- Winnie Lopez: I got about 100 pounds of TP crammed in there. Been cranky as a female dog since breakfast, and now I know why... We've been trying, me and Jerry, for months now. Yeah. Like those old Road Runner cartoons with the wolf and the sheep dog, how you punch a clock to go to work?... It's mostly missionary, if I'm being honest. We used to spice it up, but now it's about the shortest distance between two points... He'd pop faster from the back, if I'm being honest, but I think it's important to look each other in the eyes when it comes to making babies.
- Emmit Stussy: [Ray Stussy, posing as Emmit] Buck, if I wanted an opinion from an asshole, I'd ask my own.
- Gloria Burgle: Sheriff, I hear you... I do... I'm not trying to stir things up.
- Moe Dammick: No, I think you are. I think you got resentments over being made to cow, kiss the ring... I had boys like you in the service. I'd tell them to go right, they go left. All of them, to a man, went home in a bag.
- Gloria Burgle: Well, I'm home already, so I'm gonna spend a few more days on this one, see how it goes.
- Stella Stussy: [Talking about grandma] she doesn't talk, not since the stroke.
- V.M. Varga: That's a shame... I bet she had a lovely speaking voice.
- V.M. Varga: And now might I be so forward, madam, as to ask for the location of your WC.
- Stella Stussy: Our what?
- Emmit Stussy: He means the crapper.
- V.M. Varga: What if she's working you? Using her poontang to hoodwink and bamboozle.