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Paint (II) (2023)
8/10
I loved Bob Ross, I very much like this movie.
1 April 2024
I am a professional painter in great part due to Bob Ross and The Joy of Painting. I thought the world of the man. That said, Paint is a quirky send up of not just Bob but the PBS culture in general. Most of the people who are hating on this movie are doing so out of a sincere but misguided protectiveness of Bob and his legacy.

The movie itself tells the tale of a PBS host who is aging out of his spot. He is threatened by a young upstart who is stealing his thunder. This is a clever reference to how Bob Ross came in and upended Bill Alexander's career as the primary TV painter.

No spoilers, but I urge you to stream this movie. Watch it apart from anything you may know and love about Bob Ross. Without that baggage, it is a good film.
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8/10
A misunderstood metaphor.
30 September 2023
Warning: Spoilers
Okay then, so people seem to want this to be a straight up alien invasion movie and to judge it by those metrics. Just like Stand by Me is not really about a dead body, Carrie isn't about a telekinetic girl and her crappy prom, and even Frankenstein isn't about a dead man reanimated, this is not about aliens.

No One Will Help You is about guilt and self isolation. As a young girl Brynne, in a fit of rage, did something terrible. Her own self hatred is reflected in how she sees the townspeople reacting to her. This was her own creation based on how she feels about herself. She feels unworthy of love and acceptance because of the awful thing she did.

The aliens and her abduction are the vehicle by which she is shocked into the realization that she can be forgiven and if she fights for her own life, she must be worthy of some kind of love.

There are several little nods to this throughout the picture. In all I found it compelling and well executed when considering this interpretation. I would have given it a 9 had there been zero words spoken.
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8/10
At the end... I gave it an 8!
24 September 2023
To start with, let me make it well known that this movie was made for what a major movie spends on the craft cart for the extras for a day. No professional writers. No rewrite staff. No fancy camera tracking equipment. Do you even know what a roll of gaffers tape costs? For the decent stuff it is 20$ a roll.

Now that's out of the way. The story is fine. Little bit Purge, little bit psycho, little bit hostel. The acting is fine other than the girl. She is pretty abysmal. You just have to get past the idea of a big Hollywood production and more on the level of community theater. So I rank it as high as I did because the people who made it deserve to have their project seen. 4 points for the movie and 4 points for the chutzpah. Seems fair.
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8/10
This deserves so much better of a rating.
22 September 2023
I think the people giving this film such low ratings were brought up in the 20 second cut scene generation. It is a modern telling of a classic scary story. Justin Long is great as the lead in the tale. Kate Bosworth is stunning as always as the lead female actor. The four part cast is rounded out by Gia Crovatin as the sweet but creepy sister and Lucy Walters as the most openly sinister character.

It is a slow build as it develops the two main characters. Hap (Long) is an office culture 'nice' guy with all that entails. Mina (Bosworth) is the sweet and somewhat innocent seeming little rich girl. This is just the beginning of the movie.

If you don't like character development, classic scary stories, or tales that actually resolve, this isn't your movie. If you do like such things combined with on again off again tension building, give it a watch. Very enjoyable for this fan of old school spooky movies.
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The Plague (2006 Video)
3/10
Bed precisely because of its potential.
22 September 2023
The Plague has a very intriguing premise. Every single child under the age of 9 simultaneously gals comatose. All babies born after this event are born in this catatonia. Great start for a medical based sci fi detective story. Great start for an alien invasion saga. The mysterious concept could have been taken in so many interesting directions. Because it was not is the reason for my uncharacteristic low low rating. Wasted potential is far worse than no potential.

