Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)

Channing Tatum: Tequila

Photos 

Quotes 

• Tequila : You know, my momma... she always told me, 'Us Southerners get our good manners from the British.' So I was thinkin', "Ain't that a pity? Y'all ain't keepin' none for yourself." Y'all ain't ever heard of knockin' before you enter?

  [spits tobacco] 

  Eggsy : Well, a-actually... we had an invitation, didn't we?

  Merlin : Yeah.

  Tequila : Oh, did you now?

  Eggsy : Yeah, yeah, it came in the shape of a bottle? We're from the Kingsman tailor shop in London. Maybe you've heard of us.

  Tequila : Oh, the Kingsman!

  Merlin : Yeah.

  Tequila : Huh. That's where y'all got them fine suits and them fancy spectacles y'all got on.

  Merlin : Exactly.

  Eggsy : That's right.

  Tequila : Y'all look damn sharp. Let me see if I got it right here. You want me to believe that it's normal for a tailor to hack through an advanced biometric security system with nothin' but a little bitty ol' watch on?

  [pause; Eggsy and Merlin glance worriedly at each other] 

  Tequila : I can promise you, though.

  [flip-cocks his rifle, points it at them] 

  Tequila : That dog don't hunt. Won't you go on and get down on your knees and tell me who you really work for?

  [pause, then Merlin lets go of the hole he made in a whiskey cask. Tequila spits his chewing tobacco to seal the hole] 

  Tequila : That's 1963 Statesman Reserve. You've just made it personal.

  [Tequila attacks Eggsy and Merlin. He knocks out Merlin and programs Eggsy's dart watch on him] 

  Eggsy : Who the fuck are you?

  [Eggsy falls unconscious from the tranquilizer dart] 

• Tequila : A bottle in a secret wall. You really expect me to take that seriously? See, I think your story's horse shit. Y'all just trying to cover for a failed rescue mission. You're here for the lepidopterist, ain't you?

  [confused look in Eggsy and Merlin's faces] 

  Tequila : Okay, so your mystery bottle, huh?

  [grabs a bottle of Statesman whiskey] 

  Tequila : Look anything like that, right there?

  Eggsy : Yes. Same brand, much older.

  Tequila : All right. Let's see here.

  [opens bottle and sniffs the whiskey] 

  Tequila : You know why the measurement of alcohol content is called 'proof'?

  [Tequila starts pouring the whiskey on Eggsy and Merlin] 

  Eggsy : Oh, fuck off!

  Merlin : Oh, for Pete's sake!

  Tequila : See, comes from back in the old days when pirates wanted to test the strength of their rum. They used to pour a little bit out on gunpowder.

  [drinks a little] 

  Tequila : Oh, that'll make you wanna slap your mama right there, boy. And then the gunpowder, if it burnt when they set it alight, they considered it proof

  [splashes more whiskey] 

  Tequila : that their rum was good and strong. But see, I ain't got no gunpowder on me, do I? But I'm pretty sure you boys'll make just as impressive of a sound when I set your balls on fire.

  [Tequila pulls out a lighter as Merlin chuckles] 

  Tequila : Or you could just tell me who the fuck y'all really are and how the hell you found us.

  Merlin : Look, for the last time, we have nothing to protect but our honor. So you can take your cheap horse piss that you call whiskey, which, by the way, is spelled without an 'e' and is nothing compared to a single malt scotch and you can go fuck yourself.

  [Eggsy chuckles] 

  Tequila : What about you?

  Eggsy : Me?

  Tequila : Yeah.

  Eggsy : No, I love a Jack and Coke, bruv. But I do agree with the part where you go fuck yourself.

• Tequila : All right. Y'all ain't got nothing to protect other than your honor. Let's see what happens when we change things up.

  [Tequila changes the glass window on the wall, revealing Harry shaving] 

  Merlin : Harry!

  Eggsy : Fuck me!

  Tequila : Y'all got three seconds to tell the truth.

  [Tequila pulls out his gun and points it at Harry] 

  Merlin : Wait! No!

  Eggsy : Harry!

  Tequila : He can't hear you, but I can. So talk.

  Merlin : No!

  Eggsy : Get down, Harry!

  Tequila : That's two.

  Eggsy , Merlin : Harry! Harry!

  Tequila : Three.

  Ginger : Stop!

  [Ginger enters the room and throws an umbrella at Tequila] 

  Ginger : Their story checked out. I opened our doomsday scenario locker and that umbrella was in it. Kingsman. It's got our logo on it.

