Reviews

To put it briefly, if it weren't for "Slaughter of the Innocents" this would be the worst film I have ever seen. This film isn't just pants, its parachute pants. Some people are claiming this is a great satire on modern society, don't listen to them, they're idiots, this film is a great steaming pile of horse manure. I'd prefer to watch "Frankenhooker" over and over again than watch this rubbish once more - its a terrible, moronic film. If you watch this film you'll be sorry you didn't beat yourself around the head with a baseball bat instead, because that would be time better spent. Put yourself through a washing machine, become a dancer, perform a lobotomy on yourself even listen to nsync records if you have to, just don't watch this film. No wait, forget that nsync bit, even this isn't that bad.

I saw about 10 minutes of this rubbish a few days ago, and I must admit I thought it was some comedy sketch show doing a parody of "That 70s Show". Unfortunately for me, and for the makers of this "thing", I was wrong, it's actually a real programme. Its the british version of "That 70s Show", all the characters are the same only way worse, the most pathetic thing being that they've tried to make them all look the same as the American versions, why on earth they've done this I don't know, its very, very sad.

The real "That 70s Show" can be quite funny at times, but this thing is more of a drama even though its supposed to be a comedy. Don't get me wrong - its about as dramatic as an episode of "Working" with Fred Savage, what I mean is a kick in the groin would be funnier. One of the main reasons I thought it was a parody was because I thought the character Donna was a man in a wig, I can't begin to explain how ugly the actress who plays this part is, Peter Griffin said it best - "aaaggghhhhh - did somebody open the Ark of the Covenant?????"

As far as I know this show has been cancelled and all the actors sold into slavery as a punishment. It still isn't enough though, I'm pushing for all prints of every episode to be force-fed to the writers of this bilge until no trace of them ever existing remains. Harsh but fair I think you'll agree.

This film is so bad that it has to be seen to be believed. Basically it involves an incredibly annoying child who somehow tracks down a crazy serial killer before the FBI's finest, including his father, have gotten anywhere with the case. As you can see, realism has no place in this film. There are so many ridiculous things in this film, I don't know where to start. Why must all lunatic serial killers in bad movies recite passages from the Bible to appear mad? The ending to this piece of trash is a classic piece of movie stupidity. At least by watching this rubbish I will see all other bad films (including "Cool as Ice") in a new light as none are even remotely as bad as this piece of crap. Now I don't want to waste my time on this movie ever again.

Why are continental films so damn poor. Don't they have film schools there? Amsterdamned is just another example of this. Please quit now before it gets out of hand, you've already inflicted Paul Verhoeven on us - enough is enough.

Anybody who thinks this film is great, desperately needs their head seen to. It strikes me that this film was made as a joke. It has no good points whatsoever. The props cost about $10 and the entire set looks like it could fall down at any time. Why do films like this get made in the first place? This also had two of the most annoying characters I have ever come across in the young boy on the spaceship and the redneck from the twentieth century. This film is almost as bad as "Cool as Ice" starring the incredibly talented Vanilla "misunderstood" Ice.

OK, so there is virtually no plot in this movie, the acting is atrocious at best and there are some very annoying characters in it. I know it sounded like there was going to be a but...., well there isn't, this movie is rubbish and it would be a waste of time to watch it.

While it is hardly necessary to comment on Vanilla Ice's acting abilities, other than to say that he makes Steven Segal look like Robert De Niro, I feel I should warn other unsuspecting innocents about this movie. To be brief, this is the worst movie I have ever seen, bar none, and I have seen some turkeys in my time. I know Ice's appalling music career should have warned me as to how bad this is, I had no idea as to the actual level of it's stupidity. Basically it's just a movie length music video(and a terrible one at that). It's only purpose is to further inflate Vanilla's already huge ego. You have to question the sanity of the director responsible for this piece of tripe. Surely he knew what he was getting himself into before he agreed to take the job?

Not as good as the first one, but a great movie nonetheless. The only drawback is James Furlong (very annoying). Robert Patrick is very convincing as the liquid metal terminator, especially the classic intense look on his face. I hear a sequel is in the pipeline. As sequels generally have to outdo their predecessor in terms of plot, how are they going to get an enemy more formiddable than the liquid metal guy? May I suggest a living nuclear gas cloud, played by Madonna?

This movie was strange mainly because the plot was so incoherent. The title refers to a vicious wind which renders the surface of the earth almost uninhabitable when it blows, but this seemed to have nothing whatsoever to do with what was going on. The movie seems to be an extremely poor rip-off of Bladerunner ie rogue android being chased by bounty hunter(or ruthless cop in this). Luke Skywalker turns in a surprisingly good performance as afore-mentioned rogue cop. Nothing seems to be resolved at the end of the movie, we never find out anything of any substance about the android or what his intentions are. There is one baffling scene where Bill Paxton(who has kidnapped the android) plays one particular song in his cardboard airplane for no particular reason(the song is called "Shape of things", by The Yardbirds). This happens again in a later scene where the same song is played for no apparent reason. Does this song have any relevance to the movie? Don't think so.

This movie contains very few established actors with Kathy Ireland and the Mexican guy from the A-Team being the best known. It also has as its hero a guy who looks remarkably like Mick Jagger(he has a huge jaw). The plot centres around a desert island which contains a sinister abandoned research facility. A motley crew of annoying people are washed ashore after a plane crash and terror ensues when some of them inexplicably turn into incredibly cheap looking monsters. The special effects are poor, especially the explosions at the start which sound similar to a cap-gun. Having said this it should be remembered that this is just a TV movie after all. There is one extremely strange scene halfway through the film when one of the characters makes what appears to be a vital quote about "operation Naomi", it appears as if he has some inside knowledge about the hugely chilling goings on, but no, our hopes are dashed. "Operation Naomi" is not mentioned again in the movie. This is the most bizarre part of the movie as it might have explained what the hell was going on, but it just made it more confusing. Finally, this movie contains poor TV actors and has a rotten script and minute budget for the special effects, but it is still one of the most entertaining TV movies ever made.

I strongly recommend that you do not watch this film. The plot (roughly) is a cop on the edge, trying to catch a serial killer. No one else believes in him and the powers that be are trying to get rid of him. Meanwhile his wife has left him and taken their daughter with her. I really can't describe how mediocre this film was. James Woods does a passable James Woods impression and not much else. Tension is never built up and the ending must be one of the most stupid anti-climaxes ever. The thing that really annoyed me was the stupid line he uses at the end. What was that about? This kind of film has been done a million times before and each and every one of those million is probably better than this. Save yourself the 2 hours and do something else instead of watching this movie.