Then they all wake up. A point where two of the three points are earned. One line was the sole redemption point for this picture. A character says "They all woke up" another points to the aftermath of some extreme violence and says "How does that explain this?" The half shrugged answer, "They all woke up and they're really pissed of?" I laughed out loud at that, so it earned a couple of points. Other than that it is a trash movie that could have been really good.
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8/10
I have to wonder...
28 June 2023
How many of the negative reviews for this series are from Hillsong apologists and evangelicals who feel threatened? This is an important work and should be seen. Is it perfect? No, but it is pretty well done and most importantly it further shines a light on what is going on in ALL megachurches. Hillsong is just one among many. Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart, Earl Paulk, Jim Bakker, Robert Tilton, and so on all were exposed as frauds, thieves, and predators. This doesn't even begin to cover the actual fringe cults out there. This series does present facts. It does present victim testimony. It did request responses from the ministers in question. I reiterate, it is well worth a look.
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They/Them (2022)
7/10
C'mon Man! Not that bad at all.
2 June 2023
Those who say this is the worst movie ever have never seen Ankle Biters or Skinamarink. It is a solid little semi horror film. The true horror is in why this cast of characters are together in the first place. The very idea of this kind of "therapy" should frighten anyone, no matter their stance on LGBTQ issues. Give it a chance and watch with an open mind. Preformed political views can easily ruin this kind of picture for folks. Anna Klumsky was lovely to see, as was Kevin Bacon. I thought most of the younger cast did a decent job as well. There are some fun scenes and clever lines if you get past the hateful reviews.
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8/10
Far Better than expected!
19 September 2022
Solid movie that I almost turned off when I saw it was Russian. In the end it was quite entertaining. Phenomenal for a Russian made film, and better than some recent US studio produced superhero flicks. Negative reviews are saying it steals from a ton of Hollywood movies. I think this is a feature not a bug. The typical is turned on it's ear. Now, it gets two points off for me because of a certain pandering to Russian ideas of law and order being more important than human rights. You will note instances of this kind of nationalistic streak as you watch. Of course, the same can be said of films from a lot of places. A really nice (super) Hero movie and it deserves a shot.
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6/10
Great movie until...
9 July 2022
Warning: Spoilers
I enjoyed the bulk of this film. People who bash it are, I think, looking for more than the movie purports to offer. It was a perfectly competent monster movie right up to the second before the credits roll. Now I love a good open ended story as much as the next masochist, but A Quiet Place II abused the privilege. You don't just end it in the middle of the climax. The audience gets nothing to even apply their imaginations.
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6/10
There is something that bugs me sooo much...
19 August 2020
This is an otherwise fine episode of an entertaining program. I simply cannot forgive media representations of events whose primary basis is Biblical mythos, misnaming a book in their primary source material. The name of the book is The Revelation of Jesus Christ to John the Apostle. The only acceptable truncation is The Revelation. I immediately lose respect for writers of Bible themed fiction who don't get this simple fact straight.
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Frost Bite (2019)
9/10
Short horror at its most beautiful?
12 January 2020
This short is beautiful. A young girl is traveling through the post apocalypse badlands in winter with a strange companion. Is he a pet or a protector or something else? The acting is great. The cinematography is gorgeous. The story is heartwarming. Yes I said it's a heartwarming horror film.
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Messiah: Tremor (2020)
Season 1, Episode 2
9/10
A show that combines everything.
5 January 2020
A well crafted tale that brings religion, politics, and human relations together. This second episode starts to really explore the "what ifs" inherent in the overall story.
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Cargo (I) (2017)
9/10
One of the best.
15 September 2019
Are there flaws? Of course. The flaws are so minor though, as to not merit a mention. Cargo is one of the very best 'zombie' pictures I have ever seen. That is because the zombie apocalypse is only really a tertiary part of the story. It provides a backdrop and catalyst for what is a story of humanity and love. How love is twisted in some and brings out the very best in others. It is a very very sad story but not hopeless. The secondary part of this tale is the underlying allegory of how modern greed poisons the soul and poisons the land. This encompasses the struggle to set things back in balance. The only reason it doesn't get a full 10/10 is because there is always room for improvement. Put down the phone or close the reviews tab and watch this film.
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Hungerford (2014)
7/10
For what it was, Great.
7 September 2019
This movie was made be people with no experience or a real budget of any kind. With all of that considered, they did a fantastic job. The makeup artist was 16 and learned from YouTube videos. It's a hell of a lot better than the last few "real" horror films I have seen.
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Locusts: The 8th Plague (2005 TV Movie)
4/10
The movie itself is not horrible...
23 June 2007
This film is mainly fine for 'made for TV' fare. The biggest problem with this movie is the horrendous cgi effects. If it were not for the absolutely unwatchable special effects, "Locusts" would be worth it for the guilty pleasure factor. I will say that I am notoriously forgiving with regard to horror films. If I was entertained at all, I figure the movie did the job for which it was intended. I would have found this one very entertaining on the level of schlocky monster of the week movies, were it not for the extremely poor use of cgi. If you have nothing better to do and happen to find it on sci-fi... go ahead and give it a watch. There is enough unintended comedy to make use of a pizza and a couple of sodas or beers.
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(1963)
I give it 1 out of 10
5 October 2004
Well there's 2 hours and what 18 minutes I will never get back. This movie is a bore. Pure and simple. It is a case of a director indulging himself and entertaining no one but himself. Why do I give this movie even a one on my persona 1-10 scale? That is also simple. There is at least a measure of genius at work when one can unleash 138 minutes worth of unadulterated crap and get people to lavish upon it grand measures of praise, simply because... well.. they think they are supposed to. "It's Fellini's masterwork" "all TRUE FILM fans must love this." I see all these grandiose comments and after having seen the movie I just had to laugh. Here is my rendition of what goes on in the mind of the trendy and oh so cool movie goer when seeing this movie. "I am so excited I have heard so much about this movie, I can hardly wait for the lights to dim... Oh boy here we go. Hmmmm. Man, I'm really not seeing much to this... zzzz zzzz zzzz zzzz zzz .. Oh sorry sir, I didn't realize the movie was over I'll leave right away. Well I must go to all my friends and rave about this movie. After all, Roger Ebert said it was one of the greatest movies of all time... Everyone on IMDb raves about it... it has to be great. I can't show my idiocy by letting anyone know how badly that 'film' blew."

