- Felix Unger: [following Oscar into the kitchen] Now, I know what you're thinking...
- Oscar Madison: No you don't or you wouldn't have followed me into a room filled with knives!
- Oscar Madison: [discussing the person who threw the first pitch at the Mets game the night before] She threw a perfect strike! And, during her wind up, one of her boobs fell out.
- Dani: Hey!
- [they high-five]
- Dani: Now you're not the boob everyone's talking about!
- Felix Unger: [sarcastically] Oh good, we have time for another call.
- Caller: Since you threw a baseball at Mr. Mets's head, don't you think it would be fair if he got to throw a human baby at your head?