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Shan-14
Reviews
Orca (1977)
Orca Bites!
Last night, I watched Orca, and I really don't know why. What possessed me to rent this horrid, 1977, Jaws ripoff? Maybe it was because of Bo Derek. I might've been hoping to see her in a bikini. If so, I was disappointed. She doesn't flash us any skin, except a bit of leg (heh) in her fateful Bo vs. Orca scene. Here's your spoiler: a hot pants-clad Bo Derek, with one leg in a full-leg plaster cast (even though only her foot was supposed to be broken), rolls closer and closer to the mighty jaws of a seriously cheesed-off, home-wrecking, killer whale. After the killer whale finishes destroying the house, he bites Bo's leg clean off!
In his rampage, the whale also destroys an entire harbour full of boats, an oil refinery, and a small fishing village.
Why does this killer whale live up to his name? Well, it's because Captain Ahab, er, Nolan the fisherman, accidentally murdered the whale's wife and unborn child in a terrific gross-out scene. After skewering the she-whale with a drugged harpoon, the panicking whale rams herself into the whirling propellers of the boat. Nolan winches the heavily-bleeding whale into the air and hoists her over the deck. That's when a gash opens up on her underside and a whale foetus plunks out onto the boat. This is pure whale exploitation, and, if there was a bit more placenta and gore, the kind of thing you'd expect to see on Stile Project.
Nolan rinses the offensive proto-whale off his deck and tears off to port with the lacerated, de-calf-inated whale hanging like an oversized black-and-white punching bag. Is it any wonder that Mr. Whale gets a bit irked?
Predictable whale vs. boat attacks ensue, and crew member after crew member inexorably fall victim to the miffed Orca. Finally, it's just Nolan vs. the whale somewhere up near the Arctic Circle. The whale wins, of course, and swims away accompanied by one of the worse love songs I have ever heard. Good God! I may never erase those horrid notes from my ears. Yikes....
I guess the moral of the story is don't ever p*** off a whale.
Enter the Dragon (1973)
Yippee Ki Ai!
If you're a martial arts movie fan and you haven't seen Enter the Dragon, there's no excuse for you. This is the Hollywood granddaddy of 'em all, and not just because of Bruce Lee. Admittedly, Bruce Lee supplies the best fight scenes in the film (the one featuring ex-model John Saxon is very disappointing. Brutish Bolo is touted as the big boss fighter throughout the movie, and when he doesn't actually fight Lee, it's a definite let-down.). The film also has cameo performances from some very big name performers before they became internationally-known: Chuck Norris, Jackie Chan, and Sammo Hung are the three I noticed. Unfortunately, they are not listed in the credits.
Bruce Lee is great to watch, not just as a supreme martial artist but also for the anatomy lesson he provides. Lee is all bone, sinew, and muscle, and his skin almost seems to be an afterthought. There's not a shred of fat on his frame, and it is easy to see which muscles come into play for various movements.
The film is filled with vintage 70s cheese, from the over-the-top cool cat performance of Jim Kelly and his afro, to the funky wakka-wakka guitar music. Every punch and every kick, even if it doesn't actually hit anything, is accompanied by a swooshing or smacking sound effect. It's as though every strike breaks the sound barrier. And when contact is actually made, enormous thwacking sounds accompany it. I may only be a yellow belt in karate, but something tells me if my arm really made that smacking sound every time I punched, there must be something horribly wrong with my joints.
I found the panoramic scenes of karateka training to be very interesting. It looks like a complete hodgepodge of styles. I also noticed an awful lot of white belts, considering the setting is an elite invitational tournament. I thought the white belts would be there as practice targets for the masters, but the movie just didn't shape up that way. Instead, it was the hapless guards who got to be the punching bags. Something tells me all the students from all the martial arts schools in the Hong Kong area were herded onto the set as extras. I saw a lot of sloppy strikes during the punching drills, and many of the white belts didn't appear able to tie their belts properly. I saw more than one belt tied like a big floppy shoe lace, and a couple with one end poking straight up toward the wearers' chests.
The version of the film I saw includes a behind-the-scenes short and an interview with Bruce Lee, featuring some home video footage and some of Lee's philosophies on martial arts. I enjoyed watching Lee teach his infant son how to do kicks, but could have done without the syrupy aggrandizing of Lee's wife.
As with most martial arts films, don't watch this expecting much in the way of plot. Watch it for Lee. He really is awe-inspiring.
Lisztomania (1975)
Brilliantly weird!
Where else are you going to find a movie about famous composers, Frankenstein, Thor, Hitler, Superman, a lich, cigars, vampires, philosophy, perversion, papacy, war, love, Charlie Chaplin, and heaven? And where else will you see a penis kick line? This movie removes the need for mind-altering drugs. Seeing it is a trip unto itself.