Reviews

Well, I think this movie was pretty good. But it really got me thinking. I know it is a favourite Hollywood trick to cast a leading man with an attractive woman half his age as the love interest. This movie does not disappoint- Jack was 60 when this movie came out, and Helen was 34. Seeing as this movie was pretty good, and the lead male was double the love interest's age, logically, if a theoretical movie came out where the lead male's age was triple the love interest's, it would be even BETTER! Or how about quadruple? Or quintuple? Here's a pitch for a new movie. It's called "Better Than it Gets," and it stars Bob Hope and Natalie Portman. At first, they don't get along, because Bob keeps telling her how fat and ugly she is. But then, as a gesture of affection, he butts his cigar out in her eye, and she falls in love with him. How about it, Hollywood?

You like action? Adventure? War? British people? Silly hats? Muskets? Explosions? People who shoot things? Fencing? WWF style brawling? Sharpe's Rifles has them all. The first episode in the Sharpe series sets the tone for the epic to come- high adventure. Brilliantly written by Eoghan Harris, the best of the Sharpe writers, and equally brilliantly executed by Sean Bean and the rest of the talented cast. My only complaint is with the music- the electric guitar that pops up throughout the Sharpe series seems especially loud and annoying. However, this is easily overlooked in light of the near perfect nature of the rest of the show. Get off your computer! Watch this show! Now!

This film is pure evil. That is to say, it comes straight from hell. In fact, I am convinced that in hell, the most evil of all souls are forced to watch this film on a repeating loop. Here's the plot. There's this haunted TV, see? And there are zombies living in it. One horrible day, the TV gets delivered to some guy's house, and the zombies escape from the TV and kill him. A few months later, a woman, who has the biggest chin in the world, moves in to the house with her brother, who happens to be the worst actor in the world. He then becomes smitten with the ugliest woman in the world. Things are going great. Suddenly, the tranquility of this idealistic paradise is shattered when the worst actor in the world finds the haunted TV, and has his personal space violated by a naked woman that comes out of the TV. Thankfully, she is slain by "The Garbage Man," who was also in the TV, for some reason. The Garbage Man warns the worst actor in the world about the haunted TV, and tells him to hide it in the basement with a mirror taped in front of the screen. Foolishly, the worst actor in the world disregards the warning of the Garbage Man. But soon, the zombies attack the peaceful suburb, and begin killing the local residents. It is up to the worst actor in the world, and his plucky sidekick, a cowboy who knows about the haunted TV for some reason, to put a stop to them. The stakes are upped when the ugliest woman in the world is kidnapped by the James Dean zombie. The edge-of-your-seat drama described in the plot is matched only by the quality of the acting. Even better is the soundtrack- imagine an amalgamation of the musical styles of J.S. Bach, Philip Glass, and Guns 'n Roses. You'll be blown away by the surprise ending!