Rhealist's Reviews

The Scary of Sixty-First (2021)

1/10

5 April 2022

Warning: Spoilers

Perhaps the fact that the title is ungrammatical and makes no sense is the first clue.

I think this is the worst movie I've ever seen - and I'm a collector of bad movies. I've watched Plan 9 From Outer Space and The Room with great pleasure. This one goes way beyond "so bad it's good"; it's just bad. So bad I watched in utter fascination: the horrible dialogue, the poor acting, the dreadful sex scenes (in a movie that claims to be all about the "elites" exploiting young women), the plot that seems to be a mish-mash of QAnon nonsense and poorly executed horror movie tropes.

If you're a fan of bad movies, then it's worth seeing just to have seen it. Otherwise, spare yourselves.

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Missing in Action (1984)

1/10

Mindless and exploitative

1 August 2003

My expectations for muscle movies aren't that high - but this one failed miserably to even come close to meeting those low expectations.

This is a piece of exploitation, trying to build on popular sentiments over the possibility of US POWs in Vietnam, but without showing enough respect for its subject to make a decent movie. Instead, we are offered offensive stereotypes (the weasel politician, the noble veteran, the trusty sidekick, the so-evil arch-enemies) and idiotic plotting.

Even the action scenes fall flat - the hero is so heroic (if careless, walking into traps over and over again), the villains so incompetent, that there's never any suspense. Braddock just goes through the motions, because that's what the plot calls for.

Rating: forget this one - watch Rambo instead.

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Sweet Home Alabama (2002)

4/10

As shallow as its main character

10 January 2003

It took me a while to realize why this movie left me feeling so flat. In the end, I realized that it is the story of a shallow woman - who lies about her past and takes out her anger and rejection of her past on her friends and family. But it's supposed to be OK, because she's so charming, isn't she? (The big unanswered question is: why does everyone else put up with her?)

The story follows a well-worn plot line - skipping steps when convenient. Conflicts don't go away, they just disappear when the story calls for it, leaving no sense of resolution.

Rating: skip this one, it's been done often before, and often done better.

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The Terminator (1984)

9/10

Still unmatched

18 July 2002

This is one of the movies I enjoy watching over and over again, and the one movie I would love to (to steal a line from the MIB commercial) "see again for the first time." It is amazing that a rookie director was able to make a movie this good.

The sequel is technically better, but this one has more heart.

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Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

5/10

A disappointment...

28 May 2002

Warning: Spoilers

George Lucas seems to have got so wrapped up in special effects, he's forgotten the basics of film-making. This file has some of the worst dialogue I have seen outside in years, and a number of major plot holes big enough to drive the Death Star through.

The special effects are indeed special - though at times things get so busy it's hard to keep track. Effects alone don't make a movie, though.

(Mild spoilers below.)

Am I really supposed to believe that Anakin, the future Darth Vader, after 10 years of Jedi training, would still whine like a five-year-old that "it's not fair"? Am I supposed to believe that Anakin is so concerned about his mother, when he left her as a slave then made no effort in ten years to even find out how she's doing?

I'm supposed to believe that anyone would leave Jar Jar in a position of great power and influence?

There were some good points - to quote a teenager I know, Yoda rocks. And Christopher Lee was superb, though this role is a direct repetition of his role as Saruman in Lord of the Rings (one is tempted to think that Lucas borrowed the LOTR footage and edited out the beard...) The other actors, unfortunately, did not get a chance to shine, given the poor material they had to work with.

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A Beautiful Mind (2001)

6/10

A simplistic mind...

2 April 2002

As a movie, A Beautiful Mind works well enough - in fact, it comes off as a standard Hollywood "man meets adversity and conquers it with the support of a loyal woman" film.

Watching it though, I couldn't help feeling that a complex life had been simplified and ironed out to fit that standard mold. What do we know of the real man behind the film, at the end? Do we get any sense of the complexity of his achievements, or of his problems? If I were to believe this movie, I would believe that Nash had only one single idea in his life, and a simple (if pervasive) problem to face.

Unfortunately, at the end, I'm left with the images of Crowe acting out nervous tics, and Jennifer Connelly playing the impossibly loyal wife.

The IMDB info for this film says that "A number of facts in John Nash's life were intentionally altered for dramatic and commercial reasons" - unfortunately, so many of them that in the end A Beautiful Mind felt like a lie to me. Ron Howard got his dramatic and commercial success, but something significant was lost in the translation...

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Léon: The Professional (1994)

8/10

An odd treat...

4 March 2002

This is an entertaining film, even if somewhat disturbing in some ways. Good action, interesting characters - too bad really that the plot makes no sense (but at least, unlike many blockbusters such as Mission Impossible, the plot is kept simple.)

