allenk752's Reviews

Plasterhead (2006)

7/10

17 May 2013

All you have to do is go to Netflix to see just how many god-awful horror films there are that were made in the last 10 years. It seems that every loser with a video camera seems to think he's John Carpenter.

While this is no masterpiece, PLASTERHEAD still manages to create a good deal of low-key suspense in the first half, during which we rarely get a glimpse of the murderous Plasterhead. (In that, the film is very much like a lot of 1950's "monster" movies, where budgetary limitations almost dictated that the "creature" not be shown until halfway through {or later}). Since this is obviously a low-budget film, the filmmakers were wise to use this approach.

Some other reviewers of this film have commented on how bad the acting is. The "teenagers" in the film are pretty raw and unpolished in their overly-dramatic performances, but you'll see plenty worse in this genre. And there's at least one really good performance by Gerard Adimondo as the local lawman. He's easily the best element of the film and one wishes the screenwriters had developed his "back story" better because he is the most interesting character in the film. From his first few minutes on film, one can sense that he is a conscientious lawman but there is something dark about the character. All of that is conveyed in the actor's performance: Adimondo is terrific.

The film runs out of gas (and ideas) near the end, but that's not unusual for this genre. As for those "critics" who complained about the characters' accents -- Give me a break. This isn't Shakespeare!!

All in all, PLASTERHEAD is an enjoyable, low-budget film, though it's far from a genre classic.

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Pray to God and Dig Your Grave (1968)

6/10

Dig this movie and don't be so grave

13 May 2012

Warning: Spoilers

This is a pretty good Italian western for the undemanding viewer. The first half of the film is extremely intriguing and violent; there's a man buried in the ground up to his neck whose head gets trampled by horses in a most gruesome fashion, a rape of an innocent woman, and much time devoted to the mournful mother of the victims. She walks across the border to Texas to find her other son Fernando, who, along with his sidekick Paco, will avenge his siblings' deaths and kill the evil tyrant Don Enrique, who is responsible for these deaths (and many other atrocities). Fernando returns to find Don Enrique tossing loaves of bread to the poor, oppressed villagers in a most condescending fashion, and one of the tyrant's men even goes so far in his cruelty as to shoot at a baby. Fernando tries to enlist his friend Cipriano, but Cipriano is a notorious "bandito" now, so Fernando has second thoughts. But they team up and that's when things get complicated . . . TOO complicated for the film. From this point on, despite some great scenes and interesting gun battles and fistfights, the film just gets "too busy." Characters disappear; a Gatling gun comes out of nowhere; we see many gallows in Don Enrique's town but no real hangings, etc. The English-dubbed version of "Pray to God . . ." I saw may have been a cut one -- it had an 84 minute running time -- but the jumpy and somewhat illogical second half of the film disappoints a little after a very promising, somewhat stylish first half.

Robert Woods is quite good as Fernando and the supporting cast is effective too despite their sometimes confusingly-motivated characters. All in all, this isn't a top-notch Italian western, but fans of the genre will enjoy it despite its flaws.

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Los marcados (1971)

6/10

They Call This Savage

17 March 2012

This is one strange, disturbing film!

Part "El Topo," part Peckinpah, part "spaghetti western," this Mexican-made western is just a violent, perverse piece of work. It's the story of a savage gang, made up partly of a son and his stepfather and their crew of sadistic murderers. They have a compound out in the desert, with weird stone structures that resemble a sort of Mexican Stonehenge; but they also have a red-draped mirror and a water hole to bathe in . . . which they frequently do.(!) And the son fancies himself a Shakespearean actor, and when he performs out in the desert, all the members of the gang are required to pay attention and watch.(!)

On the trail of this gang (which features characters named "The Brown" (stepdad) and "The Kid" (the stepson)) is the man in black known as "The Marked" for the huge scar on his face. The members of a corrupt town hire "The Marked" to protect them from the gang. He is aided in this by a crippled gunman known as "one-Armed."

