Change Your Image
Poppa Byrd
Reviews
Are We There Yet? (2005)
Ice Cube's Best Line
So an off-duty pharmacist is at a Christmas party, and Ice Cube needs an inhaler refill for an asthmatic child...
"Yo, excuse me. Are you the pharmacist?" demands Ice Cube.
"Not at the moment, why?" asks the pharmacist.
The discourse continues, and Ice Cube becomes increasingly frustrated with the pharmacist's unwillingness to leave the party to fill the prescription.
Ice Cube contracts his muscles, furrows his eyebrows, grinds his teeth, and snarls,
"I'm ASKing you NICEly!!!"
Girls Gone Wild on Campus 2 (2003)
Not Sure Why I Have the Ability to Rate This on the IMDb
The commercials are more fun than the movies are: sensory overload, light-hearted steel drum music, and spongy black "censored" blobs flubbing in sync with bouncing boobs. And thongs, you still get thongs.
Unfortunately, the movies are actually kinda dull, especially when compared to the commercials. Many of the scenes are terribly drawn out (to get to that 45-minute mark) waiting for the girl to convince herself out of her reluctance to change shirts on camera. During that time, we don't even get to know the girl beyond her name and age. There is also no soundtrack other than the background din of the club scene, or two thirty-something a/v techs remarking on the hotness of their photo subject. Believe it or not, GGW has somehow made a teenage breast parade tiresome by the end.
Still a great concept though, and the creators deserve to be gazillionaires.
Plus, this girl I graduated high school with was in it, and that was an extra-special GGW moment for me. Lookin' good, Hillary!
Solo (1996)
If You Like Crap, Watch it TWICE!
Although the robot has "Terminator"-like vision, the filmmakers do not.
Mario Van Peebles is a robot. The robot escaped from the military facility that constructed it a la "Short Circuit". The robot booby-traps a village a la "Home Alone". The robot also wishes to look like Michael Jordan.
After 80 minutes, the robot learns a valuable lesson about the preciousness of human life which enables him to force monotone laughter through his mechanical voice box. (I gave it a five because it's THAT absurd)
These are not exaggerations.
This is what you're in for.
Maniac Cop 3: Badge of Silence (1992)
Disapproving Head-Shake.
Look, it's the third one, so you already know it's bad. And "Maniac Cop" wasn't good enough to warrant the second installment, so you know it's even worse. But how much worse? Awful, approaching God-awful.
When Maniac Cop goes on a killing spree, a reporter exclaims, "What happened here can ONLY be described as a black rainbow of death."
1-- Rainbows are not black, and can never be. 2-- Rainbows are harmless, and can never inflict pain or death. 3-- A news reporter, one valuable to his agency, might find another way to describe the aftermath of a killing spree. "A black rainbow of death" is not the ONLY way to describe the given situation.
This is what you're in for.
The Sex O'Clock News (1985)
You'll Probably Laugh at Least Once (if only once)
The box boasts, "Guaranteed to offend everyone!" I suppose it might have in 1984. It doesn't today, but watch it anyway.
That 4 out of 10 I rated it is heavily padded. The few clever sparks of comedy are obscured by the other 80 minutes, a shameless parade of stereotypical nonsense. Not much effort went into the film. Not even a spellcheck: the word "TESTACLE" blinks on the screen. So that's what you're getting into. A couple hearty laughs, a few chuckles, and the rest is a conventionally outrageous humdrum.
It's a hodgepodge of humorous vignettes which require little concentration on your part. So go for it. The baby alligator sketch is great.
The Simpsons (1989)
The Simpsons: The best show to hit TV.
"The Simpsons" are a family of misshapen yellow people that, oddly enough, are the most realistic characters on television. The countless cast of original characters were developed under amusing plot-lines centered in the all-encompassing town of Springfield. This clever writing and hilarious dialogue doesn't insult you with an accompanying laugh track, and upholds the popularity of the show with the largest cult fan base.
"The Simpsons" is the best television program ever. If you don't like it, there must be something wrong with you.
The Matrix (1999)
Excellent Adventure and Bogus Journey
Fun movie and great special effects, but not too much more. Each character dresses, looks, and acts in the same manner; mysteriously hidden behind their sleek sunglasses and black trenchcoats. The Matrix is over two hours of a Buddha-like Lawrence Fishburne frowning, and a surprisingly tolerable Keanu Reeves kept in a perpetual state of confusion. Also, many of the film's most exciting sequences were unfortunately drawn out. However, The Matrix redeems itself with graphic, yet interesting scenes and more developed ideas that are reminiscent of other science fiction films such as "Fire in the Sky" and "Terminator 2". The Matrix is easily deserving of a 7/10.