Crossing Swords (TV Series)

The A-Moooo-Zing Race (2020)

Maya Erskine: Princess Blossom

Quotes 

• Minotaur : Time is the cruelest master, unforgiving in its constant...

  [screams in pain when his torch sets his hoof on fire] 

  Minotaur : Ahh! Fuck fuck! I burned my fucking hoof. Shit! This isn't my usual torch. I'm not...

  Princess Blossom : Amateur. A real performer wouldn't blame their props for a shitty performance.

  Minotaur : You don't know the pressure of delivering an epic monologue.

  Princess Blossom : Oh, you think I don't know your world?

  [a light switch clangs and a spotlight shines on Blossom in her cage] 

  Princess Blossom : I'm Princess fucking Blossom. I've been kidnapped by the best and witnessed villainous diatribes from them all. The derivative. The brilliant. The guy who died of gout halfway through. He left it all on the stage! You think I can't recognize talent? I could take your sorry ass from Minotaur to Minostar, but you're not worth it!

  Minotaur : Please. Teach me.

  Princess Blossom : Get me a new pee bucket and I'll consider it.

• [first lines] 

  [Blossom awakens and discovers she's locked in a cage] 

  Princess Blossom : Where am I? What's happenings? Hello? Somebody help me! Whoever you are, you don't scare me, okay? I'm a real handful - just wait and see. Eight of my last nine captors killed themselves. The ninth one died of gaut... God dammit, do you know who I am?

  [heavy footsteps approach through the gloom] 

  Minotaur : I know exactly who you are, Princess Blossom. The question you should be asking is, who am I? Welcome to the womb of the maze to which I am banished for eternity... the labyrinth of death where I feast upon the souls who dare to venture its depths. As much as I'd like to gobble you up at this very moment, I've given my word to wait - but only for one day's time...

  [turns over an hourglass] 

  Minotaur : Then... you... will... be... mine!

  [panting] 

  Minotaur : And... scene!

• Princess Blossom : [sobbing at the Minotaur's death]  For his final curtain call, he really slayed it. Bravo.

  Patrick : Blossom, snap out of it! The castle is in danger.

  Princess Blossom : Look, getting kidnapped is very traumatic. Don't judge my coping mechanism!