Reviews

Bad Movie! Bad! Go stand in a discount bin. Carrot Top should really stick to low lit comedy clubs. It's movies like this that make old Jerry Lewis films look like Shakespeare and John Agar like John Barrymore. Coutney Thorne-Smith (a fine talent)is absolutely wasted. Her purpose seems mainly to look pretty and oblivious.

The only enjoyable things about the movie is seeing Raquel Welch doing an Alexis Carrington type role, and Estelle Harris as a harridan of a landlady. The only way I can imagine someone thinking it would be a good idea to make this (beyond sophomoric) film, is if the producers' fourth grade child was allowed to pick the script. Well, maybe his third grader. What this film really needs is to be rubbed in the noses of its creators.

Paul Gallico's novel, published in 1969, is not so much a disaster novel, as it is a grim character study of people caught up in a disaster. The book is gripping in it's savage brutality. The character's are stripped of all pretensions, and self delusions. They reveal more and more of their inner selves as they climbed further and further into the ship.

The 1972 film only hinted at this. The Hallmark TV film, only had conventional characters who reacted in conventional and unsurprising ways to the various challenges.

Now, Wolfgang Peterson has stripped the story of all humanity and created what amounts to a two hour film in which the audience watches a very large kinetic sculpture designed to destroy itself. The actors seem to be more like cogs and wheels in that sculpture than human beings. There is no character development and no plot.

Yes, the special effects are fantastic, especially as the wave strikes and capsizes the ship. The sets are stunning but sterile, and the action is absolutely nonstop. And THAT is all the film has going for it. Peterson seems to be catering to those with minds only developed enough to pay attention to movement and pretty lights, like a small baby watching a mobile hung over its crib.

Many of the actors are quite good. We know that because of their past bodies of work. Unfortunately, in this film they may as well have had animated wax figures playing their roles. True, the Irwin Allen film had a number of overblown and hammy performances, but those actors at least had something to bite into. A lobotomized Frances Farmer would have been able to handle these empty insignificant characters.

In interviews, Richard Dreyfuss commented that he did this film for money. I certainly understand that! He definitely didn't do it because it was a great part. He played a gay man, suicidal and depressed because his lover has left him. Unfortunately his being gay seemed rather gratuitous. Publicity for the film stated that he suddenly discovers he very much wants to live. This also seemed gratuitous.

Kurt Russell plays the role of a former NYC firefighter and mayor and seems to have fallen into the real life role of aging action hero making way for younger action hero.

Kevin Dylan plays a character named Lucky Larry, who seemed obviously patterned after computer game icon Leisure Suit Larry. His character would have been quite enjoyable had he not been so reprehensible.

As far as the rest of the cast went, you may as well have taken them like so many Barbie and Ken dolls, popped off their heads and interchanged them.

The costumes were pretty much what you might expect to see aboard ship on New Year's Eve, but nothing strikingly great. The only one that stood out was the singer (who I understand is a member of The Black-eyed Peas). It was so awful, I mistook her for a Charo impersonator. But at least it stood out.

One thing I must give the filmmakers an A+ on. The underwater shots of the ship were extraordinarily impressive. The attention to detail with all the debris and parts of the ship breaking away seemed very realistic. I do have a final question, however (and a nit-picky one at that). Do they no longer bolt down tables and other large furniture aboard luxury liners?

This is a delightfully charming movie, with a shining young star. Sofia Vassilieva is an extremely energetic young actress, who certainly has captured the spirit of Kay Thompson's, Eloise. She held her own with Julie Andrews, who is wonderful as her Nanny. Much like an older and more exhausted Maria Von Trapp. Christine Baranski proves to be delicious in what could have been a two dimensional character role. She makes Prunella a woman you love to hate. Seeing Corinne Conley as Mrs. Thornton was very enjoyable. I first became fascinated with her in Days of Our Lives and I have loved watching her since. The only flaw to the film is it's exhausting pace. Eloise flits from one thought or deed to the next with such alarming rapidity that I wanted to spike her eggnog with Prozac.

