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Reviews
The In-Laws (2003)
Fast paced and funny
The In-Laws is an fast paced, funny movie that brings together an over the top secret agent and a bored with life foot doctor whose only link is their children who are about to be married. The film is entertaining and the cast work well together.
Solaris (2002)
A great substitute for sleeping pills
To say this film is slow and boring would not be accurate. Garden slugs moving across a sidewalk are slow and boring. "Solaris" is far worse.
Some of the shots in space looked as if the director was trying to revive thoughts of '2001 A Space Odyssey'. In fact, I started to think about '2001'. I started to think about getting a hair cut. I started to think it was time to sharpen the blades on my lawn mower. Because the movie was so slow that it left me plenty of time to let my mind wander to other things.
In the movie, you wake up to find strange goings on. Whilst watching this movie, you wake up and pray it is over.
Daybreak (2000)
A very funny movie (too bad it is not supposed to be)
I am certain Roy Scheider must have sacked his agent after this movie. In fact, this movie was such a disgrace to that any respectable agent would have left the industry to become a use car salesperson. Here is an actor nominated for two Academy Awards, reduced to lines like, `Be careful down there!'
But there are so many people to blame for this abomination that it seems an impossible task to find any one person to blame. Geri Barger claims `writing credits.' I assume this is taking credit for the order in which every cliché in the history of disaster films is placed. There was certainly no original dialogue in this movie. In fact, nothing in this movie was original.
As in any movie where a group of people are stranded, there is the loudmouth who wants to pick a fight. The inevitable bimbo girlfriend of the loudmouth because they always seem to get a girl. The woman who has had problems with men and the man who is in charge but has something haunting him from the past. And, let's not forget a genius geek teen that naturally has all of the answers that save the day.
But so much of this movie is so implausible and so poorly acted that it left me with tears of laughter.
Double Jeopardy (1996)
Strong acting helps the slow plot and poor camera work
My cable company described this as the theatrical "Double Jeopardy" which I had not seen. After about 20 minutes, I suspected this was the wrong "Double Jeopardy" and felt a bit cheated. But, the story held my interest and the performance of the actors overcame the low budget cinematography.
For a 'made for television' movie, it was better than most but would not have done well on the big screen. Still, well worth taking a look at if the opportunity arises.
15 Minutes (2001)
A salad bowl of cliches
The best way to describe `15 Minutes' is as a movie cliché salad. In the first fifteen minutes, as Jordy Warsaw (Edward Burns (I))'s car breaks down, he runs through Central Park at night. Right away, you think `Central Park at night means mugging' and sure enough, a convenient African American mugger pops up.
Then there we are thrown into the turf war between homicide and arson investigators. Naturally there is a supervising officer who screams a lot. And someone gets suspended. (Someone always gets suspended in cop movies even though this isn't quite a cop movie.) Then we have the `Broadcast News' angle. Yes, not only are we subject to `good cop/bad cop', we have to sit through good reporter (who conveniently turns out to be Eddie Fleming (Robert De Niro)'s girl friend) and bad reporter Robert Hawkins (Kelsey Grammer). Grammer's character is a tabloid television journalist who makes Geraldo look like someone with ethics.
Though this movie spends too much time trying to be something for everyone, and in spite of the fact that we never really attach to or believe in any of the people in this movie, it is by far not the worst movie your could watch. There are some entertaining scenes mixed in with the ridiculous and silly ones. Just don't rent this one with high expectations.
One of the more interesting parts of the movie is actually the in bonus stuff on the DVD version. There is a fifteen-minute segment on tabloid television.
Rush Hour 2 (2001)
I would have preferred rush hour traffic to this film
My Momma once told me that if I could not say something nice about someone, don't say anything at all. That means that the section containing comments about Chris Tucker would be void of words.
But, I never listened to Momma. In the first "Rush Hour" Tucker's loud, obnoxious, bigoted, (did I mention loud?) character gets by because there is enough of a story line to carry the movie. It seems that Director Brett Ratner thought this was what people wanted more of, and so they let Tucker be louder and more obnoxious and more bigoted and he stuck out like a turd on a birthday cake. There were times you wanted the bad guys to win, just to be rid of him in the movie.