It is an action movie, yes, but at its heart it's really about the encounter between Léon, emotionally crippled if highly functional in his craft, and Mathilda, the troubled child looking for love and revenge (and ignorant of both.) Not Besson's best effort, but worth seeing.

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Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)

4/10

The video game had a better plot...

30 December 2001

What is it with these big-budget special-effects Hollywood movies that makes everyone involved turn their brains off? Wasn't there *one* person around to say "Wait, this doesn't make any sense!"

Hint: There is *not* an alignment of all planets every 5000 years (and even if there were, that would not automatically produce a full solar eclipse.)

I wasn't expecting much - an evening's entertainment. But the effects and stunts were standard fare, and couldn't hide the hollowness of the movie. There's more to making a good movie than false breasts and lots of jumping around...

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The Girl on a Motorcycle (1968)

5/10

Interesting as a period piece, not as a movie

24 May 2001

First off, the video I saw claims to be the uncut version; this wasn't the heavily censored version released in North America (not that much of it would be cut today.)

The most interesting thing about this movie is how typical it is of the 60s - from the psychedelic effects to the long-winded talk about freedom.

It's also an hypocritical movie, in a way - while using nudity and strong sexual imagery, the film is a thinly-disguised attack on the 60s concept of freedom and "free love". This is a film that simultaneously tries to use the freedom ideal of the 60s and to criticize that ideal.

The director is best-known as a cinematographer, and it shows; while the film is very shallow in terms of plot and message, the cinematography is often brilliant.

Rating: worth seeing for historical reasons, not on its own merits.

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Titan A.E. (2000)

5/10

Good graphics, no logic

23 February 2001

I think this movie must be a cinematic milestone. Nothing in this film made any sense at all! Even the many cliches made no sense.

But yes, great animation.

I think I'll watch either Toy Story movie again - there's no reason a movie with great animation can't have a good story to go with it.

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Chicken Run (2000)

10/10

Best comedy in a long time

3 August 2000

Before the opening credits are done, this movie has already delivered more wit and humour than a dozen standard comedies put together. A film that will amuse everyone, from young children to discerning adults.

Rating: See it more than once - you didn't catch everything the first time!

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Dinosaur (2000)

6/10

Great animation, same old story

12 June 2000

The animation in this movie, taken on its own, would be worth a 10. Too bad they couldn't come up with a better story. The plot is a mixture of Disney's own Tarzan and of The Land Before Time, and there's not one piece of this story that hasn't been done a million times before. It's also disappointing to see the dinosaurs animated so realistically, yet acting like (in the typical Disney mode) humans in animal form - a more courageous movie would have dealt with the creatures in their own right, without the cute and totally unrealistic dialogue.

On the whole, the movie strikes a good balance in appealing to different age groups, but some scenes may be scary for young children, and the film requires a few big leaps of faith for adults.

Rating: see it for the animation - the predictability of the plot will make it easier to notice details such as the lemurs' realistic fur.

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Gladiator (2000)

6/10

Spectacular, but shallow

14 May 2000

There's no doubt that Gladiator looks great, and it's a fun movie to watch. Don't expect too much from the story though; there's nothing here that hasn't been done a hundred times (see Titus for a movie that does it better), played here in a way that was more reminiscent of professional wrestling than of Shakespeare.

They should have cut out most of the dialogue and focused on the action, for a tighter, more exciting, package.

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Arlington Road (1999)

3/10

More plot holes than plot

21 February 2000

Warning: Spoilers

I had high hopes for this movie, featuring a cast of top actors. Unfortunately, the plot is incredibly unrealistic - to say the plot is thin would be incorrect, as that would suggest there is a plot that holds together.

Spoiler: Am I really to believe that a group of terrorists would build a sophisticated and precise plan relying on exactly predicting the actions of a man in a panic? Such a plot would have a ridiculously small chance of success...

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Toy Story 2 (1999)

8/10

Fun

20 January 2000

A film that shows that great animation doesn't preclude wit and subtlety. Much of the humour in this film will be way above children's heads (but they'll have plenty to enjoy too), with references ranging from Spinal Tap to Star Wars.

Don't miss the "outtakes" in the credits - the funniest part of the movie.

Rating: worth seeing more than once.

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The Prince of Egypt (1998)

Entertaining enough, but the background outstripped the story

23 September 1999

Prince of Egypt tells a well-known story reasonably well, without breaking new ground at that level. Unfortunately, the action often took precedence over the story, or even over basic credibility (the chariot race scene was entirely ludicrous - it would have fit into a more comical film than this one, but was out of step with the serious themes the movie wished to explore.) Some scenes, however, were very effective - in particular, the deaths of the first-born sons.

