Reviews

Joe Eszterhas was the perfect man to write "Basic Instinct" and, sadly, "Showgirls." He's turned sleaziness into an art form. So, you think he'd be the "write" guy for a satire on Hollywood movers and shakers. Slippery producers, wacko directors, narcissistic actors. This is Joe's world. Unfortunately, "An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn" is not exactly "The Player." The script is not as clever by half. For those who don't know, Alan Smithee is the name directors use when they feel their movies have been altered or even ruined by studio intervention. They don't want their real names associated with the finished product. The joke here--and it's a small one--is that the director (Monty Python vet Eric Idle) is Alan Smithee. That's his real name. The studio isn't satisfied with the action movie he's made so they re-cut it, much to his dismay. He decides to steal the master copy and burn it. Idle is wasted in the title role. He's a caricature and, as such, someone we can't really sympathize with. That leaves us with a series of interviews with actors, producers and agents telling us, in documentary fashion, what went wrong with Smithee's film. None of them are particularly interesting. Rappers Chuck D and Coolio come off best as independent filmmakers the Brothers brothers (yet another lame joke). Ryan O'Neal is one dimensional as a slimy producer who expected the film to become another "Titanic." O'Neal's inclusion should have been one tip-off that "An Alan Smithee Film..." would turn into a real Alan Smithee film. In fact, Arthur Hiller took his name off it. Incidentally, the film being made in "An Alan Smithee Film..." is a big budget thriller starring Sylvester Stallone, Whoopi Goldberg and Jackie Chan. Perhaps Eszterhas should have used that concept instead. It's hard to say who this film was made for. It's not a realistic satire of Hollywood movie makers...it's not funny...and, considering Joe's reputation, there aren't any wild sex scenes to keep us from being bored. Stick to the sleaze, Joe. It's what you do best.

Time has not been kind to Muhammad Ali. Parkinson's disease has reduced him to a shadow of his former greatness, which makes this film all the more special. It shows us Ali at his smart-mouthed, fleet-footed best. "When We Were Kings" documents the events leading up to the now classic Ali-Foreman fight in 1974, dubbed the Rumble in the Jungle. Muhammad Ali was more than just a superb boxer. He was the most charismatic athlete we've ever seen, and "When We Were Kings" reminds us why.

You feel sorry for the two leads in this film, and it has nothing to do with their respective characters. No, you sympathize with Sarah Polley ("The Sweet Hereafter") and Eric Thal because they both try so hard to make the most of poorly-written roles. Josephine is a college student and aspiring journalist. Joe is a wiretapper masquerading as a phone company technician. They meet in a bar. She's intrigued and pursues Joe, but Joe plays it cool. They finally get together, have a night of bland sex (bland to the viewer, anyway) and begin a complicated relationship. She finds out about his secret occupation, and continues to date him. He has no people skills whatsoever, and embarrasses Josephine in front of her friends. She continues to date him. It's not until much later in the film that she comes to her senses and realizes what a jerk Joe is. It's a variation of Roger Ebert's idiot plot. The story continues only because both characters are too stupid to realize they're hopelessly wrong for each other. "Joe's So Mean to Josephine" wastes the talents of Polley and Thal. On the bright side, it was nice to see the city of Toronto actually playing itself this time, instead of pretending to be New York or Chicago.

