Roseanne (TV Series)
Twenty Years to Life (2018)
Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner
Photos
Quotes
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Roseanne Conner : Dan? Dan? Dan!
Dan Conner : [jolts awake] What? What happened?
Roseanne Conner : I thought you were dead.
Dan Conner : I was sleeping. Why does everybody always think I'm dead?
Roseanne Conner : You looked happy. I thought maybe you moved on.
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Jackie Harris : I miss the family, but I would rather be alone than let you bully me again.
Roseanne Conner : It is not my fault that I just happen to be a charismatic person who's always right about everything.
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Dan Conner : [finds Roseanne's old book] Well, looky here! "Written by Roseanne Conner."
Roseanne Conner : Oh, trash that.
Dan Conner : This would've sold like hot cakes if only you hadn't killed off the most interesting character.
[puts his arms around Roseanne]
Dan Conner : He was a gentle giant.
Roseanne Conner : [chuckles] You know what really would've helped, though? More bondage and a wizard school.
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Roseanne Conner : Did you get the anti-depressants?
Dan Conner : They're all yours. If you're not happy, I have no chance of being happy.
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Roseanne Conner : Your severance check got forwarded here. You lost your job, right?
Darlene Conner : You opened my mail?
Roseanne Conner : Yeah. I never stopped.
Darlene Conner : That is such a huge violation.
Roseanne Conner : No it's not. That's this one. They caught you on a red light camera. It looks like you're reading a magazine.
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Roseanne Conner : First, lets say grace. Jackie, would you like to take a knee?
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Roseanne Conner : And I should have understood that, you know, you want the government to give everybody free healthcare 'cause you're a good-hearted person who can't do simple math.
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Becky Conner-Healy : And she's paying me $50,000.
Roseanne Conner : Wow! Just for having a baby. Dan, you owe me $200,000.
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Jackie Harris : Here's the dressing for the salad.
Roseanne Conner : Oh look, Dan.
[holds up bottle]
Roseanne Conner : *Russian*.
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Roseanne Conner : Well, I don't want her selling off our grandkids, either, Dan. But, you know, if there's one thing we learned about Becky is we can't tell her what to do. 'Cause then, she'll just go do the exact opposite. I mean, remember we told her not to get married?
Dan Conner : She got married.
Roseanne Conner : Remember, we told her not to get that Marky Mark and The Funky Bunch tattoo?
Dan Conner : She got the tattoo.
Roseanne Conner : Yeah, and we told her she had to finish high school, so she didn't finish high school?
Dan Conner : She didn't finish high school?
Roseanne Conner : You miss a lot of stuff when you're out drinking in the garage, Dan.
Dan Conner : [scoffs] That's the whole point!
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Jackie Harris : I can't believe you voted for him, Roseanne, what were you thinking?
Roseanne Conner : He was talking about creating jobs, Jackie, talking about mixing it up. Maybe you didn't notice, but we almost lost our house because of what happened.
Jackie Harris : And have you seen the news? Because it's even worse now.
Roseanne Conner : Not on the *real* news.
