Happiest Season (2020)
Aubrey Plaza: Riley Johnson
Photos
Quotes
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Abby : [answers phone] Hello?
John : Did you know you're standing in a country club that didn't let women have their own memberships until the early 2000s?
Abby : How do you know that?
John : Uh, I might be tracking you, but it's for your own safety. Clearly!
Abby : What do you want?
John : I want you to break out of that closet!
Abby : I am not in the closet! I told you Harper's going to tell her parents everything right after the holidays.
John : You deserve to be with someone who shouts their love for you from the rooftops!
Abby : That's very sweet.
John : So stop being a doormat, you fool.
Abby : Did you need something? Or did you just call to shame me?
John : I'm not shaming you. I just think that the choice you're making is dumb and you should feel bad about it, and yourself. Also, I am loving these fish! If I wanted to buy the exact same one for myself, where do you think I would do that?
Abby : What?
John : You know what, I think I should Google it. I'm gonna Google it, thanks.
[hangs up]
Riley : Hey
Abby : Oh, hey.
Riley : How's it going? I'm just taking a break from diagnosing everyone's mystery illnesses. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything, I was already out there before you came out. You didn't see me. But, um, I can relate.
Abby : To what?
Riley : [pauses] Nothing.
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Riley : What is happening?
Abby : I don't know. Yesterday I never felt closer to another person in my entire life, and now I don't know her. I thought she loved me and was happy, but I see her here and she's so terrified of what everyone thinks. It's just making me wonder who the real Harper is. You know?
Riley : Maybe they both are.
Abby : I was gonna ask her to marry me tomorrow.
Riley : [consoles Abby] I'm gonna get you a real drink. Okay?
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Abby : What did you mean last night? When you said you could relate.
Riley : That was just a comment based on an assumption that I was making about you and Harper.
Abby : I think it's probably an accurate assumption. You don't have to talk to me about this stuff. Like, I know it's weird.
Riley : So, what has she told you?
Abby : That you dated in high school. That you were her first girlfriend. That's about it. Is there more?
Riley : Yeah, a little. I mean, yeah. Growing up we were totally inseparable. We were best friends, and then freshman year we became more than friends. We started dating, but nobody knew that, obviously, and we would leave these little love letters in each other's lockers. And one day one of Harper's friends found one of the letters and she asked Harper what it was about, and Harper basically just said that I am gay and that I wouldn't leave her alone. And then within a couple of days, everyone in school found out and everybody was so awful to me.
Abby : I'm sorry, that's... I'm sorry.
Riley : Yeah, so, the thing that I can relate to is being in love with somebody that is too afraid to show the world who they are. But that was a long time ago.
Abby : Yeah.
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Harper : Riley!
Riley : Harper.
Harper : Sorry, um, Riley, this is Abby. Abby is my
Abby : Orphan. Roommate. We... I am an orphan, but we live together. As friends, um, like acquaintances.
Harper : Oh, please stop.
Abby : Yeah.
Riley : Nice to meet you. So, I'm just gonna sneak on by you guys.
Abby : Was that "the" Riley?
Harper : Okay, that one really wasn't my fault.
Abby : Well, who knows, maybe another one of your exes will bring out dessert.