Is "Patch Adams" overly sentimental? Yes. Is it manipulative? Sometimes. Does it work? Yes, for the most part. It's easy to dismiss a movie that tries a little too hard to make you cry. You meet the title character (Robin Williams), an unconventional med student who wants hospital patients to be seen as people and not numbers, and you may think, "Ha, I know where this is going, and it's not going to suck me in." Well, it got me. When we first meet Patch, he's in trouble. A difficult childhood resulted in a suicide attempt, and now he's in a mental hospital. He cures himself by helping the other patients and, upon his release, Patch decides to become a doctor. He spends his years in med school railing against the impersonal approaches of fellow students and teachers, bucking convention, angering the establishment and going to extremes to brighten the lives of countless patients. Some may cringe at the sight of Patch donning a clown nose, or using bed pans as shoes in a childen's cancer ward. Yes, it's a bit syrupy, but it's done with warmth, and that is the key to buying into the whole tale...which is based on a true story. Williams exudes warmth. This is a tailor-made role for his offbeat charm and zaniness and, unless you're a total ogre, you can't help but like him. How much of the role is the real Patch, and how much is Williams being Williams is anyone's guess, but he skillfully blends wacky antics and heartfelt emotions. Of course, most of Patch's classmates disagree with his unusual treatments. They come around in the end...you knew that, right? Despite such cliches, "Patch Adams" is, dare I say it, a "feel good" movie. Normally, that phrase is associated with lower level critics...the ones who take advantage of free food at studio screenings and never have a bad word to say about any movie...but I felt good after seeing "Patch Adams," and I'm not ashamed to say I did get misty-eyed more than once.

Charlie Pope is carrying a very valuable commodity. Is it drugs? Guns? No, it's his kidney. I kid you not! Pope (Miguel Ferrer) is a struggling movie screenwriter who travels to Mexico to use a murder case as the basis for his newest story (why doesn't he just re-write an old classic like everyone else?). His boss back in L.A. is played by Harvey Fierstein, who's out of place here as a foul-mouthed tyrant. Pope meets a gorgeous blonde and, naturally, this coupling can only spell trouble for our hero. He's knocked unconscious. The next thing he knows, he's short one kidney. Black market kidneys are apparently big business in Mexico (actually, the reason for the operation is explained at the end of the movie). Pope spends the rest of the film trying to find out who nicked his organ. Later on, he finds out they plan to take his other kidney. How's this for a promo slogan: They took his kidney...this time it's personal! He also makes out with the aforementioned young lady. The love scenes are typical of this genre, featuring overheated foreplay that leads to lacklustre slo-mo sex. During one scene, Pope fondles his partner while driving a VW Beetle. He struggles to keep his eyes on the road as she stands up through the sunroof and raises her dress. You want to yell at them, "for God's sake, stop the car and get it over with." All in all, "The Harvest" is reasonably well done. The pace never lags, and Ferrer does a good job in the lead role. It's not exactly "The Fugitive", but you could do a lot worse in the action/adventure field.

There's a scene in "The Break" where the tennis coach picks up his protege's racquet in the middle of a match and says, "the strings are loose." Any player who was competing in a nationally-televised match would have had his racquets re-strung before hitting the court. What makes this surprising is that the coach is played by former pro tennis player (and once in the top 40 in the world, at that) Vince Van Patten. He co-wrote the movie, so he should have known better. Such errors occur frequently in "The Break". Chair umpires call out "fault" and "double fault". Real-life umpires don't...linespeople call "out" when a serve is missed. Perhaps these concessions were made to help explain the game to non-tennis players. I kept waiting for a disclaimer to appear on screen saying, "the object of the game is to hit the ball between the white lines..." If you're not a tennis buff, all you're left with is a ho-hum drama featuring every sports film cliche from "The Bad News Bears", "The Karate Kid" and "Rocky". Let's see. There's Joel, the naive young player. Joel's tough-talking father (Martin Sheen) wants him to quit tennis and take over the family business. Van Patten plays a washed-up former tennis star, and Gerritt Graham is on hand as the arrogant opposing coach who isn't averse to bending the rules. Even the female characters are walking cliches. Rae Dawn Chong represents the bad relationship from the coach's past, and Valerie Perrine plays a sexpot (what a shocker!). There's also an awkward subplot involving a tournament referee with an unsettling attraction to the young players. I bet real-life officials were thrilled when they saw that! Having said all that, you still find yourself rooting for Joel. He survives an irresponsible and uncommitted coach (who, you can bet, will be there for Joel at the end), biased officiating and numerous other setbacks to make it to the finals against his nemesis. Guess what? This player trounced Joel the last time they met. ESPN tennis commentators Fred Stolle and Cliff Drysdale play themselves. By the end of the telecast, Stolle has fallen asleep at the microphone. Unless you're a diehard tennis fan, you may find yourself doing the same thing.

