is also 16, snob.

  [Slaps himself] 

• Dr. Gene Tuskin (Louise Fletcher) : What's happening?

  Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair) : Not Much.

  Cinema Snob : This isn't a very sound foundation for a sequel!

• Dr. Gene Tuskin (Louise Fletcher) : Reagan, why don't you tell me the truth? Don't you trust me?

  Cinema Snob : No, Miss Ratched, I don't trust you. You were gonna tell Billy Bibbit's mom that he slept with a woman. And I think we all know what happened afterwards!

• Cinema Snob : Father Lamont is put in charge of heading the investigation on what happened to Father Merrin in the previous film. Nothing like waiting *four years* to start that case!

• [Commenting on the design of the psychiatric institute] 

  Cinema Snob : This whole place looks like it was made to challenge the cinematographer not to get the camera reflection in the shot!

• Cinema Snob : I don't understand the music choices here...

  [the credit "Music Composed by Ennio Morricone" appears] 

  Cinema Snob : Well, that's a huge spoiler. Now I know the demon is going to be defeated by Clint Eastwood shooting him and then taking the gold from the unmarked grave next to Arch Stanton's!

• Cinema Snob : The person who really looks hypnotized is poor Richard Burton, who spends 90% of the scene not saying anything, let alone fucking moving a muscle! Then again, he was very drunk on set. Very, very drunk. But... I'm not judging.

• Cinema Snob : Not really sure what this machine is doing to Fletcher but suddenly she thinks it's a really good idea to do Grizzly II.

• Cinema Snob : Burton knows exactly what to do, which is weird seeing how it's the first time he's seen this machine. Then again, this isn't the first time a drunken Richard Burton creepily stares at a woman groping another woman's chest.

• Cinema Snob : And here I thought this scene was going to get weird. It's only a couple of hands fighting over control of a human heart. It's like thumb wars - but with a pumping heart!

• Cinema Snob : Burton is staring at this like he's staring at a burrito at the long end of a hall where the floor is made of melted cheese.

• [Father Lamont tries to douse a fire by hitting it with a crutch] 

  Cinema Snob : There! Hit it with a crutch! That'll make it better!

• [a locust swarm descends upon an African village] 

  Cinema Snob : Being possessed leaves you with recurring dreams of a lost Irwin Allen film.

• Cinema Snob : [VO during the locust swarm scene]  Actually, I fooled you all along - this isn't a sequel to The Exorcist, it's a sequel to The Day of the Locust.

  Cinema Snob : I haven't seen The Day of the Locust but from the title, it is *obviously* about a deadly locust invasion.