And so the myth gets propagated. It's a masterpiece because it's supposed to be. Well excuse me while I go break out my copy of House of 1000 corpses or Spiderman and actually spend some time being entertained rather than bored spitless.

Spooky
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Oh it's not all as bad as that...
29 August 2004
Warning: Spoilers
I have certainly seen much better films in my life, but Exorcist: The Beginning was not THAT bad. I have two major criticisms of the movie and one minor one.

Major Criticisms:

1. I concede to those to have posted before... the CGI was awful and way overused... even in the opening scene much of the background and even some of the foreground is cgi... so much so that until you see live actors milling about in the marketplace, it could have been the start of an animated movie.

2. There are critical points left out. Characters do things and say things that there is no logical reason for them to do or say. I actually read the book (I assume that was adapted from the screenplay?) and I felt much more in the know than I would have been just seeing the movie.

Minor Criticism:

Again this is from my having read the little book. *** Possible Spoiler***





Jeffries' face... it was not nearly bad enough in the beginning to elicit the kind of responses it got. In the book it makes it as though his ENTIRE face is covered in these boils to the point of him being horribly disfigured. I know this is nit picky but the guy just wasn't so incredibly repulsive at first to warrant Merrins look of disgust.





End Spoilers

Anyway I really enjoyed the movie overall. I felt entertained and to me that is what a movie is all about. I get a little amused when people don't allow themselves to even enjoy a movie because they become so bogged down in the minutia of continuity from a movie that is decades old. I appreciate their fervor and dedication to the artistic level of the original film... but damn have a little fun.
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The funniest 90 minutes on video
4 August 2004
One thing I could always rely on as a child was my family laughing til we had tears in our eyes while watching the Carol Burnett Show. She and her troupe of comics comprised one of the best skit actors to ever grace the small screen. I happened across this reunion show in our local public library and checked it out immediately. What I got was a great treat. Carol, Tim Conway, Harvey Korman, Vicky Lawrence and Lyle Wagonner come together on stage to celebrate 11 seasons of marvelous work, 25 years after the show first aired.

The beauty of the show was that they were not afraid of flub ups. In fact the times when they would crack each other up, was a legendary part of the program. Anyone who watched the show will never forget Mr. Tudball and Mrs. (uh)Wiggins, Nora Desmond, Eunice, Mama, or any of the other characters introduced by that gang.