The film tries hard to make some weird connections between story elements and subthemes: family drama, homosexuality, Shakespeare, Western clichés, even religious overtones pop in and out. But although the film is never boring and often quite fascinating, the aforementioned elements never quite gel.

Much of the acting is very good, especially Flor Silvestre as "The Marked," Antonio Aguilar as "The Kid," and Flor Silvestre as The Kid's tormented mother (a madame in a whorehouse).

Stage blood is not spared in this epic. Nor is the violence, the torture, or the sadism. This Mexican western is not for everyone, but it is a very complex piece of work, for the most part directed in very interesting fashion by Alberto Marisal.

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Pistol Packin' Preacher (1971)

5/10

My Name is McFilthy

26 February 2012

This is a very silly Italian Western, along the lines of the Trinity films, but with a difference: it's loaded with references to the commercial Italian film industry (at the time) and satirical pokes at the Catholic Church.

When we first meet our hero (Mark Damon of "Black Sabbath" and "Fall of the House of Usher" fame), he's trying to shoot a fly off his toe with none of the panache or flair of Jack Elam in "Once Upon a Time in the West." His name is Slim McFilthy, which is indicative of the level of "subtle" humor in this film. He hooks up with an Italian immigrant out to start a pizza business in the West, but who winds up imitating a priest in order to scam the locals (with McFilthy's help).

Along the way there are some clever gags, like McFilthy punching bad guys after a "wind up" like a baseball pitcher ("Here's a knuckleball!"), but there are more dumb ones like McFilthy in drag in bed with the villain, and first arriving in town using a startlingly tasteless imitation of a cripple to scam the townspeople.

What makes this uneven comedy interesting, though, is the references to the Italian film industry: the pizzamaker's two daughters tell him he's "like Hercules ..." "...or Maciste" when he defeats a couple of bad guys; later a townsman shows up with a hand-held Gatling Gun (a la Django) that breaks and won't stop shooting, etc. Even more intriguing are the pokes at the Catholic Church: Baptism, Confession, curses, miracles and even reincarnation are not too gently ridiculed.

All in all, this is not a great Italian Western or comedy, but for nearly every dumb moment in the film, there is a clever one. The direction is haphazard, and Damon's no Terence Hill, but the film is fun.

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Escape from Hell Island (1963)

It's "hell," okay . . .

23 October 2011

The "hell island" referred to in the title refers to post-revolution Cuba. Some refugees are helped to the U.S. by an sea captain from Key West. He falls in love with a refugee's wife -- none of these refugees has an accent -- the husband is a psychotic crybaby, and he somehow talks the captain into talking him to the Bahamas so he can grub money from his sister. The husband tries to kill the captain and steal his ship.

If this sounds like a confused mess with no real plot, it's because this is exactly what it is. There's a scene that goes on for fifteen minutes where Mark Stevens (the captain) tries to get back on his ship after the psychotic guy knocks him into the ocean . . . which is filled with stock footage (badly patched in) of sharks.

Stevens directed this tiny-budgeted, black and white mess, which is supposedly based on a story by Robert Sheckley, a first-rate writer, who, I doubt, had much to do with this fiasco.

Watching this was about as exciting as watching Jello cook. No . . . it wasn't even that good. Skip it and pour that Jello powder in boiling water . . .

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Devil's Harvest (1942)

Where there's smoke . . .

9 September 2011

Perfectly awful "anti-marijuana" film in the "Reefer Madness" mode. This is one of the worst in this genre, but it's not without its share of unintentional laughs: a "dealer" has a hot dog stand and puts joints in the bun before selling them; there's a night club in a storage building so threadbare that only Ed Wood Jr. could love it; and a cheap image of the devil is superimposed on the goings-on here and there. The acting is so bad one wonders if the cast was on -- as they say in the movie -- "loco weed" for real. Less than an hour long but feels a lot longer. A much better -- but still not good -- film of this type is "She Shoulda Said No," which is far more entertaining.

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The Gay Buckaroo (1931)

2/10

A Gibson western . . . but not a hoot!