Few films have stayed with me like "The Bad News Bears". I first saw it when it was released in 1976 and, at the time, I played little league (well, the Canadian equivalent). It was easy to cheer for this gang of misfits back then. The surprising this is, I always find myself tuning in to catch it whenever it appears on TV. It remains a surprisingly accurate portrait of young ball players, snobby league officials and overbearing parents. Walter Matthau is Buttermaker, the coach assigned to lead this motley crew of talentless kids. Their fortunes change somewhat when Matthau convinces the daughter of an old girlfriend (Tatum O'Neal, just coming off a shocking Oscar win for "Paper Moon") to pitch for the team. Buttermaker taught her to throw a mean curveball prior to divorcing her mother. The Bears go from losers to winners when the local juvenile delinquent, Kelly Leak, joins the team. He's a virtual one-man team, swatting home-runs and catching everything in sight. The Bears end up going all the way to the championship game against the hated Yankees. The cast is excellent. Matthau is completely believable as a washed-up ex pro ball player who drinks too much. O'Neal is convincing as the star hurler, and Jackie Earl Haley ("Breaking Away") makes a strong impression as Leak. Ironically, this is one of the few movies where Haley is one of the bigger kids. In later roles, he would always be the short guy in the group. Vic Morrow is perfectly smug as the Yankees coach who can't stand to see the Bears succeed. It sets up a classic battle in the championship game. The Bad News Bears was the forerunner, of sorts, of The Mighty Ducks. The main difference is that The Bad News Bears gets the baseball details right, whereas few American films have portrayed hockey in a realistic way. I still cringe at the thought of "Youngblood". It also set the stage for two vastly inferior sequels (without Matthau or O'Neal). No, The Bad News Bears is a cut above most sports films because it helps you understand what it's like to compete at that age. It also makes great use of music from Bizet's Carmen. After seeing this film, you'll immediately think of the Bears when you hear the "March of the Torreodors".

Few movies have done so much with so little. "The Warriors" doesn't have big-time special effects, fancy sets or even a big name cast. It's set in New York, and makes incredible use of seemingly ordinarly locations such as the subway, city streets and even Coney Island. It's a tribute to director Walter Hill's skills at setting the mood, and choreographing great fight scenes. The movie starts out at a gang rally of sorts. A member of one gang kills the leader of another, and pins the blame on the Warriors. Then the chase is on. The falsely-accused gang members have to fight their way home, and every other gang is out to get them. They encounter one bizarre gang after another. Michael Beck is perfectly cast as Swan, the leader of the Warriors. He's tough, showing little emotion, even when fending off the feminine charms of Deborah Van Valkenburg (who would later play one of Ted Knight's daughters on "Too Close for Comfort"). They make a good pair. As he's proven in countless other films, including "48 Hours" and "Streets of Fire", Hill is a master at staging the big battle. His punch-ups are gritty, yet they're done with style and flair. You root for the Warriors to succeed, not just because you like them, but also because you wonder what kind of conflict they'll face next. You know they'll clear their names eventually, but the action-packed journey home is what makes this film memorable.