  [Tequila looks at the 'Kingsman London' label on the umbrella handle, with the 'S' in the form of the Statesman logo. Ginger dries up Eggsy and Merlin] 

  Ginger : I'm really sorry.

  Tequila : My apologies, boys. I'd, I hope there ain't no hard feelings. I was just doin' my job. Welcome to Statesman, independent intelligence agency. Just like y'all, I reckon. But our founders went into the booze business. Thank the sweet Lord above. This is Ginger Ale. She's our strategy executive.

  Ginger : Hello.

  Tequila : I'm Agent Tequila.

  Eggsy : This is the part where you untie us.

• Champ : At what point are you going to start behaving like a Statesman, Tequila? You wanna go back to being a rodeo clown?

  Tequila : No, sir. I apologize, sir.

  [Champagne turns around towards Eggsy] 

  Champ : I'm Champagne. But anyone who knows what's good for him...

  [throws hat at champagne bottle] 

  Champ : ... calls me Champ. Sorry for your troubles. As your American cousins, I'm placing all of Statesman's considerably larger resources at your disposal.

  [Champ points at Statesman's stock market numbers] 

  Champ : Can you imagine us in the clothing business?

  [Champ chuckles as he looks at the trophies by the window and sits down] 

  Champ : Now, how can I help you?

  Eggsy : First of all, I've got to thank you for saving Agent Galahad.

  Champ : Wait. You said that you were Agent Galahad.

  Tequila : Oh, no, he's talking about the butterfly guy. That used to be his handle.

  Champ : Oh.

  Eggsy : Galahad always said, 'You've got to look at the bigger picture. Ask why as well as who.' So if someone wanted to take out Kingsman, then they've got to be planning something major.

  Champ : So what do you know?

  Eggsy : They're a drug cartel, we think. The name Golden Circle keeps coming up.

  Champ : Mmm. We'll look into them. What else?

  Eggsy : One of our former trainees is working with them. Charlie Hesketh. Total prick.

  Champ : You got any promising leads on him?

  Eggsy : His ex-girlfriend. I've been tracking her through social media. We believe she's still in contact with him. And she's going to Glastonbury Music Festival.

  Champ : Oh, good. Agent Tequila, break out your dancing shoes. You have a new mission.

  Tequila : Yes, sir.

  [Champ suddenly notices a blue rash on Tequila's neck and face] 

  Champ : Hold up. You feeling okay?

  Tequila : I'm a little tired, but fine, thanks. Galahad, you ready?

  Champ : Your face... You got...

  [Tequila looks through the reflection on his steel glass] 

  Tequila : What the fuck?

  Champ : Oh, shit. Head to the sick bay. Have Ginger check you out.

  [Tequila walks to the door] 

  Champ : [whistles]  Hey, give him your glasses.

  [Tequila throws his glasses to Eggsy] 

  Champ : You're in luck, kid. Put them on. You get our finest senior agent to join you instead. Right now, he's in our New York office. Galahad, meet Agent Whiskey.

  [Eggsy puts on the glasses and sees a hologram of Agent Whiskey] 

  Whiskey : Kid, looks like we're hookin' up with a chick at a rock concert. My favorite kind of mission. I'm sending my jet to pick you up.

• Champ : In honor of this historic occasion, we have purchased... a distillery in Scotland. This shows the world that Kingsman is now joining the liquor business.

  [Champ pours Kingsman scotch in a glass for Tequila] 

  Champ : Before we were cousins. Now we're brothers, working side-by-side.

  [pouring himself some scotch] 

  Champ : All our resources are now yours. You can rebuild

  Tequila : Yeah, y'all shitting in high cotton now.

  Champ : Agent Tequila, this is a formal occasion. Where's your tie and jacket?

  Tequila : Sorry, sir.

  Champ : Maybe the Kingsman boys can dress you properly.

  [Champ raises his glass to Harry and Eggsy] 

  Champ : To our union.

  [Tequila and the holographic projections of the other Statesman agents raise their glasses] 

  Champ : Final order of business. We would be honored if one of you would be our new Agent Whiskey.

  Tequila : Yeah, this, uh, two Galahad thing is just, just fucking confusing.

  Eggsy : Well, I...

  Harry Hart : Well, I'm very honored.

  Ginger : Champ? I'd like to throw my hat in the ring.

  [Champ knocks on the table] 

  Champ : All right. Statesman, the vote.

  [All Statesman agents raise their glasses] 

  Champ : Looks like she's in. Have a seat.

  [Eggsy pulls a chair for Ginger] 

  Champ : To Agent Whiskey!