- Lisa Simpson: [Reporting] Here at Springfield Elementary detention has many names: Krackertraz, The Skinner Sheraton, Spit Ball Alley, The Bully Pen, 311 Worth, Little Devil's Island, and Dead Man Chalking.
- Homer Simpson: [he finally gets the old painting back, but Marge already got a new one] I did it.
- Marge Simpson: Oh, fuck you.
- Homer Simpson: Don't let it be forgot. That on this shining spot. Was the place that I really ate a lot.
- Deuce: Take my hand son, it's strong from turning the can opener.
- Homer Simpson: Your chili was store bought?
- Deuce: I didn't say I paid for it.
- Squeaky Voiced Teen: Sorry, we no longer sell Krustyburgers.
- Homer Simpson: But it's in your name! That's like if Macys stopped selling mace.
- Homer Simpson: Chewie, were home. Chewie is what I call my mouth.
- Deuce: I don't care what you call your mouth.
- Homer Simpson: All I want is a burger too big for a snake to wrap its mouth around.
- Squeaky Voiced Teen: Sorry, we no longer sell the Python Buster.
- Marge Simpson: [Watching the Deuce Caboose chase on TV] I sure hope that's not your father's chili dog car.
- Homer Simpson: [shouting out of the car] I have no end game!
- Marge Simpson: Oh, Lord. Your father's on the news so often he has his own theme music.
- Lisa Simpson: Chief Wiggum, I think I can defuse the situation.
- Chief Wiggum: Defuse a situation? Well, there's a first time for everything.
- Lisa Simpson: Can you hand me your megaphone?
- Chief Wiggum: Well, every police regulation says no, but you know what says yes?
- Lisa Simpson: What?
- Chief Wiggum: Your eyes.
- Lisa Simpson: Aww.