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B Murphy
Reviews
Ein Toter hing im Netz (1960)
This movie rocks
The HORRORS of being trapped with lovely women for days and days! One cannot imagine the terrible, horrible, mind-blowing pressure that must have been gnawing at Gary's very soul...oh, who am I kidding? Character depth is all three dimensional here, as in "I wish this movie had been filmed in 3D". Girls in ripped dresses, towels, bikinis, and floral panties, and is there a downside? Well, yes, there is the terror of bad dubbing, and the fear of back story being told in a painfully ungainly way. Thank God for MST, and it is a crime they are gone. I miss them.
Anyhoo, if ya get the chance, and can take the intense heat, check out this rockin' flick.
The Phantom Planet (1961)
Let's be (Tv's) Frank, this movie stinks.
Another wonderful MST episode. Completely loony dialogue, for starters. The speech that the co-pilot gives right after lift off is worth a hundred viewings. I say speech because you would never just sprout out a line like that in normal conversation.
Never.
Ever.
The story of a man's desire to return to his home is less than compelling, especially when he is surrounded by babes who are fighting over him. Finally, the old man who is "plagued by regret, when forced to destroy" is highly unconvincing. Mainly because he is almost laughing when he says that line. I hope the misguided souls who produced this "cinema" are repenting hourly. I pity their eternal souls.
The Leech Woman (1960)
Hoo boy
Is it even possible to find these movies unless they are on MST? This is yet another bad movie with bad acting, bad filming, and certainly a bad message. Women must be young to be attractive. It was fun to watch all the "Africans" and especially the smooth, seamless transitions from stock footage to the movie footage. However, this movie had too many bitter or jealous women to be truly entertaining. The lead male is such a bad actor (if you have seen this without MST, watch it with and see what they think) and his fate so non-shocking you will probably cheer as I did when he gets it. Kudos to booze, though. It was the best performance in this stinker. Stay far away, unless its on MST. Then stay less far away.
Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders (1996)
Warning: This product may produce unwanted side effects, such as headaches or nausea.
Not a good movie at all. Two separate stories with only the flimsy Merlin goofball to hold them together. The conclusion of the second half of the movie is based on some of the most astounding coincidences ever in a motion picture. You will want to punch the main guy from the first half repeatedly. There seems to be nothing holding the couple together, so...why are they together? Why would any woman want to have that man's child? Finally, the special effects are laughable for something from the 1990's...
Uchû Kaisokusen (1961)
The Greatest Movie Ever Conceived...was some other movie.
This movie, however, is possibly the worst. Never mind the plot, which for the most part is none of your business. Never mind the score, which will make you want to do that Russian squat dancing stuff, (especially if you have seen the MST version of this fine, high quality movie). Furthermore, never mind the fight scenes, special effects, and/or lack of continuity. Flock to this masterpiece because of the excellent dubbing. Thrill as a bunch of children stare at a rock, and one child says two different lines WITH TWO DIFFERENT VOICES. The dialogue is almost alien itself, it is so poorly done. That is, until the last third of the movie. Then there is no dialogue. Just a bunch of stock footage and phony looking junk flying around. The hero is also vague at best; Space Chief has all of five minutes of screen time and the other lead male shares a lot of time with the above mentioned children. Bottom line: watch on MST only.