- Alice Quinn: I was making out with who?
- Quentin Coldwater: Uh, nobody.
- Alice Quinn: You said I was there making out with someone.
- Quentin Coldwater: No. Yes. Not - I mean, not that it's important. It was sort of Julia.
- Alice Quinn: Julia. Your lifelong crush.
- Quentin Coldwater: Dreams are weird. People are naked, and animals are smoking cigarettes.
- Eliot Waugh: Okay, so we're all in agreement. We should ask the lizard man.
- Margo Hanson: What?
- Eliot Waugh: The lizard man over there.
- [Looks at an empty spot in the room]
- Margo Hanson: Eliot. Honey, what are you on?
- Eliot Waugh: Some pinks, a green, and a tab of something called "chocolate sunshine". I really like the name. Do you like the name?
- [Glass shatters]
- Eliot Waugh: Uh. Maybe I shouldn't have had that green.
- Alice Quinn: Maybe you should get checked out at the infirmary.
- Eliot Waugh: [laughs] That's nonsense. Me strong like bull. Let's go on a quest.
- Margo Hanson: You two go talk to Alice's whatever. Eliot, honey, maybe you and I should go upstairs and rest.
- Eliot Waugh: [Stands] Wait, wait, wait. Are my eyes open or closed right now?
- Quentin Coldwater: [In Alice's childhood room] It's like going back in time to 2004.
- [Picks up a CD]
- Quentin Coldwater: The "Garden State" soundtrack?
- Alice Quinn: Hey, that was cool when it came out.
- Quentin Coldwater: [Picks up a book] "The Joy of Sex"? Is that, uh, Stephanie?
- Alice Quinn: My dad. He meant well. But my mom made him give me the version from the '70s because she thinks that kids should know what pubic hair looks like.
- Alice Quinn: I can't imagine what you must be thinking of me right now.
- Quentin Coldwater: It's cool. I'm, like, really into damaged chicks.
- Alice Quinn: Like Julia?
- Quentin Coldwater: Alice, I don't know what you think Julia and I were, but the truth is that we weren't anything. We were two kids who tested well, got placed together, and I got a crush because that's how hormones work, and she didn't, and I got over it, and the end.
- Alice Quinn: I'm kind of new to this whole thing, if you hadn't guessed. All my past relationships were, like, you know, at a party. "Can we just do this standing up?" kind of thing.
- Quentin Coldwater: Well, the fact that you could want to have sex with anyone after living in this house is pretty impressive.
- Joe: It's a beacon. You cast it here, and the fountain for this world lights up there.
- Alice Quinn: Okay, so how do we cast it?
- Joe: Well, there are some specific requirements, sexually speaking.
- Quentin Coldwater: Wait. It's sex magic?
- Joe: All magic where I'm from is sex magic. Thought you knew that. I could perform it with you if you'd prefer. I'm a heck of a pinch hitter.
- Quentin Coldwater: Let's find your dragons, and I - oh, hey, look.
- [Sees Julia as Princess Leia and Alice as Daenerys making out]
- Quentin Coldwater: I respect the shit out of you both, and you are leaders, and you're people, and I'm a feminist-...
- Alice Quinn: If you would just shut up for two seconds, this sex dream would pass the Bechdel test, Quentin.
- Margo Hanson: [about the Margolem] She has a bad habit of walking off, although when she does, it's nice to be reminded I have a great ass.
- Eve: Which fountain did you come out of?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Over there. Earth.
- Eve: Ooh. You know, we don't get too many of you guys, but when you come, you always have the most interesting magic. So... tell me, what brought you here? Hmm? I've pretty much seen it all - enchanted capes, rings. This one guy, he rode a sled pulled by flying - what do you call them? Not zebra. Reindeer.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: [Incredulous] Santa Claus?
- Eve: Yeah. You know him? He's a really nice guy, right?
- Professor Lipson: So, okay, I know that this is embarrassing, but trust me, dying is worse. Have you engaged in any unprotected rituals of any kind?
- Alice Quinn: When I was ten, my dad caught my mom having an affair, and he threatened to commit suicide.
- Quentin Coldwater: Oh, my God.
- Alice Quinn: He said he had to go extreme just to get her attention, which was psychotic, but he wasn't wrong. I think he would have done it if she hadn't come around.
- Quentin Coldwater: Well, now I kind of feel like a dick for making fun of your "Garden State" soundtrack.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: [Passes a shelf a book titles "Alice Quinn, Quentin Coldwater, Eliot Waugh"] Wait a minute. I know these people.
- The Librarian: Well, every book is here - all the books ever written, all the books never written, all the books of all the people who ever lived.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: [Picks one up] This is my book. Yo. Why are there all these flowers and shit on the cover?
- [Opens it]
- The Librarian: Ah, People who read their books often discover they don't like the main character and are rarely happy with how it ends.
- [Penny closes it]
- The Librarian: Ah. Here it is.
- [Takes a book titled "Martin Chatwin"]
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Wait, Martin? That's one of the Fillory kids. Okay, is there anything in there about The Beast?
- [Reaches for the book]
- The Librarian: I'm sorry. I can't lend you this. Not without a library card.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Course you can't. You know, shit like this is why people hate librarians.
