American Bride
- Video
- 2011
- 3h 2m
YOUR RATING
- Director
- Max Cool(uncredited)
- All cast & crew
- Production, box office & more at IMDbPro
Storyline
Featured review
Horrendous attempt at self-promotion by Paige
Among the numerous stars working for the old Bluebird Films label, Paige Ashley decided to start her own production company, and this 3-hour celebration of herself (!) is pretty tough sledding to sit through, even for a hardened Bluebird fan like myself. DVD box pins the directing blame on Max Cool, but that fictitious character gets no screen credit.
Title is thoroughly misleading, as is the hyperbole on the back liner of the DVD. It promises that our stalwart heroine Paige in decamping from Britain to America in search of a beau will also be serviced by "a few babes" (NOT) and six guys (only 5 show up for work).
Opening scene has her serviced in a going-away present fashion by Brit Porn diva Cindy Behr, a lesbian scene that at least permits another femme to be in the cast besides the all-the-time on screen Paige. This blonde on blonde exercise in the Sapphic arts is mechanical and dildo- ridden.
The next six scenes are so poorly connected that Mr. Cool & mastermind Paige dispense with set-up material entirely. Instead, we see Paige at her laptop supposedly consulting a website named "American Bride" to find studs, and without dialog or even a how-ya-do humps each guy (all from Chatsworth Central Porn Casting) one by one. Stretching the already bloating running time she deigns to hump Dane Cross a second time for a pointless finale. There's no bride or talk of marriage, not even in a token fashion. There's even less chance of a permanent hook-up than on a season of TV's "The Bachelor". We've basically been presented with a British sex worker, proud of her big fake breasts that sprouted (surgically, that is) halfway through her local Brit Porn career, taking on some Americano sex workers for fun and profit.
I've listed Cindy as "Auntie" in the credits because Paige with her thick accent seems to be calling her Auntie in their token scene together, perhaps to suggest some of that ever-popular incest content we all yearn for.
Title is thoroughly misleading, as is the hyperbole on the back liner of the DVD. It promises that our stalwart heroine Paige in decamping from Britain to America in search of a beau will also be serviced by "a few babes" (NOT) and six guys (only 5 show up for work).
Opening scene has her serviced in a going-away present fashion by Brit Porn diva Cindy Behr, a lesbian scene that at least permits another femme to be in the cast besides the all-the-time on screen Paige. This blonde on blonde exercise in the Sapphic arts is mechanical and dildo- ridden.
The next six scenes are so poorly connected that Mr. Cool & mastermind Paige dispense with set-up material entirely. Instead, we see Paige at her laptop supposedly consulting a website named "American Bride" to find studs, and without dialog or even a how-ya-do humps each guy (all from Chatsworth Central Porn Casting) one by one. Stretching the already bloating running time she deigns to hump Dane Cross a second time for a pointless finale. There's no bride or talk of marriage, not even in a token fashion. There's even less chance of a permanent hook-up than on a season of TV's "The Bachelor". We've basically been presented with a British sex worker, proud of her big fake breasts that sprouted (surgically, that is) halfway through her local Brit Porn career, taking on some Americano sex workers for fun and profit.
I've listed Cindy as "Auntie" in the credits because Paige with her thick accent seems to be calling her Auntie in their token scene together, perhaps to suggest some of that ever-popular incest content we all yearn for.
helpful•00
- lor_
- Aug 22, 2017
Details
- Runtime3 hours 2 minutes
- Color
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