There are some startling things in "One Night Stand" but here's the most amazing aspect: it was directed by the same guy who made "Leaving Las Vegas." How do you follow up one of the saddest, most emotional, gut-wrenching dramas in recent memory? Maybe you rest for a while instead of taking on projects like this one. What Figgis saw in this bizarre tale of adultery is anyone's guess. The movie opens with Wesley Snipes (playing a confused TV ad director) talking to the camera. Why? Does he think he's in a Woody Allen movie? Due to an awkward set of circumstances, the married Snipes ends up sharing a hotel room with Nastassja Kinski. They start in separate beds, and end up in the same one. The guilty man goes home to his wife and family. After a night of sex with a strange woman, ol' Wesley could use a rest, but no, his wife jumps him like there's no tomorrow. She's played by Ming-Na Wen, who has one of the longest, loudest orgasms ever heard in a movie that doesn't star Nina Hartley. (You almost expect Snipes to look at the camera and say, "Holy cow, did you hear that?"). Then there's an odd subplot involving one of Snipes' friends, who is dying of AIDS. The doomed man is played by Robert Downey Jr., and he's really the best thing in the movie. Actually, his story is almost a movie in itself. Downey is also the only truly likable character in the film. Snipes' ad man is a jerk, and Kinski is a bore, even in the love scenes (maybe she should have taken lessons from Wen). Here's another strange occurrence. The ravishing Ione Skye ("Say Anything") plays a minor role as a party girl. Give her Kinski's part and the result might have been a more interesting film. Maybe. Nothing seemed to go right with this one. Hopefully, Figgis will get back on track and put "One Night Stand" behind him.

What makes a good chiller? Gore, special effects? No, as director Jack Clayton proves here, it's atmosphere, combined with the sounds of horror, that makes the difference. Granted, I've seen just about every Elm Street and Friday the 13th instalment, but "The Innocents" proves that what you don't see can scare you the most. Deborah Kerr is in fine form as an English governess who is sent to a remote mansion in the country to look after two young orphans. Their "uncle" in London doesn't have time for them. Kerr slowly begins to realize there's something not quite right with the young boy and girl. Their thoughts and actions are not consistent with the behavior of pre-teens. There's a dark secret, and Kerr sets out to discover it. We do see the ghosts, but it's when Kerr searches the house for the sources of strange noises and voices that we really feel a chill. "The Innocents" also makes great use of its black and white photography. I can't imagine it working as well in color (are you listening, Gus Van Sant?). Shadows just seem creepier in black and white. The children are well played by Martin Stephens and Pamela Franklin. Franklin was 11 when she made this film, and as an adult she would go on to star in another excellent haunted house movie, "The Legend of Hell House." It's a shame that Hollywood has stopped making movies like "The Innocents." Perhaps audiences used to Halloween-style slashers, "Scream" and "I Know What You Did Last Summer" would be demanding blood and guts. Yes, "Scream" was, pardon the pun, a cut above. It raised the slumping horror bar to new heights, and then "I Know..." ran under that bar, but that's another story. If you want genuine chills rather than cheap thrills, you can't do much better than "The Innocents."

I'm not a John Grisham fan. I did sneak a peek at a friend's copy of "The Rainmaker", read about twenty pages filled with cliched characters, and I still can't figure out why his books sell millions. The movie version of "The Firm" was lacklustre, and I nearly nodded off during "The Pelican Brief". On the flipside, I enjoyed "A Time to Kill". So, it was with some apprehension that I tuned into "The Rainmaker" on cable. The fact that Francis Coppola directed it eased my worries a bit. "Apocalypse Now" was amazing, and the Godfather movies are classics. Coppola has a way of bringing out the best in even the most simplistic material. Matt Damon was the ideal choice to play the young, this-is-my-first-case-and-boy-am-I-scared lawyer who takes on a big insurance company. Mickey Rourke disappears too quickly as Damon's would-be mentor, but thankfully we have Danny DeVito around as a resourceful paralegal who shows Damon the ropes. There's an awkward subplot involving a battered wife (Claire Danes, unfortunately always sporting a fat lip or a black eye). Naturally, Damon feels sorry for her, and falls in love. Perhaps Grisham should have written a second book! No, let's not give him any ideas. The investigations leading to the big trial are well done, and Coppola does a great job setting up the courtroom battle. We can't help rooting for Damon as he fights to prove the insurance company's failure to pay a claim resulted in the death of a young man. It's not exactly "The Verdict". That movie was far more complex (and featured a superb performance from Paul Newman). Still, "The Rainmaker" delivers. And, I'm actually looking forward to seeing "The Chamber." Note to Hollywood: Why not give Grisham a rest, and make more movies from Scott Turow's novels? Just a thought.

