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Michael Caine is the definitely the hardest working Oscar-winner in show business
21 January 2003
I saw this movie because of my children, and even though I never liked the Muppets (too loud), I had tears in my eyes because of Michael Caine's dignified performance. I was expecting this film to be awful, and I was very moved during the dramatic scenes because Caine's performance was so subtle. He could have phoned in his performance, or played it for laughs (like Tim Curry in Muppet Treasure Island). Instead, he played Ebenezer Scrooge as though this were a production for Masterpiece Theatre, and he was excellent. I admire him even more as an actor now, because he showed respect for himself as an artist and respect for his material (a Muppet movie!) He made the Muppets look good!

This film also has a very nice look to it; good production values. Too bad roast pork wasn't on the menu for Christmas dinner, though. I suppose Caine is too generous an actor to put that Miss Piggy where she belongs.
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3/10
No crabs were harmed in the filming of this movie!
14 October 2002
Warning: Spoilers
Well, I had the pleasure of catching the last hour of this one on the late-night cable at the airport hotel. I sort of enjoyed it, but then, it had no competition and I wasn't ready to fall asleep yet. While playing spin-the-dial, I found a natty James Woods emotionally torturing a comatose Sharon Stone, and I thought "Well, at least there'll be something interesting to watch until that wedding party finishes up downstairs".

I won't say I enjoyed it completely, but these were probably the best circumstances under which to watch it. Also, I missed the first hour, so part of my brain was able to work at reconstructing the plot while I watched the eye-candy. I agree with the reviewer who said that it looked terrific; Miami was beautiful and the colors were sparkling clear.

What I enjoyed-- (**POSSIBLE SPOILERS, BUT DOES IT REALLY MATTER?**)

James Woods, of course. I only managed to see Eric Roberts for about five minutes before he had that fatal cup of coffee, but I liked him in their "final confrontation" scene. Then, when James lost it on the phone with Sly, I think he earned his paycheck in ten minutes of screen time. Too bad about that innocent phone...

The sex-in-the-shower scene. Sly looked (and acted) like a Classical Greek sculpture. I don't even remember what Sharon Stone looked like naked, but then, to be fair, she was covered up a lot of the time. I do remember that Sly had better breasts. Not surprising that he has a porn background. One question: does the shower drain leave a permanent mark?

Finally, I loved the small touches of humor, and there were a few. I especially enjoyed the scene when Sly blew the Crab Shack and it began raining live crustaceans. You just don't see that often enough in today's films...

So, two out of ten, with an extra point for being there when I needed it.
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The Fairly OddParents (2001–2017)
Mutated offspring of "Rocky and Bullwinkle", and I mean that as a compliment.
17 June 2002
My 10-year-old got me to watch this show the other day, because I couldn't get up fast enough to turn off the TV after her weekly ration of SpongeBob Squarepants. Now I'm hooked!

First, the negatives. Some of the voice work is irritating, which put me off the show in the first place (sorry, voice of Wanda). The style of animation is definitely from the Angry Beavers school of design, requiring a leap of faith for those of us parents whose cartoon aesthetic was formed in Nick's lovely Nelvana universe. However, once I got used to that, I really appreciated the visual humor, especially Cosmo and Wanda's transformations (very clever!).

The writing is hilarious! This show reminds me of the old Rocky and Bullwinkle series, hopped up on cheap caffeine and the kind of designer drug that causes pop culture references to flash before your eyes.

In four episodes, I've seen visual references to "The Matrix", "Back to the Future", "Tank Girl", "It's a Wonderful Life", "Seinfeld", and probably some I've missed. The writing also works on several levels, with humor that adults can appreciate (but wouldn't consider inappropriate if their children managed to get the joke, too).

When I was a child, I watched the "George of the Jungle" cartoon when it premiered (yes, I'm a middle-aged person). I was surprised the next Saturday, when my cartoon-hating father asked me "So, is it about time for that George of the Jungle show? You wouldn't want to miss it, would you?" Now, I understand...
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When a man does it, it's a cinematic masterpiece ; when a woman does, it, who cares?
6 April 2002
I saw this film before I had a family, and I liked it well enough. Now that I have a husband and children, I see that this movie is the "Gentleman's Agreement" of divorce. ; ie., we're supposed to think that the slings and arrows he suffers are somehow worse because they're happening to someone who isn't even a mother! (Like in Gentleman's Agreement, we're supposed to think that the discrimination Gregory Peck suffers is somehow worse, because he isn't even Jewish! Oy!!)

Poor Dustin has his icy wife walk out on him, and he gets left with the kid. Poor guy, he actually has to become a parent for a change, and of course his work suffers. Somehow, he copes, and we're supposed to believe that this makes him a really exceptional man. Of course he deserves custody more than the selfish wife who left (for very good reason, if I remember correctly. ).

The irony is that somehow, Dustin is a special kind of person because this isn't supposed to happen to men (only women). At least he doesn't have to move out of his apartment into cheaper digs because he relied on his wife's income to maintain their standard of living.

