Spider-Man 3
- Episode aired May 28, 2014
- 34m
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Eddie Brock: I come before you today, humbled and humiliated, to ask you for one thing... I want you to kill Peter Parker.
Smeghead: [as Jesus] ... What?
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] J-Jesus? Is that you?
Smeghead: [as Jesus] Yes, Edward Brock Jr. It is I, the Son of God, the Prince of Peace, the King of the Jews, etc etc. Now, back to my question: what?
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] What do you mean?
Smeghead: [as Jesus] I mean "what", as in "what the fuck is wrong with you?"
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] I... I just really need you to kill Peter Parker!
Smeghead: [as Jesus] You want me to kill someone?
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] Peter Parker, yes.
Smeghead: [as Jesus] You... know I'm not a hitman, right?
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] Please? I really want him dead!
Smeghead: [as Jesus] Seriously, what part of "Thou Shall Not Kill" do you not understand?
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] But he's ruined my life!
Smeghead: [as Jesus] This should be entertaining. Please elaborate.
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] He got me fired from my job!
Smeghead: [as Jesus] You mean the job you only got in the first place by committing fraud? Cry me a river.
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] And he stole my girl!
Smeghead: [as Jesus] Okay: first of all, Peter didn't steal anything; he didn't force Gwen to go out with him at gunpoint, that was her choice. And spoiler alert: their date didn't go well anyway. Also, for Dad's sake, you only went on one date with her yourself; she was never your girl to steal!
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] But...
Smeghead: [as Jesus] But nothing! Look, son, I know it sucks to see the girl you like go out with another guy; join the fucking club, we've all been there! But if she's ready to move on to someone else after one cup of coffee, then she was never that into you! No amount of moaning and bitching is going to fix that, nor will killing Peter Parker! Besides, my Dad put four billion vaginas on this planet; you can find another one. So quit whining, sack up, and sort your miserable life out!
[long silence as the camera cuts back and forth between the two of them]
Smeghead: [as Eddie Brock] Sooooo... you'll think about it?
Smeghead: [as Jesus] ... I died on the cross for this?
- Crazy credits"For the record, I don't actually hate Slim Jims. They're okay.
Probably 50 different kinds of unhealthy though."
- ConnectionsFeatures Mystery Science Theater 3000: Alien from L.A. (1993)
- SoundtracksTake a Chance
by Kevin MacLeod
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- Runtime34 minutes