The animation was indeed impressive in some ways - the backgrounds and special effects were amazing, but the character animation did not measure up and seemed crude by comparison (for example, the animators seemed unable to properly depict characters walking or running.) As a result, the effects turn out to be stronger than the characters themselves, making the movie somewhat unbalanced at times.

Rating: worth seeing once - a good film, but not a classic.

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The Sixth Sense (1999)

10/10

This film surprised me

7 September 1999

It's not often a film surprises me. I didn't really know what to expect from the film, which was good - I suggest anyone wanting to see that film stop reading reviews about it and just go to see it without a lot of prior baggage.

One person in my group described this film as European - a film that dared to move slowly, yet always kept our attention. The acting was superb - to me, it was particularly satisfying to see Willis acting without hiding behind a cigarette and a cloud of smoke.

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Being There (1979)

9/10

A treat to watch and watch again

26 August 1999

Being There is a pleasure to watch, a wonderful blend of whimsy and cutting social/political commentary, of humour that exposes how people are guided by their assumptions, while remaining sympathetic to those people. Chance is the perfect mirror, throwing our culture's image back at us in a new light.

The strengths of this film are the script, and Peter Sellers' performance (among the best ever captured on film.)

Rating: Worth seeing over and over again.

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Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

7/10

Incredibly silly - I like that

29 June 1999

This movie continues what the original started. So many jokes some of them have to score, a lot of references to other movies (some might consider that a rip-off, I prefer to view it as paying homage to what's been done before.) Those who don't like gross-out humour should stay away.

This is not a film to be taken seriously, but one to relax and enjoy. The laughter in the theatre was loud and frequent, so I'm obviously not the only one to feel this way.

Rating: worth seeing more than once.

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Disturbing Behavior (1998)

3/10

Amazingly unoriginal

28 May 1999

This film was so derivative, the only pleasure we got watching it was trying to identify which movie a particular scene was most directly stolen from. The result is a formless mishmash with no character of its own.

At every turn, there was something that didn't make sense - such as the two main characters entering and wandering around freely in an insane asylum (which was itself as clichéd as anything in the movie.) What, no security, no locked doors to keep the inmates in or intruders out?

Rating: skip this one.

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Lethal Weapon 4 (1998)

4/10

Overused formula killed by excess

11 May 1999

I was a big fan of the original Lethal Weapons. I enjoyed the next two (though they showed a tendency to pile on more and more, getting more and more excessive.)

That trend, unfortunately, reaches disaster proportions in Lethal Weapon 4. As with each previous sequel, they've added one more major character, more one-liners, more action, more effects - resulting in a formless mishmash where the elements are all competing for attention leaving the viewer overwhelmed rather than entertained. (Consider that the excellent Rene Russo is relegated to a minor role.)

There is a plot somewhere in there, and some character issues, but all is obscured by the frantic pace - trying to fit in dialogue during a car chase scene, for example.

Worth seeing, but turn off your brain and just enjoy the effects. In the end, it's a demonstration of special effects and stunt work more than a coherent movie.

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A Bug's Life (1998)

7/10

Great fun, but not a classic

28 April 1999

This movie is fun for adults and children alike, and the animation is, of course, spectacular.

The story is merely adequate, though, following well-worn conventions. Many of the plot twists were too convenient or incredible.

What can you say when the best part of the movie was the fake bloopers during the final credits? That the goal was to make a fun movie, I guess - which was the result achieved.

Rating: worth seeing once, the bloopers are worth seeing again.

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Blues Brothers 2000 (1998)

8/10

What else do you expect from a Blues Brothers movie?

10 February 1999

In many ways, a cheesy movie. But fun, and with fabulous music.

Rating: worth seeing often, for the music and the corny humour.

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Stepmom (1998)

7/10

Could have been better, but Sarandon was great

27 January 1999

In the end, this movie does not live up to Susan Sarandon's superb performance; the resolutions to the various conflicts wound up being too cliched or too easy. The end result is a moving film, but not a great one.

Rating: Worth seeing for Susan Sarandon. Bring tissues.

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Law & Order (1990– )

Good, but one-sided

27 January 1999

Law and Order deserves the praise it has received, but every time I watch it, I'm disturbed by the negative way in which the defense is presented. I know this is inherent in having such a show - obviously the main characters (the prosecutors) have to be the good guys, but - let's say that if I were a defendant in court, I'd prefer that the jury members *not* be regular watchers of this show, because of it's pro-prosecution bias.

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