P.S. Dustin, you don't pick up your kid and run with them to the E.R. with their head dangling from your arms. I guess that's supposed to show just what a good, concerned parent you are, but moving the kid like that could have cost him the use of his eye.

P.P.S. Meryl, you were entitled to take more than just the money you brought to the marriage, dearie.

P.P.P.S. No, I'm not a bitter divorced mother, or planning to become one, and my husband could parent rings around Dustin's character.
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The Omega Man (1971)
It takes a generous movie star to share the screen with then-newcomer Anthony Zerbe
31 July 2001
Warning: Spoilers
I saw this film as a teenager, when it was a first-run feature in 1971. In this context, I didn't find it dated at all, and I thought Charlton Heston was a tragic hero, Jesus Christ with pectorals. I saw the film 25 years later, on television. It held up about as well as Mr. Heston's pectorals, which is to say that it's imperfect, but still has more substance than some other pectorals from that time.

**possible spoilers** The Christ imagery is hard to miss by the final frame, but the film also used the images of communion and transubstantiation as Heston's blood becomes a symbol of hope for the future. The sharing of blood as salvation--a very powerful image much loved in science fiction. (It was only years later that I noticed the crypto-racism of the last great white man on earth saving the blacks, children, and hippies by giving the gift of his pure Christian blood.)

As much as I had a crush on Heston from Planet of the Apes, I think Anthony Zerbe really walked away with this film. Charlton had the chiselled looks, the noble grimace, and the powerful hardware, but it was the unprepossessing Zerbe that elevated this film to something special. He was charismatic and intense as Mathias, Heston's nemesis; in spite of his embarassing makeup and sunglasses, he was a pure force of power, a complex mutant with traces of his humanity still intact. A brief scene of Zerbe, pre-plague, gives the audience a hint of the transformation his character has undergone by the time he becomes the leader of the mutants.

**spoilers** I could believe in a relationship between Mathias and Neville more convincingly than I could between Heston and Rosalind Cash, probably because Zerbe was more passionate. Years later, I forgot the shoot-em-ups and flaming bodies, but I remembered Mathias bidding a rueful goodbye to his nemesis after the final battle. I think this film really launched Zerbe's career, at least in television.

Of course the racism, sexism, and dumb-headedness are still there. Eg. Rosalind Cash's ready availability--was she really that horny? I guess she was just waiting for a real man to come along. Oh well, enough about this stuff; it's how this action movie got made in 1971.

Besides Zerbe, the thing I remember most about this film is a small touch at the beginning. The last normal man on earth risks his life to go to the downtown movie theater, where he sits alone in the dark to watch a film. What does Neville choose? Woodstock! Even this early in the film, we know that Heston's character is anything but an old hippie. So why Woodstock? As Heston sits alone in the deserted theater, we feel his existential loneliness as he absorbs the images of happy, attractive young people spontaneously enjoying the legendary "tribal" gathering. A great scene that almost redeems the rest of the film.
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8/10
This comic horror (or horrific comedy) really made my stomach turn even as I brushed up my Shakespeare.
13 August 2000
This movie is hilarious but disturbing. I found it in the local video store while searching for a copy of Kind Hearts and Coronets, and I'm afraid that at first, it suffered from invidious comparison. There are several graphic and prolonged death scenes that I really found repelling. Not only were they very ugly and presumably realistic, but the characters that were killed had become very dear to the audience, that is, me. Each of the ten victims is played by a veteran British or Australian character actor, each one a master at engaging the audience in a short amount of film time.

This said, I thoroughly enjoyed the writing, and the references to Shakespeare actually had me combing through our collected works at 12:30 a.m. Diana Rigg is perfect as Edwina--she's a Shakespeare pro, but perfectly captures several feminine ideals of the late sixties. Her appearance in mini and white platform boots is a shining example of mod glory, circa 1970.

I appreciated this film more when I remember that it was probably made as cheap horror film with added wit, rather than a clever comedy that went over the top with graphic violence. I believe my stomach actually turned at a few of the murders, even though I laughed out loud soon after.

Coral Browne was particularly funny, and there were definite sparks between her and Vincent Price in the beauty shop scene. (I remember reading about their real-life romance with glee, since they were both over 60 at the time.) I wish her scenes could have lasted longer.

I loved the wit, and thoroughly enjoyed seeing Vincent and Diana acting out snippets of scenes from some of the great plays. I also enjoyed the writer's skill at contemporary comedy and sly wordplay. Each character, played by a talented veteran, makes an indelible impression in their too-brief "hour upon the stage" before they depart and are seen no more. This film needed a curtain call at the end, just as in Shakespeare's time, so we could see the company of players one last time. I suppose the producers wouldn't go for it.

Although I enjoyed this movie, I couldn't bring myself to sit through the film a second time, even for the performances and dialogue. I just couldn't bear to watch all those death throes again.
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