4 October 2010

This early-30's Hoot Gibson western is less a western than it is a gooey, corny romance. I got the impression that some scriptwriter turned in a work that was deemed too silly for a modern-day drama/comedy and instead the company decided to turn it into a "cowboy" story. It's basically about Gibson vying with oily Roy D'Arcy for the attentions of pretty but "spoiled" Merna Kennedy. Gibson's a "regular guy" who can't compete with fancy boy (and incredibly corny actor) D'Arcy until he acquires some money and buys some fancy duds to impress Kennedy. Gibson -- who could be fine as a rootin'-shootin' cowboy -- comes off like a buffoon in this film. Why he would be interested in spoiled wench Kennedy is beyond comprehension . . . she isn't THAT good-looking. Even after 60-something minutes of her nonsense, pouting, and nastiness, Gibson still proclaims "She'd make a swell wife."

There's a few (not good) fistfights, some decent horse-ridin', and a horribly stereotyped Chinese servant who cooks and spouts out wie sayings a la Charlie Chan. And, of course, he doesn't even get to ride a horse; he has to sit on a mule.

"Buckaroo" is quaint, primitive, but not very good.

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Bury Me Not on the Lone Prairie (1941)

3/10

Bore me not on the lone prairie . . .

17 March 2010

This isn't one of Johnny Mack Brown's better films. The script is threadbare, so this 61 minute film is packed with too much comedy relief featuring Fuzzy Knight and songs like "The Bears Give Me the Bird!" There's so much "comedy" in the film that one could honestly refer to the ridin', fightin', and shootin' scenes as "action relief."

The only thing that makes this sloppily-edited B western at all interesting is some incredibly bizarre moments: Fuzzy cuts off a bad-guy's hair and glues it to his face to make a beard; a daughter loses her dad in a shooting and expresses practically no remorse, since her acting range is so limited; and a jaw-dropping racist joke at the film's conclusion.

Nell O'Day (as Fuzzy's sister)steals the show here: she has as many action scenes as Brown himself and shows a hell of a lot more spunk.

Even undiscriminating B Western fans will likely have a tough time getting through this one.

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Savage Harbor (1987)

2/10

Slipshod Harbor

24 January 2010

When we first saw the cover of the VHS box for this film (aka Death Feud), my friend and I knew one of us was going to have to get it. I mean, where else will you find FRANK Stalone and CHRISTOPHER Mitchum together in one film? I won (er . . . lost?) and took the film home. And what did I find? Just what I knew I would: a cinematic wonderment full of horrible acting, a hole-ridden plot, laughable action scenes, and best of all, outright mistakes the makers of this gem were too lazy to reshoot. Among them: Stallone karate-chopping a dude and missing by a mile; a guy being dragged behind a truck who clearly whacks a parked car with his prone body as the truck makes a turn; and Stallone kicking in a hotel door that is obviously already unlocked and slightly ajar!

The two stars I've given this shoddy exercise in cinematic nepotism are both for Anthony Caruso, the great character actor whose career goes back 3 decades. His presence gives the movie its only good performance and its only touch of professionalism. Neither Stallone, Mitchum, nor anyone else in this sludge-fest is worthy of shining his shoes. Long live actors like Caruso! (No, not you, David!)

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High Ice (1980 TV Movie)

1/10

Not high enough . . .

23 January 2010

I picked this very boring movie up for less than a buck on VHS . . . and I paid too much for it!! David Janssen, Tony Musante & Dorian Harewood are all decent actors -- and they try very hard here -- but this made-for-TV film is just excruciating to watch. The rest of the cast is horrible -- especially the "actors" who get stranded on the mountain -- and half the footage is helicopters just hovering around. Horribly dated and completely useless flashbacks do nothing except add to the film's running time, a very long 97 minutes. Pretty terrible direction and even worse editing just sink this production.

The Vestron Video VHS print (which this was) might be a theatrical version of the film: there's brief nudity during the flashbacks. (The nudity doesn't help add any interest either!)