Chris Tucker is not Eddie Murphy. He never will be and should stop trying to be.
Jackie Chan is the only redeeming quality in this movie. The has an innocent way of letting the humor of his character flow out with a subtlety and likeability. Unlike Tucker who is like a comedian who tells a joke and then explains the punch line because he assumes the audience is to stupid to understand his joke.
The movie has some entertaining moments, but they are few and far between. Let's just hope the rushes for "Rush Hour 3" get stuck in traffic.
Das Boot (1981)
One of the best war movies made
There are a number of things that make Das Boot a great movie. But perhaps the best way to explain why it is so good is to mention some of the things that you won't find in this movie.
There are no unrealistic special effects; there is no secret agenda, no hidden plot, and no saboteur. When battle damage sends them to the bottom of the sea, they talk about running out of air, but we are not told there is six hours of air and they return to the surface at 5:59:59, a second before they would all die.
Also, there is no attempt to mix a war film up with a love film, nor are we confronted with giant squid. But we do get a chance to be part of the lives of these men as they leave, young and innocent and get on each other's nerves and live in fear and deal with being at war.
Another refreshing part of Das Boot is that we do not really get hung up on taking sides. The audience is not asked to be patriotic. The Captain is not. He dislikes Hitler and does not always hold his tongue about his feelings. But he does accept that he has a job to do, even if he does not enjoy doing it.
In fact, if you are view the English dubbed version of this film, you may forget that the crew is German. You want them too survive because they are people. And that all soldiers are `people' is the point this movie subtlety brings home.
Having seen both the sub-titled version and the dubbed version, I definitely suggest going for the sub-titles. I found the actors that did the voice-over for the dubbing tried add their own interpretations to the story with voices that did not seem to match the dialogue.
Serendipity (2001)
A fun movie
On a recent flight from London to Nairobi, I asked the flight attendant to suggest a movie from the list available. She suggested "Serendipity" and qualified her suggestion by telling me that Kate Beckinsale played the leading role. Seeing the look of unrecognition on my face, she reminded me that Kate also starred in "Pearl Harbor". "Yuck!" I thought. But it was a long flight and she assured me it was a good choice.
Well, Kate was great in "Serendipity", as was John Cusack. You felt a chemistry between them from the moment they meet in a department store and fight over the same glove. And they built that bond to the point that your are happy for them every time you think they will re-unite.
This film flows well and has a good balance of comedy and tension to keep you entertained from the opening credits to the fade to black.
Turbulence (1997)
Let them crash!
I am not sure who is dumber, Robert Butler for directing such a pile of dog droppings or me for having purchased the DVD. I guess I should have wondered why the price was so good.
It is difficult to decide which is the most annoying part of this film. On one hand, you have things happening on an airplane that are so unbelievable that you can only laugh. Closing the hole in the plane with a briefcase. Decorating the plane with stuff that you probably could not have gotten on a plane, even in 1997. Having only five regular passengers on a 747 to LA on Christmas Eve (one of the highest flight times), or having only four marshals to escort two of the most dangerous criminals going. The list goes on.
Then there is a poor plot line with poor development of characters. And then there stupidity of Flight Attendant Teri leaving the cockpit in the face of a major storm to check on her friend.
All in all, the whole thing was so unbelievable that it should have been doused with petrol and set ablaze. Even science fiction, when done correctly, has a shred of believability.
Ghosts of Mars (2001)
How many bad movies about Mars can be made?
The answer is, as many as people keep going to see, I guess. But I cannot imagine one being made that is as bad as "Ghosts of Mars".
Someday, there will be a science fiction movie about life on Mars where Mars will be a nice place. Nobody dies, nobody gets eaten or possessed.
The plot of this film is simple, a scientist accidently lets out a lot of mean ghosts from the ancient residents of Mars. And they are not happy and want to kill everyone in sight through bodies they take possession of. Why are these ghosts so angry?
