Phelan Porteous: Phelous

Quotes 

• Scoop the Snowman : Now you didn't think Rudolph's story ended that foggy Christmas Eve, did you?

  Phelous : Well, I kinda hoped.

• Phelous : How are there misfit toys here again anyway? Santa fixed this mess he made last year by finally giving these oddball toys a home, but apparently, he didn't learn his lesson and just started exiling these sentient toys to an island again. Fuckin' ol St. Prick.

• Scoop the Snowman : The whole world was up in arms.

  Phelous : Yes, of all the disasters on this planet, nothing has really hit such global significance as a few children having their super generic toys stolen.

• Rudolph : I'd give anything for a normal nose.

  Phelous : Ah, you gotta love when character progression is actually... character regression.

• Piggy Bank : I'm all empty inside.

  Phelous : Well it was nice of them to include how they felt while writing this.

• King Moonracer : Oh, the pain.

  Phelous : I heard that Island of Misfit Toys song. That was awful.

• Phelous : [about the Island of Misfit Toys song]  What a great song. I was kinda lost on which island they might have gone to in Rudolph and the ISLAND OF MISFIT TOYS, but thank fuck they made sure to beat it into my head.

• Santa : Can't be too careful with this "Toy Taker" on the loose.

  Phelous : Of course if I actually wanted my toys to be secure, I probably shouldn't have had that skylight installed which automatically opens from the outside.

• Gingerbread Man : Halt! Who goes there? You're not toys.

  Phelous : Look who's talking, gingerbread arsehole. Well, he agrees to take them across the River Styx, leading to my favorite Rudolph movie: Rudolph Goes to Hell, which in turn sets up for the classic Rudolph vs. Frosty. Whoever wins, we'll forget. Ya gotta love that jerky animation for the cookie here. It looks like every movement this guy makes is pure torture.

• Phelous : So Rudolph's red nose has saved him again, and what lesson has he learned? That he should get rid of it, of course.

  Rudolph : You can give me a normal nose?

  Phelous : Sure, why not trust the crazy hippo who performs mad experiments in her underground bunker who has threatened to kill you twice already?

• Hermey : [about to use a cartoonishly large drill on King Moonracer's tooth]  This won't hurt a bit.

  Phelous : You didn't give him anything to numb the pain there, Hermey. That's gonna hurt A LOT.

• Phelous : I don't like creepy pedo snowman.

• Phelous : [about a glaring continuity error involving Hermey and the Head Elf]  It was hard for them to keep continuity, because who even had time to watch the original special before they rushed out this sequel?

• Clarice : I'm so ordinary and you're so famous.

  Phelous : Rudolph's only a B-list Christmas celeb.

• The Toy Taker : Welcome to your new home.

  Rocking Horse : What was wrong with our old homes?

  The Toy Taker : They were infested... with children.

  Phelous : Alright. I'm beginning to see the Toy Taker's point here.

• Clarice : We're gonna catch that crook.

  Hermey : And get all the toys back too.

  Phelous : [as Scoop]  Spoiler alert: they didn't.

  [credits roll] 

• The Toy Taker : You'll never catch me!

  Phelous : Oh, they caught me. That was easy.

• Phelous : I really gotta wonder why Bumble is still hanging around these people who pulled out all of his teeth. I doubt Hermey doped him up for that, so that was probably some excruciating pain, plus if he wasn't in the North Pole, he probably would've bled out from his mouth and died. Just something to think about while you're watching the Rudolph special, y'know.

• The Toy Taker : [singing]  The Toy Taker, that's me, will take care of you. And you. And you. And you. And you. And you.

  Phelous : But not you.