Actually, it's more like "Groundhog Day" meets "Thelma & Louise", hooks up with "The Final Countdown" and takes "Back to the Future" along for the ride. A young woman experiences car trouble on a remote Texas highway, and gets picked up by a sleazy thug and his girlfriend. People die, things blow up. Luckily our heroine is a Chicago cop, so she manages to escape...to a secret government testing site where a scientist has been developing a time machine. Far fetched? Sure, but it IS a time travel movie after all. The machine enables the cop to go back ten minutes into the past, so she can try to rectify the situation. Kylie Travis makes quite an impression as the resourceful cop. Actually, I missed the opening credits. I thought I was watching Brenda Bakke, from TV's "American Gothic". The ressemblance is striking. If you like Brenda, you'll love Kylie. Anyway, James Belushi is fairly effective as the low-life killer who enjoys tormenting his girlfriend (a surprisingly unglamorous Shannon Whirrey, star of all those racy erotic thrillers on Cinemax). "Retroactive" lacks the inventiveness of "Back to the Future" and, at under 90 minutes, it's a little short. The "Groundhog Day"-style re-enactments could have used more dialog and less screeching tires, and Frank Whaley is a touch bland as the scientist. I'm surprised he took such a minor role in the first place. Having said all that, if you enjoy time travel movies, "Retroactive" is certainly worth a look.

There's a pivotal scene in this movie in which a sexy teenager tries to seduce an older, family friend. She says he's the type who always looks but never acts on his impulses. She's right, because he refuses her advances. Too bad. This movie needed some excitement. The characters are so whiny, so self-absorbed that you just want to slap them and say, "get over it." The main character is a widowed man, played by Peter Gallagher. His wife (Michelle Pfeiffer) died in a boating accident, but she appears to him on the beach. Can you say, "Ghost"? Unfortunately, there's no Whoopi Golberg to provide comic relief. There's no whoopi at all. There is Claire Danes. I love Claire. She's going to win a few Oscars over her career, but not if she keeps picking weepy stories like this one. Claire also walks along the beach in a thong bikini, and I'd like to thank her, and the producers for those moments. I think that's why the slo-mo button was invented for VCRs. That's it for the spice. Then everyone starts whining again, and you start checking your watch to see how much longer you have to endure these annoying people.

First of all, I loved the book. It remains my favorite Stephen King novel. Secondly, the TV adaption was well done. Still, I think Kubrick did a great job at creating the atmopshere necessary for a good, scary movie. It's full of incredible visuals, and great tracking shots (especially when we follow Danny riding on his big wheel through the hotel hallways). Sure, Nicholson gives an over-the-top performance but...that's what he does in almost every movie he's in. Have you ever heard of him giving a "restrained" performance? Shelley Duvall is okay. Actually, Rebecca DeMornay was a big improvement in the TV movie. I know King fans who absolutely hate this movie. They say Kubrick changed too many plot points and ruined the whole thing. I say there's more than one way to tell a good story. King did it very well, and so did Kubrick...just in a different way. I'd rank The Shining up there with the best horror films of all time, along side "The Bride of Frankenstein", "Psycho", and "The Exorcist", among others. It actually reminds me of another superb haunted house movie: "The Haunting", from the early '60s. Both movies create that sense of isolation; the fear of turning the next corner or opening the door everyone is afraid to open. It's also the best King adaption, although "Stand By Me", "Misery" and "The Shawshank Redemption" are close behind. If you haven't seen it, rent it. If you're one of those angry King fans, give it a second chance. It's worth it.