From Claude Raines to Jon Hall? Egad! Evan Gale Sondergaard's delicious brand of luxurious menace can't save this turgid piece of tedium. Scream Evelyn, Scream. There's nothing else for you to do, and besides it might keep the audience awake. John Carradine and Gale Sondergaard were badly wasted in this yawner.

This amazing crapfest came a few years too late to be riding on the coattails of Cameron's Titanic. Which makes one wonder why was it even made. The thin as air plot is based on rumours surrounding the sinking of the ship in 1915, that hold extremely little weight. For the most part the acting is adequate with a special nod to Jacqueline Bisset (she really must have needed the money). Aside from the hysterically unbelievable plot and third rate writing, the worst element of this "flick" was the special effects. Predictable scenes of flooding compartments and passageways, the obligatory swim under water and our heroes being trapped behind locked gates are merely a journey of yawns, compared to the annoying and obvious computer-created graphics of the ship and it's watery demise. I've seen PC games with better and more detailed ships.

I found this film delightful. It is frantic and fun but somewhat uneven in it's pacing. Vittorio Gassman is quite good as the poor schmuck who unknowingly gives away a fortunate hidden in one of thirteen chairs, and Sharon Tate is delicious in her role as the antique dealer. Had she lived, she may well have made it as a light comedian. It was quite surprising to see Orson Welles in this light comedy. His performance is more understated than the other two stars, but still quite good.

If the first movie wasn't bad enough, the sequel only confirms that we are living in the declining years of a decadent society with a blinded sense of esthetics, an amoral soul and the intelligence of club moss. YES, I know this movie is parody, but parody can be funny, witty, and sophisticated without resorting to crass vulgarity and filth for its own sake. This film only proves that Hollywood continues to cater to the lowest common (very common!) denominator (or is it that Hollywood continues to define the lowest common denominator?) and that the vast majority of movie going audiences have the brains of a degenerate ferret. I am no prude. Vulgarity and shock value have their place. They should be the spices and seasonings on the entree, not the entree itself. This piece of work is a hollow mockery of what real parody should be and only moves us that much closer to the total collapse of social responsibility.

It may not be the best of movies. It may not even be a good movie, but Adventures In Babysitting is one of the most delightful comedies of the '80's. Obviously designed for the youth market, it is appealing for all ages. You don't have to think about this piece of mind candy, just sit back and enjoy it. Maia Brewton is precociously charming and Elizabeth Shue gives a fine and credible performance. Penelope Ann Miller is hysterical as the stranded and woe-begone Brenda. The plot, though contrived, leads you from one belly laugh to the next. The ad-libbed blues song is a highlight, as well as Brenda's efforts to help a baby "kitten".

This film is one of those you must see to believe. It has good special effects, bad acting and a number of great actors struggling to maintain their professional integrity in an embarrassing film. Helen Reddy as a singing nun,and Karen Black as the stewardess, are delightfully funny, especially when they are trying to be serious. Poor Gloria Swanson. She must have desperately needed money. Overall it is a good comedy, but not one of the best of the bad. Good way to blow off a slow Sunday afternoon.

Five Desperate Women is a film of laughable plot and performances. Not as funny bad as Plan Nine From Outer Space, but it will make you laugh. Anjanette Comer as Lucy steals the show! Worth a few giggles, as long as you don't take the film as seriously as the cast and crew do.

Not only is Christopher Durang's delicious comedy totally ruined on film, the sound quality in many scenes is so bad, it is a painful strain on the ears of the viewers. Often Julie Hagerty's soft voice is completely drowned out by traffic and other background noises. Somebody, please remake this one!

This is one of the best in the Sherlock Holmes series of films. It has a strong pace and perhaps the best film villain to ever grace the silver screen. Gale Sondergaard is exceptional as the cunning and deadly spider woman.