Reviews

"Santa With Muscles" is an absolutely appalling film. It stars WCW wrestler Hulk Hogan who after getting amnesia thinks he is Santa Claus (like a grown man actually believes in Santa whether he has amnesia or not). He then goes onto beating the bad guys in typically corny Hulk Hogan fashion. I give it a 1/10 and that is being generous.

King Rollo was a cartoon produced by the BBC in the 80's. It had very odd animation and colourful characters. I have seen it recently on Nickleodeon and it has not lost any of its greatness. I think it is about time King Rollo was resurrected. I give the whole series a 10/10.

Gladiator is an absolutely fantastic movie. The special effects and sets are some of the best ever seen on film. The acting is excellent too. The movie lasts for two and a half hours, but when you're watching it you never think about the time, which is a sign that a movie is good.

Disney's Fantasia is a true classic. The film combines classical music with excellent Disney animation. The film is most recognizable for its "Sorcerer's Apprentice" scene featuring Disney icon, Mickey Mouse. This film can be enjoyed by everybody. I give FANTASIA a 10/10.

I just watched this movie last week on The Disney Channel, and could not help but feel that this was a lost opportunity for Disney. When I sat down to watch it I expected the same type of straight-to-video animation that they used in Aladdin II: Return Of Jafar, but I was wrong. The animation was almost as good as the original. I believe Disney could have made a lot more money from this if they had given it a theatrical release.

This was a very interesting documentary, which allows you to see what backstage at a WWF event is really like. However I think the film made Vince McMahon look like the bad guy. McMahon has explained several times that he did what he did in November 1997 for the sake of his company, and call me gullible, but I believe him. The film also shows wrestlers "rehearsing" their matches. If your a true wrestling fan, you will like this.

The Blair Witch Project was a fantastic horror movie which proved that you don't need special effects. The story (in case anyone doesnt know) is about three student filmmakers getting lost in the woods with a video camera. The film we see is the supposed real life footage shot by the filmmakers before they disappeared. The movie has a very interesting back story which is discussed at the start (pay special attention to the one local who discusses child murderer, Rustin Parr, then you will understand the ending better). All in all The Blair Witch Project is excellent, and I am looking forward to the sequel. 10/10.

I thought that this movie was quite funny. However some of the jokes are stretched out too far. The story sees Kevin and Perry (from the Harry Enfield and Chums sketch show) go to Ibiza with Kevins parents. I would recommend this film only if you are a fan of the Harry Enfield show, or you like gross humour. I give KEVIN AND PERRY GO LARGE a 7/10.

Batman Returns is a very good follow up to the 1989 original. The story sees The Penguin team up with crooked business man, Max Schrek who is determined to make The Penguin the mayor of Gotham City. Early in the movie, Schrek throws his secretary from the top of a huge building. She then gets bitten by a lot of cats and she becomes Catwoman. Batman senses there is something crooked about The Penguin (who by this time has convinced Gotham that he is a good guy) and sets out to stop him and Schrek. Catwoman also wants to stop them, but only for revenge for what Schrek did to her earlier in the movie. All in all, this is an excellent movie. The acting is good, the sets are excellent and the story is very interesting. I give Batman Returns a 9/10.

European Vacation is the best of all the "Vacation" movies. The story sees The Griswold family win a trip to Europe on a gameshow. I thought the stereotypes of people in the different European countries were very good. My favourite part of the film is (naturally) the part when they come to England and the son of the family claims that we only have 4 TV channels (We have 200). I also liked Vacation, Christmas Vacation and Vegas Vacation, but this one is definetly the best. 10/10.

SOUTH PARK: BIGGER, LONGER AND UNCUT is without a doubt one of the greatest comedy films ever made and definetely the best of the 90's. The jokes are even funnier than in the TV series, but the unique animation remains the same (except in the Kenny/Hell scenes). The story sees Cartman, Kyle, Stan and Kenny sneak into a cinema to see the R rated "Asses Of Fire" starring their heroes Terrance and Phillip. After they have seen the film they start swearing (a lot) and making crude references (a lot). Their parents see this and decide that Canada is to blame for their childrens behavior, so they declare war on Canada. The Americans then Kidnap Terrance and Phillip. Cartman, Stan and Kyle then decide to try and rescue them.

The whole movie is excellent but, here are my highlights. 1. Cartmans new version of Kyle's moms a bitch. 2. Kenny's death. 3. The end where Kenny finally reveals his face.

I give SOUTH PARK a 10/10.

