- Dan Conner: There is no reason to ever leave your family. You may think about it, you may dream about it, you may gas up your bike and make sandwiches, but you don't ever do it.
- Roseanne Conner: So that's what you did that day! I knew there was no drywall convention.
- Dan Conner: I've said too much.
- David Healy: [after making out with Darlene] What am I gonna tell Blue?
- Darlene Conner: Tell her she's got a stupid name.
- Darlene Conner: Why are you coming in the window?
- David Healy: Does your dad still live here?
- Darlene Conner: Yes.
- David Healy: Then that's why I'm coming in the window!
- Roseanne Conner: [Harris smashes a bunch of cakes] I'll pay for those. Hit it, Mary.
- Mary Conner: Beep!
- Roseanne Conner: Mom, how'd you get kicked out of a retirement home? Did they find out you're never going to die?
- Becky Conner-Healy: You told me I never moved on after Mark died. End the misery. Grieve and get on with your life. Your words.
- Darlene Conner: David didn't die.
- Becky Conner-Healy: Yeah... but your marriage did.
- Dan Conner: Hello, David.
- David Healy: [stammering] Hey, Dan, Mr. Connor, sir. Hi. H-H-How are you doing?
- Dan Conner: I've been better. I hear you're moving back to Lanford.
- David Healy: Yeah. I got a place. I'll be back permanently in two weeks.
- Dan Conner: Great. Then that's when you'll see the kids. Questions? Comments?
- David Healy: No, sir.
- Dan Conner: You were always a smart boy.
- Darlene Conner: [David's outside the window] Give me one good reason why I should let you in.
- David Healy: Cuz I'm gonna fall! Please, I'm vegan now, I have no upper arm strength!
- David Healy: I've met someone.
- Darlene Conner: You met someone? How did you meet someone?
- David Healy: I was some place and so was she, it's not that difficult. Her name's Blue, and she taught me so many...
- Darlene Conner: And we're just gonna skip past the whole Blue part of the conversation.
- David Healy: I was hoping to.
- Roseanne Conner: [to Darlene before a cake eating contest] If I go into diabetic shock I want you to get my insulin pin and, really quick, and point me back in the direction of my cake.
- David Healy: [catches Darlene watching him sleep] What are you doing?
- Darlene Conner: Studying your face.
- David Healy: Why?
- Darlene Conner: You look like my kids.
- David Healy: [smiles] That's weird. You look like mine.
- Beverly Harris: I guess this is as good a time as any to break the bad news.
- Jackie Harris: [praying] Whatever it is, let it be quick, painful, and not hereditary.
- Beverly Harris: I can't go back to the retirement home, I'll have to stay here.
- Jackie Harris: Painful for her!
- [points to Bev]
- Mary Conner: [Roseanne's doing self checkout] Beep!
- Darlene Conner: Mom, that didn't scan. Oh my God, you're stealing.
- Roseanne Conner: No I'm not, I'm a checker at this store and my first pay is in bacon.