Straight Up (I) (2019)

Katie Findlay: Rory

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rory : What do you do?

  Todd : Software coding, and I house sit as a side hobby but mostly just to meet people.

  Rory : Who do you meet house sitting?

  Todd : The owners... before they leave.

• Rory : Why are you so nice?

  Todd : Oh, I'm not that nice.

  Rory : Yes, you are.

  Todd : No, I'm not.

  Rory : You're the nicest person in L.A.

  Todd : Really, I'm not. I lie to homeless people. I always have change. I just don't give it to them.

• Rory : Stop. You had me at "I'll pay you."

• Rory : Um, I have a theory that millennials over-share because we're the most godless generation, so that's why we confess everything on social media. It's sort of our way to cling to some kind of permanence.

  Todd : Are you on social media?

  Rory : No. Are you?

  Todd : No.

  Rory : Mm. Well, just a theory.

• Rory : Excuse me, do you work here?

  Todd : No, but I get that a lot. I don't know why.

  Rory : You're restocking the shelves.

  Todd : Oh, some of the books are out of order.

  Rory : Yeah, but it's not your job.

  Todd : Valid. Counterpoint, I was at Staples the other day and somebody asked me if we sold paperweights and I wasn't doing anything. I was just standing there.

  Rory : Were you wearing a red shirt?

  Todd : No.

  Rory : I know what your problem is. You have a very friendly demeanor, like you look super helpful.

  Todd : Can I fix that?

  Rory : Yeah. Sure. Don't make eye contact. Don't smile. The more you can project an air of antipathy, the less you'll be approached.

• Rory : The elephant in the room is the thing nobody wants to talk about. The white elephant is an unwanted possession that's a bitch to get rid of. You're, like, mixing two separate idioms.

  Todd : What? Are... are you sure?

  Rory : Yes.

  Todd : So, then, what's the or...

  Rory : Todd, forget the fucking elephants. We need to talk about sex.

  Todd : So, sex is the white elephant.

  Rory : No, it's the elephant in the room!

• Meg : Oh, my God, who are you dressing up as for Ryder's birthday party?

  Todd : Ryder's having a birthday party?

  Meg : Yeah. The theme is iconic movie couples. I thought you'd be on there like Asian on rice. Didn't you get the Evite?

  Rory : White on rice.

  Meg : Yeah, but don't Asians eat more rice?

  Todd : I didn't get the Evite.

  Meg : Oh, well, you know Ryder. He's fag-get-ful.

  Zane : Are you making fun of my accent?

  Meg : Oh, no, I'm saying he's FAG-get-ful, because he's a fag who's forgetful.

  Zane : You can't say fag in America.

  Meg : Well, Todd made it up.

• Topanga : Well, having kids fills your life with purpose.

  Todd : But, does that intangible sense of purpose outweigh the burden of lost sleep, time and income, or are you justifying your actions?

  Topanga : I have no buyer's remorse. You were the second best decision I ever made.

  Rory : What was the first?

  Topanga : Investing in Google.

• Rory : Labels are for vegans, as I sometimes say.

• [Todd and Rory bring a gift to Ryder's birthday party, containing the receipt in case he wants to return it] 

  Ryder : You know what? I bet I'm gonna love it, because our Todd here has the aesthetic tastes of a well-oiled woman.

  Rory : Uh, where should I put it?

  Ryder : That's what Todd said.

  Rory , Todd : What?

  Ryder : What?

• Todd : So, you said you're an actress. Have I seen you in anything?

  Rory : Maybe. Have you seen "2 Girls 1 Cup?"

  Todd : No. When did it come out?

  Rory : Oh, I'm just kidding. Sorry. I-I hate that question.

  Todd : When did it come out?

  Rory : No, "Have I seen you in anything?" It's like, you... you haven't, but... Anyway, it's a porn video.

  Todd : You were in a porn video?

  Rory : No, no-no. "2 Girls 1 Cup" is a porn vi... You've never...? Really? Oh, well, well, it's two girls, and then they, um... they shit into a cup. It's really gross.

• Rory : Hey, you know that saying, um, "Shoot for the moon - even if you miss you'll land among the stars?" I did some research, and apparently the closest star, excluding our sun, is still four light years away from Earth; so, if you miss the moon, you don't land on anything, ever. You just float aimlessly in space until you die.

• Rory : That's ironic, you know? Guy obsessed with symmetry has crooked face. You must hate yourself.

• Rory : [talking to Todd]  I wanted to drop off my resume to...

  [looks around but sees no one else] 

  Rory : ...a corporeal entity if possible.