If you get a chance to see this reunion, treat yourself and sit back for a hilarious good time.
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Out for Blood (2004 Video)
Not bad all in all
31 July 2004
The movie was not bad. It wasn't great either. I enjoyed it, so it gets points for that. It was relatively predictable, the effects were kind of mediocre, but Lance Henrickson was good, the girls were cute, and it was about vampires, so hell, it couldn't be all bad. I think, had I paid 8.00 to see it in a theatre I would be a bit ragged off. But in that all I lost was a couple of hours on an early Saturday night... I am content. I would give it 6 fang marks out of 20 (remember there are two fang marks to each bite... smile) Watch it on Sci-Fi but I wouldn't spend more than a 4 dollar bargain bin price on the DVD if and when it comes out. As for me, I am going to pop open a pabst blue ribbon and watch House of 1000 Corpses again.
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Noctropolis (1994 Video Game)
Perhaps the most engaging computer game ever.
25 March 2004
This game was one of my favorites when it came out and none have overshadowed it. The Tex Murphy series comes close but doesn't quite grasp me the way Noctropolis did. Not only are the characters fun... not to mention in a couple of cases (Stiletto and Succubus.. wow!) very easy on the eyes. You play a comic book store owner who is transported into the world of his favorite superhero... Darksheer. Once your character arrives in the city of night he must take the place of his beloved hero and save the city from the mysterious plot involving the sun spire. The best thing about this game is that once you win the game your reward is not the simple endgame sequence tying things together, but you get a rather extended series of outtakes and bloopers from the live action actors that are part of the game. I have yet to feel as rewarded for completing any other computer game. The security guard actors Barney Fife impersonation is priceless.
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Prophecy (1979)
8/10
Not as bad as all that....
19 March 2004
This movie is really not as bad as many would have you think. Sure it's campy, but dang people it was made in what the late 70's??? Most of the criticism seems to center around the poor representation of the creature. Well think about it, it's not the Lord of the Rings Trilogy. It's an old dang movie! I think the mere fact that 20 plus years later people are still watching it and talking about it means something. As others have said it sticks with you for some reason. I say give it a watch, along with such things as Doom Asylum and the 1978 remake of Body Snatchers with Leonard Nimoy and Donald Sutherland. Tis all in good fun. Camp and horror go hand in hand, especially when you toss in social commentary, or so it seems.
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Doom Asylum (1987)
10/10
One the best bad movies I have seen
17 December 2003
I am somewhat of a fan of bad horror movies. A guilty pleasure, I suppose one would call it. I love this movie. The first time I rented it, someone had taped over all but the first half hour. So I saw just enough to hook me into a several year hunt for the full video. When I saw it I was elated to find a movie that didn't take itself at all seriously. The people who made this movie KNEW it was bad and they didn't care.. why? Because it's FUN!!! The 'evil' character in this movie has the most wonderful comedic lines as he commits his villainy. The other characters are totally stereotypes taken from every slasher movie made. I suggest everyone who is a fan of offbeat B (okay it's probably a v) grade movies, check this out.
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Great Horror film detractors not withstanding...
5 December 2001
You see, Halloween was meant to be a series of horror films. It was not meant to be an octilogy. But people lost their minds over this edition, forcing the makers to stick to the old characters. People say they didn't like it because it had nothing to do with the previous movies. That is similar to saying one doesn't like Tales from the Crypt because it isn't a horror soap opera.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch is wonderfully nasty. It reaches out and grabs us by our taboos of harming children and brings us face to face with the idea that there are some people out there who are not averse to that. It's a morality play of sorts. All good horror films seem to be. I only wish people would have allowed the series to have evolved into what it could have been, rather than forcing upon us the remaining Michael Meyers films. 1,2, and H20 being the only three of those that should have ever been made.

Spookyt
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The Ugly (1997)
A most satisfying little find.
7 January 2001
Warning: Spoilers
It was almost closing time at the video store. None of the movies I actually had on my list were available. So I went picking through the horror section (my favorite) and came up with this gem that I had never seen before. This film has to be one of the best lower budget horror films I have seen in many a day. On my SpookyT bone scale it garners a phenomenal 9 out of 10 bones. Since many people have already reviewed this film... I would like to offer my answer to some of the criticisms. First, the blood was unconvincing. Well my fellow effects fan... it wasn't meant to be convincing as blood. What it did was further the effect of the dream like state in which the flashbacks occur. Carrying that through to the real time scenes, I felt enhanced the blurring of what was real and what was Simon's sometimes less than truthful telling. The second argument contains a bit of a spoiler so if you haven't seen the film read no further. Second, some have criticized his escape as being far too easy. One made the comment that if an inmate attacked a doctor they would be immediately restrained and beaten etc. I offer this argument for how the movie portrayed that. He was taken away immediately and he was beaten. He was thrown into a cell by two large and fairly abusive orderlies and was no doubt soon to be put in restraints. These guards were quite fast and loose with their handling of Simon. Contrary to what the other reviewers have said... There are currently very strict guidelines about patient treatment and I dare say it would take more than a choke these days to get the permission to have a patient restrained, let alone beaten. Lastly some have said that a few of the characters were too unbelievable. I disagree. I found all the characters to be much like people I have met. I would like for someone to have actually delineated which characters they felt were unbelievable and why. The only tarnish I found on this film was the sequence where Julie asks Simon about his mother. It seems implausible that she would not have known about that bit of history.
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Ghost Town (1988)
8/10
Evil Dead meets Fistful of Dollars
7 January 2001
I don't have a lot to say about this movie other than it was a damn fine little horror film. I found it to be in the style of The Evil Dead series. The main character of Langly goes from being a seeming 3rd rate heavy metal addicted stumpwater deputy into being a hero fighting evil. The difference here is that rather than an old spooky woods or a medieval keep, the he is tossed into a western ghost town. I highly recommend this movie to anyone who appreciates a little camp and a lot of fun tossed together with their living dead.
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