- Margo Hanson: I brought you to support me while I fight with my ex, not do lines with the golem.
- Eliot Waugh: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this is how we support each other.
- Margo Hanson: Is there something you want to say to me, Eliot?
- Eliot Waugh: No. What is there to say? I like your golem. Life is a unicorn shitting rainbows of candy.
- Alice Quinn: Dad, I need to talk to Mom, like, now. It's important.
- Daniel Quinn: Well, after a frolic, she'll usually head for the tepidarium.
- Alice Quinn: Can you please just call it the bath?
- Daniel Quinn: Nonsense. This is my domus. I shall call it what I please.
- Julia Wicker: What are you trying to do? And don't just say "good things". You're talking about massive nuclear power.
- Richard: You're right. It's personal. We are the best Magicians we know. Silver can literally fly to the moon. But Menolly is dying, and we can't cure her. You know, Bender's trying to stay off the ledge every day. His meds have stopped working.
- Julia Wicker: And you?
- Richard: Eight years ago, I was a drug addict, and I left my son in a hot car. And he was eight months old. My life was destroyed.
- Margo Hanson: What do we know about these Neitherlands? I don't remember them from the "Fillory" books.
- Quentin Coldwater: There's not much. In "The Wandering Dune", Jane and Rupert meet this talking dromedary named Cameltoes...
- Eliot Waugh: No. Seriously? Amazing.
- Quentin Coldwater: It was 1943. It wasn't a dirty thing to say back then.
- Professor Lipson: [Examining Eliot] I can't believe I gave up tickets to "Hamilton" for this.
- Margo Hanson: Um, sorry you have to do your job.
- Professor Lipson: Ugh, story of my life. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with him.
- Margo Hanson: Really? Nothing at all?
- Professor Lipson: Well, he has a massive drug problem, but at least he's medicating,
- Stephanie Quinn: Your father loves Joe.
- Alice Quinn: I don't understand. I thought you were hiding him from him.
- Stephanie Quinn: Nope. Alice, you make me sound so melodramatic.
- [sighs]
- Stephanie Quinn: Fine, yes, sure. At first, yeah, your father was a touch sensitive, but then he figured out that Joe could work for both of us, so now he's our third, you know, in a sort of polyamorous-triad sense.
- Alice Quinn: So you and Joe and-...
- Stephanie Quinn: Yeah. Joe's anatomy is adaptable. He's like a Swiss Army knife. He's good for every occasion
- Eve: Haven't seen you around here before.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: First-timer.
- Eve: From?
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Not here. You?
- Eve: Eh, nice try, psychic. Gonna need to get to know a girl a little better before she lets you go running around up there.
- The Librarian: You're late.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: I'm what? Who are you?
- The Librarian: You always ask the same questions.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: I don't know what you're talking about.
- The Librarian: You never do. I'm a member of The Order, the keepers of the libraries of the Neitherlands, the greatest repository of knowledge, full stop.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: Any idea who the motherfuckers in the hoods are that are trying to kill me?
- The Librarian: The locals used to work for us; in a custodial function; but labor relations have become somewhat strained of late. We had to ban them from the libraries. They've been thoroughly cursed, so they can't use the fountains, but that hasn't stopped them from finding other employment, some with a particularly nasty entity.
- William 'Penny' Adiyodi: The Beast?
- The Librarian: Well, he has many names.
- Stephanie Quinn: I've never been prouder, although I must say this one seems like an awful lot of work.
- Alice Quinn: Who? Quentin?
- Stephanie Quinn: You're complicated. You need somebody who gets that about you. Maybe several people.
- Margo's Ex-Boyfriend: I begged you to stay. Margo, I - I needed you. You broke my heart. The only way I could repair it was to create my golem of you.
- Eliot Waugh: A golem of Margo. A Margolem.
- Margo Hanson: You selfish prick! You put my life at risk so you could have a realistic-looking sex doll?
- Margo's Ex-Boyfriend: No, no, no. I - I wanted a relationship. Margo I love you. And sometimes the only thing that we do is spoon and...
- Margo Hanson: [Groans] You're gross. I'm taking the Margolem, and I'm going to destroy it, and I hope no one ever spoons you again.
- Alice Quinn: Evert second I spend in this place, it's just I just feel like I'm being pulled back into this version of me when I was, like, 12 and furious and invisible and mute.
- Richard: Not to state the obvious, but we are pushing the boundaries of what is magically possible. We are working our way up to the energetic glass ceiling so we can shatter it.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: You say that like it's possible.
- Richard: It is.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Well, not according to Brakebills. No, the "glass ceiling" is explode and turn into a niffin or something. You can't just keep ramping.
- Julia Wicker: You're doing time magic to change what you did.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: Yeah, but only a fluke natural-born time witch could do something like that.
- Richard: Now, I have done all the research there is, and one day, I realized I was looking at it wrong. We don't have the energy, but it's not that we need to generate it, because somebody already has it. We just need them, and they can give us inexhaustible, unimaginable power.
- Kady Orloff-Diaz: That's no one.
- Richard: That's the Source. That's the place it all comes from, how people used to get shit done when they needed a fucking miracle. The divine.
- Julia Wicker: You're trying to...
- Richard: Summon a god.