Change Your Image
Zalman King of Nothing
Ratings
Most Recently Rated
Reviews
The Neighbors (2014)
Abandon all hope all ye who stream this.
Ugly, monstrous, revolting, racist, execrable, incomprehensible, inept, incompetent, incomprehensible, incoherent, unwatchable. This show looks like '80s video porn without the sex. The audio sounds like nails on a blackboard. The actors apparently had to go slumming after California's condom law was passed. No one in this show goes unscathed. I never saw "The Room", but I knew going in "The Neighbors" was going to be bad. It is beyond bad. It is an abomination. It is a thing that should not be. This is NOT one of those inept things that is entertaining in spite of itself. It is the most unpleasant thing you will ever see. This cannot be overstated. Do not watch.
Bad Santa (2003)
This movie needed a hack director?
Boy, I really wanted to like this one. Every year Christmas gets shoved down your throat, and I was in the mood for a good skewering of the forced holiday cheer.
I can't quite put my finger on what's wrong, except maybe the directing wasn't crass enough. First, the upside. Billy Bob was dead-on, Tony Cox ruled, Lauren Graham was sweet and HOT and the script, though far from perfect, had plenty of low laughs. I think Zwigoff's approach might have been too refined for the material. This is one of those movies that looks more outrageous on paper than it does in execution. After all, the "plot" centered on his relationship with that loser kid and it was lame and unbelievable. You know, a Scrooge retread like John Hughes would have made in his heyday. Or maybe one of the Zucker brothers could have hit us over the head with the jokes. The kid lets him move in and no one on the block notices Billy Bob energetically shtupping the sexy bar maid in the hot tub? I'm not buying.
BTW, can we just end these movies where Billy Bob gets to nail hot chicks? As a horny guy watching for Halle Berry and Lauren Graham, I find his chest hair disturbing.
I'd give it a 7, but I was expecting an 8.5 to a 9. Maybe that's what I get for reading all the reviews.
Super Troopers (2001)
Think "Up in Smoke" crossed with Farrelly Bro.
This movie caught me unaware while I was flipping through cable channels, which is probably the best way to see it. A pleasant surprise.
Expectations were not high, but this movie really struck a nerve. Very laid-back and sweet natured. Like hanging out and goofing around with old college buddies.
It also helped that Farva looks and behaves just like a cousin of mine who is kind of a cop groupie.
P.S. More Brian Cox, please.
Do Not Disturb (1999)
Jeez
I'm in the middle of watching this turd on cable right now.
Despite all the good actors, all the performances are stiff as hell. William Hurt's performance is especially strange, with this bizarre southern drawl.
The feeble attempts at "humor" only serve to undermine any chance of generating suspense. Who the hell is supposed to scared of this half-wit hitman?
And the Marilyn Manson manque, oh wait, he's dead already. Good.
I'm going to sleep. Don't give a rat's ass how it ends (like I couldn't guess).
The Cell (2000)
THEY MEAN "THE SELL"
Bring me the head of Roger Ebert. And, Michael Roeper while you're at it.
This was another big, empty spectacle from a guy who use to make cool videos, but the last one was "Closer" and that was six years ago.
Ebert gushed about the script on his tv show, but it seems this is one more time when they forgot to write one. Jennifer Lopez fails to convince anyone she could work a cash register at McDonalds, never mind some hokey virtual reality machine. And Vince Vaughn's hair must have been done by Christopher Reeve's stylist from "Superman".
When Tarsem accepted his MTV VMA for REM (any more acronyms, anyone?), he said the creative process made him nauseous.
Me, too!
Dogma (1999)
Yeah, but...
Dogma has a lot to recommend it. Most of it is biting and hilarious, but it goes on way too long. The board room massacre could have been excised (for one example), and nobody would have missed it. And a lot of the dialogue, as entertaining as it was, consisted of people declaiming loudly to one another rather than have actual conversations. But Kevin has great big balls for even trying. But when he claims to have no personal style as a visual artist, well, that's just a cop-out. A little flair would have gone a long way. I think he might be apprehensive about distract from the writing. People watch movies, Kev, they usually don't read them. I read a review in the New York Press where the writer speculated that someone like Terry Gilliam should have directed your script. Now THAT would have kicked ass!
Fight Club (1999)
Kick Ass!
Those cowards at Fox really botched the trailers for this movie. You never would have guessed what a searing, angry film this actually is. This is the best movie I've seen since Three Kings, which was all of 10 days ago. Let me be the first to predict that Ed Norton will be egregiously overlooked at Oscar time. Fincher is brilliant. 5 times better than "Se7en". Or, should I say 7 times better than "Se7en"?
American Beauty (1999)
hype hype hype
Too much ink has been spilled about this movie already,so I'll make this short: 1.Kevin Spacey is worth the price of a ticket all by hisself 2.Annette Bening is impressive considering they FORGOT TO ACTUALLY WRITE A CHARACTER FOR HER. 3.Even though the acting is uniformly excellent, the movie as a whole is wildly, and I mean WILDLY, over-rated. We've all seen these fat, juicy targets skewered in far better movies for at least 30 years (The Graduate, The Swimmer, etc.) I didn't hate it: it had its moments. But the backflips critics are doing over it has me scratching my head
Three Kings (1999)
Is that an Infiniti convertible?
Before the first reel ended, I thought this movie was way over-hyped, but it got better and better as it went along. The rah-rah action stuff in the beginning is just a set-up for the character oriented stuff that debunks it later in the movie. And this IS a movie, not a film. Russell scores points on both political and humanitarian levels. The Americans are the good guys, but not necessarily nice guys. And American materialism has infected the rest of the world. When was the last time you saw an Iraqi (or ANY Arab character) depicted in one dimension or more. I really liked the scene where you feel sympathy for the torturer of a US soldier. I never thought I'd say this, but Marky Mark and Ice Cube turn in the best perfs. Definitely worth at least two viewings. Go.
Three Kings (1999)
Is that an Infiniti convertible?
Before the first reel ended, I thought this movie was way over-hyped, but it got better and better as it went along. The rah-rah action stuff in the beginning is just a set-up for the character oriented stuff that debunks it later in the movie. And this IS a movie, not a film. Russell scores points on both political and humanitarian levels. The Americans are the good guys, but not necessarily nice guys. And American materialism has infected the rest of the world. When was the last time you saw an Iraqi (or ANY Arab character) depicted in one dimension or more. I really liked the scene where you feel sympathy for the torturer of a US soldier. I never thought I'd say this, but Marky Mark and Ice Cube turn in the best perfs. Definitely worth at least two viewings. Go.
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension (1984)
once is not enough
The first time I saw Buckaroo Banzai, I had no freaking idea what the hell was going on, but i STILL liked it. The second time, I finally got the story and it was even better. Remember: "Yes on one, No on two"
The Singing Detective (1986)
Singing Detective Rocks!
PBS aired this waaaay back in 1986. It stands out not only as the best thing EVER shown on TV, it's way better than 99 and 44/100% of any movie you could care to name. It's so good you want to stop total strangers on the street and tell them to check it out!