Reviews

Like most made for tv movies, this potentially moving film about the plight of a very brave disabled little girl is hi-jacked by a script that always sticks to the obvious, dialogue which is painful in its banality and a patronising, simplistic attitude to the issues that it raises. If this film got advice from doctors specialising in this condition behind the scenes it certainly doesn't show, she might as well be Dustin Hoffman from Rain Man for all the film tells us about her. Also for my money the narrator who is assigned in the film to "voice" her thoughts is an extremely insulting touch, how on earth can she think up more wisecracks than Mikey from "Look Who's Talking" when we already know she has the maturity of a 2 year old?! I could go on about the sexist undercurrent running through the film which paints every man as a child-beating loser or an uneducated dope, not to mention the pathetic ending which cheats by giving us hope only to throw it back in our faces, but I think I've made my point. Fact is, TV movies aren't exactly an art form and if you're looking for authenticity and the truth about sufferers of this terrible genetic disease and the effect that it has on the people around them, you'd be much better off down the library doing research then subjecting yourself to the tabloid treatment that this film reduces it to.

Despite its massive box office loss, this is actually quite a fun little film. Sure, it could possibly be lambasted for being a vanity project from its director (after all, he did let his then wife of the time take the leading role and let the film go massively over-budget) but the action sequences are exciting and plentiful, the sword fights are well-directed and choreographed and the whole cast seems to be having a whale of a time and it has to be said their enthusiasm is catchy. Unfortunately nowadays, kids these days don't seem to have the patience for a good old-fashioned swashbuckler which is a real shame, because in my estimation Cutthroat Island has over 10 times as many fights that are at least 100 times more exciting than anything you'll find in mainstream sci-fi pap like "The Phantom Menace." Besides, what looks better, blasting someone in the stomach to end their life immediately or clashing swords with your opponent, elegantly hacking them up a piece at a time with a touch of class? I know which one I'd take anytime. Anyway, Cutthroat Island is a throwback to the glory days of Errol Flynn and Douglas Fairbanks Jr. and as a both an adventure and pirate movie, it largely succeeds. Go see it now though, because I have the feeling its the last in its genre we'll see for a while...

The main problem with this film is it tries so hard to offend that everything else (plot, character, good dialogue) gets thrown out of the window. The graphic scenes of sex and violence wouldn't really worry me too much if they were relevant to the plot but alas, the initially intriguing sci-fi premise is soon ditched in favour of a "let's see which one of us can do the sickest and most disturbing scene in the film" between the animators. Such a shame, if they actually put a bit of effort into developing the plot and less time testing the audiences morality then we might have something interesting here. Oh yeah, and what was the point in dubbing all the original Japanese voicework with completely out of place American accents? (which have to be squeaky of course, to suit the films Tokyo setting.) Couldn't they just have kept the film the way it was and added sub-titles at the end? Oh sorry I forgot, the studio thinks the average Yank doesn't have the patience to read them AND watch the film at the same time... Cheers for that vote of confidence there, dudes. In conclusion, this film is like that foul-mouthed child you stick in the corner for using bad-language: They try to get your attention by trying to shock you as much as possible, but really all they succeed in doing is make you realize just how sad and desperate they are.

A trash classic! Basically what we have here is a story about a couple of American teenagers (one male, one female both beautiful people of course) who seem to be psychically linked, in that every time both of them fall asleep, they can inhabit each others dreams and express each others innermost desires... think Mills & Boon meets X-files and you'll be somewhere near the mark. Actually, its more like an unhappy hybrid between one of Ed Wood's famously bad B- movies and a particularly silly episode of Melrose Place, so tacky are the special-effects and so amateurish is the acting. The actors who inhabit (I wouldn't say act in) this flick say their lines like they're reading from cue cards and pout when they're supposed to be showing an emotion, and it comes as no great shock (or loss to the industry) that they have since faded into obscurity. The whole thing is just a laughably misguided mixture of styles that don't go together at all, and the end result is a intriguing curiosity that no doubt will be lapped up by purveyors of so-bad-they're-good films in years to come. I'll probably be the only person who ever comments on this film, but if you are reading and have seen it please get back, it gets kinda lonely round here...

Please. don't you just get sick of all those films that are just made as an excuse to put as much female flesh on display as possible? This one is probably worst than most though: not only do you have to put up with the usual bimbos and hunks with perfect teeth but no visible trace of any acting ability, you also have to endure some painfully cliched love scenes (complete with drippy mid 80's soundtrack of course) and an end race between the female lead character and her professional race-driver boyfriend that could have been lifted straight out of Grease (I won't bother telling you the outcome, if you hadn't guessed by now you've obviously never seen one of these underdog movies before, and good luck to you). Still we do learn a couple of interesting things from this film, one is that if you're a man (or a woman) who wants to get into the opposite sexes changing rooms, all you have to do is walk round the wall of your own changing rooms and you'll find it! Oh yeah, and all you need to turn a old rustbucket of a car into a gleaming new 150mph dream machine is 500 dollars and half a dozen spare parts from your local trashheap! So enjoy this flick, but most of all be prepared to have a blooming good laugh...

Its hard to believe Hollywood would spend 90 million on a script like this, with its cornball dialogue and its utterly unconvincing space research. This films seems to take every cliche from every space exploration movie ever made, reheats them at medium temperature then serves them pretending that its some kind of new and exciting dish. An example: You've got the suicidal loner who has just lost their partner, the black guy who goes crazy at the slightest provocation, the married couple who are so happy you just KNOW that one of them will kick the bucket before the end of the film, and the young hotshot who thinks too highly of himself. Those sort of people have cropped up in hmm. I don't know, like a thousand other movies. None of them seems to have any human interest at all, they are simply caricatures of the script, which is far too busy trying to fit in as many special effects as possible to put in any drama or God forbid, half-decent dialogue. And don't give me that baloney about just seeing it for the special effects, if you want to see a visual extravaganza go see a firework display, the cinema is meant to test your brain. Why this eye-candy rubbish makes millions of dollars while far superior pictures released on a much smaller scale make nothing at the box-office is beyond me, I guess it just shows the power of hype over content nowadays. Oh and check out the alien during the final segment, probably the most pointless and wasteful use of CGI graphics you'll ever see. Blergh.

I throughly believe Muriel's Wedding is one of the best films ever made. All the performances are wonderful, especially Toni Collette who without a doubt should have been nominated for an Oscar. Don't believe anyone who tells you this is a romantic comedy. It is actually a very warped tale of unlikable characters only interested in themselves manipulating, lying and scheming to each other to see who'll come out on top. In the end, one decides to reform and another loses the fight and decides to do the only action she can think of. Basically, it is funny a lot of the time, but with a very depressive underlying moral that undercuts everything. Those who like to observe films will appreciate the message and relate to it more. Those expecting a nice palatable bit of fluff like "My Best Friends Wedding" should keep away.