Perhaps because they have read the script, seen to poor quality of acting, the horrible special effects or worst of all, been forced to sit through the movie.
I saw a movie a few weeks back where a video store is obliterated at the end. This should be the fate of any video store that rents out "Ghosts of Mars".
Series 7: The Contenders (2001)
If you have a warped sense of humour, you'll love this film
The nice woman at the video store said, "Oh, you like police movies. This one is sort of like a serial killer film." So I sat down with my bowl of popcorn, ready for a typical "Captain, I am almost there. Don't take me off this case." movie where the female detective is stalked by the stupid killer because inside he wants to be caught an punished.
Wrong!
This is a well done spoof on the Survivor shows and Big Brothers. With one exception, they actually kill each other.
As grim as that may sound, it is artfully done with a lot of great moments. Filmed like it was a reality television show, there are shaky camera movements and the impression of unrehearsed dialog. There is no police action drama here. The only car chase is a brief clip that sort of reminded you of OJ.
The movie is fun and the people seem real.
Someone Like You... (2001)
Almost as painful as passing a kidney stone
When I think back on Christmas 2001, I will remember it as the day I almost stuffed the turkey with dog food, passed a kidney stone and rented "Someone Like You". I still wonder which worse.
You know a movie is in trouble when the opening scene is about the sex lives of cattle. And as hard as it is to believe, this film goes down-hill from there.
But what was worse than humping cattle was the Director's assumption that, because we are stupid enough to have paid money to see this movie, we won't understand it so he introduces "cue cards" before each scene to tell us what is going to happen. You know, "Boy meets girl" and a few seconds later... Jane and Ray meet.
However, on reflection, as you really never sense a bonding between any of the people in this flick, perhaps it was wise that they told us there was supposed to be romance between Jane and Ray.
The movie was cliche and predictable and evoked as much emotion as mowing the lawn.
Pearl Harbor (2001)
A movie that will "Live in Infamy"
In all honesty, I am sure that this film might have been better on the big screen. But I was greatly disappointed in the special effects of that actual attack. I also felt the film was poorly edited with people and brief scenes that meant nothing to the total film tossed in as filler. A movie this long did not need filler.
I also wonder why Hollywood has this need to take tragic events and turn them into love stories. If it we my decisions, war movies would focus on the war. Yes, there can be love and compassion, but a movie about Pearl Harbor should spend more time on the events, tragedies and heroism of Pearl Harbor, not about a love triangle. "Saving Private Ryan" is an outstanding example of showing the emotions of war and evoking feelings whilst telling a war story.
Or, make the movie about a love triangle and find some minor battle to get in the way of the friendships without being the main event. Then you have time to develop a relationship between the characters and allow the audience to feel something with them and for them.
This movie was ala "Titanic", in the attempt to mix love and tragedy, but "Titanic" was even better able to succeed at mixing the two than "Pearl".
Town & Country (2001)
A movie not worth trying to figure out
I am not sure where this film got its name. Yes, everyone spends time in the town and time in the country. You know this because of the panoramic shots of Manhattan when they are in the town and the tilting weather vane shots at the country which actually looks like Long Island which to me is not the country.
One of the many things I did not get in the movie was how a fairly good cast could all have taken part in such a horrible movie? The people in the film never really develop into people we care about. One of Manhattan's famous alligators could have eaten them all whole and (other than being the only hint of action in this movie) nobody would have cared.
Everyone in the film is having relations with someone they are not married to, yet the son (who is on his 9th girfriend this year) is torn apart to find his father (who has separated from his mother) frolicking with another woman. Puh-leeeeze!
If you have the misfortune to buy this movie on DVD, remember there is a positive side. DVD's make great coasters for mugs of coffee. Sadly, I rented it and have to take the disk back.
Cleopatra (1999)
ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
I think the biggest disappointment in this film was that, right until the end, I expected the acting instructors of the cast to break in and apologize for how poor the acting was. When you consider the powerful subject, the brilliant scenery and the effort made in creating a wonderful set and spectacular images, it is a shame that little attention was given to acting.