PSYCHO is a good remake of the 1960 original. The reason people don't like it so much is because they compare it to the original. If the original had not been made, then there would not have been so much criticism of this one. Don't get me wrong, I do think the original is better than this, but not much better. Also, I would like to see a remake of Psycho II with the actors from this version. I give PSYCHO a 8/10.

Moonwalker is a completely crap film. It does not seem to know what it wants to be. It is part concert footage, part music video and part movie (the drug story line). I had the unfortunate experience of wasting two hours of my life in a cinema in 1988 watching this garbage. I saw it again on TV a few years later, it was still boring and incredibly tedious. Also, Michael Jackson couldn't act to save his life. Another point, there was never any attempt to explain how he turned himself into a robot / spaceship at the end. I give Moonwalker 2/10.

STAR WARS EPISODE V - THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK is an excellent sequel to the original movie. It is a lot darker than the first Star Wars movie. The story sees Luke Skywalker train to become a Jedi Knight. Also in this episode, Skywalker finds out that Darth Vader is his Dad. I give The Empire Strikes Back a 10/10.

Halloween is the best horror film ever made. The other Halloween movies are excellent too, but this one is the best. The reason it is so good is that it does not rely too heavily on blood and guts, it just lets you use your imagination. The story is quite basic (maniac stalking a bunch of teenagers) but it is also full of suspense. I give Halloween 10/10.

I used to actually HATE WCW wrestling. I have been a massive WWF fan for nine years and although I think the WWF is much better than this, I have to admit that WCW has been getting more watchable as of late. Now, dont get me wrong, I like the WWF a hundred times more than I like this. I think since WCW fired Eric Bischoff and signed two former WWF story line writers this show may actually become a threat to the WWF ratings, however IF that does happen, it wont be for a long time yet. My recommendation is watch WWF RAW IS WAR!

SUPERMAN IV - THE QUEST FOR PEACE is a good addition to the Superman franchise. The story sees Lex Luthor steal a strand of Superman's hair, and sends it into the sun on a nuclear missile. This creates Nuclear Man, someone who has all of Superman's powers but he is evil. The acting is, just like in the other three good. I also liked the story. I don't know why so many people hated this. I give SUPERMAN IV a 10/10.

SUPERMAN III is a very good movie. Many people don't like this movie because it is a comedy. Personally, I think that the comedy works and is well suited to the film. The acting is again good and the story is original. I give SUPERMAN III a 8/10.

SUPERMAN II is a brilliant movie. The story sees the the three Kryptonian villains who were jailed by Superman's Dad, Jor-El in the original, escape the cell they were being kept in. They come to Earth and try to extract revenge on Superman. The acting is excellent and the story is brilliant too. I give SUPERMAN II a 9/10.

I just watched this movie for the about the thousandth time this morning, and after all of these years it remains one of the best movies ever made. The acting is excellent and the story is good too, although it does start off pretty slow. The special effects have slightly dated, but that is only because we are too used to seeing computer-generated effects these days. I give SUPERMAN THE MOVIE 8/10.

The Godfather is a pointless, noisy, mindless, violent excuse for a film. It just seems to be an excuse to use the 'f' word for three hours. The acting is terrible and there is no story to be seen whatsoever. It seems to have been written by a three year old child. I give this film a 1/10 and that is being generous.

I had the unfortunate "pleasure" to see this film when it first came out in the 1940's. I left three times to be sick. It was one of the worst movies I have ever seen in all of my natural. The acting is sub-standard and the sets were really badly constructed. If you want to watch a good film, watch Hulk Hogan's Mr. Nanny and not this load of tripe.

Star Wars Episode IV - A New Hope, is an excellent film. In fact it is probably one of the best films ever made. This film is the fourth of six movies (two of which have not yet been released), and it tells the story of Luke Skywalker who wants to become a Jedi Knight just like his dad, who he does not yet know is the evil Sith apprentice Darth Vader. The acting is excellent, the story is great and the special effects (especially in the special edition) are the best you will see. 10/10.

Friday The 13th is an insult to horror fans. Did the producers of this film actually think we were stupid enough not to even notice that this cheap garbage is a total copy of the greatest horror movie ever, HALLOWEEN? The only original thing about this film is the twist at the end. The rest of the Friday The 13th movies were just as bad, and next year sees the tenth film. Also, Halloween's Michael Myers is a much better horror character than that cheap rip-off Jason Voorhees.

The Fifth Element was an absolutely appalling film. The special effects were good, but the rest was awful. The story was bland and pathetic. It also lasted way too long. Also, was there really any need for that stupid man with the squeaky voice? If I had not paid to see it, I wouldn't have even watched it to the halfway point. About six months later I paid to see it again on pay per view, to see if it was better second time around. That time I did NOT make it to the half way point.