Thank God for the fast forward button on my remote.

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Joe l'implacabile (1967)

4/10

Neither dynamite nor a bomb!

29 June 2009

"Dynamite Joe" is a fairly obscure spaghetti western, rarely seen in the U.S., probably because there are no American actors in it. It's a lot more light-hearted than a lot of Italian westerns, but it doesn't work too well as either a comedy or a western. Rick Von Nutter stars as "special agent" Joe Ford, better known as Dynamite Joe. The character (and the film) seem to be influenced by both the James Bond phenomena, heavy in the 60's, and the TV show "Wild Wild West."

Joe's hired by the government to get a gold shipment safely through dangerous territory and past a group of "comancheros." He manages to do this when a wagon is made from the gold. (Yeah . . . that's believable!) Along the way we're told Joe has "an obsession with the letter G: gold, girls, and gunpowder!" The audience is also treated to (or tortured by) a couple of songs by a saloon girl (who looks a lot like Annette Funicello).

There is the usual -- for spaghetti westerns -- backstabbing and corruption of supposedly noble characters, and a number of mostly predictable twists in the plot. And then there's director Margheriti's famous work with miniatures during a sensational flood sequence. And as usual, the special effects in the sequence alternate from spectacular to dreadful, often within seconds.

In short, "Dynamite Joe" is watchable, but is far from the apex of Italian westerns. And Rick Von Nutter just walks through the title role on what I presume is supposed to be his charm. (Note to Rick: It ain't happenin', dude!)

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Flying Blind (1941)

3/10

Yawn!

8 January 2009

A commuter airline plane(Honeymoon Airlines)-- consisting of one plane -- that flies couples to Vegas is hijacked by enemy spies to bring a new transformer for bombers across the border to Mexico. Sounds exciting? It isn't. The first half hour is more silly romantic comedy than action movie, and even when the hijack happens, the suspense is minimal, and the characters too dumb to relate to. One, a Boy Scout scoutmaster, actually starts a forest fire; another, a soon-to-be father, falls over everything in a lame attempt at slapstick. The film is a mish-mosh and not a good one.

Strangely, this B film is included in the Combat Pack (20 films)DVD collection available for $10.00 or less. The connection to "combat" or WW II is fleeting, at best.

One interesting note, though: horror film icon Dwight Frye (Renfield in the 1932/Lugosi Dracula has a small but typically over-the-top role as an enemy collaborator.

All in all . . . a yawner.

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SFX Retaliator (1987)

Pardon me, can you spare a script?

2 June 2008

Christopher Mitchum is a guy who does effects for a movie company. He gets involved in a theft of a million dollars when he gives Linda Blair -- looking incredibly frumpy for a mob hooker -- a ride in his car. Then, well, one mob fights another, both are after Mitchum, they kidnap hiswife, he kidnaps Blair, they steal the money back . . . then Mitchum uses his effects "skills" to fight the mobs.

We're supposed to believe that Mitchum uses real bullets, rockets and bombs in his work and they can be bought at the local electronics store. He drives a truck outfitted with weaponry that would make James Bond drool. Yeah, right.

Mitchum and Blair fumble through their roles, but look great compared to the rest of the cast, who only have to utter "mob" phrases ("Get him!" "You go around that way!") and fall down when shot.

The only reason to watch this stinker is for the great Gordon Mitchell, who plays the mob boss. He seems embarrassed but gives it his all. Imagine the star of URSUS AGAINST THE CYCLOPS being embarrassed!

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Into the Sun (2005)

6/10

Surprisingly good Seagal

3 February 2008

If you've been disappointed with some of Seagal's film of late, don't let that stop you from seeing this one. Some people just think Seagal's a joke and hate everything the guy does. But this movie is never boring, it's very violent (like his films back "in the day" were), and the direction by "mink" (huh?) keeps the film moving at a brisk pace. The authentic Asian locations help a lot too.

While far from perfect, this movie rocks: it pours on the blood, the fights, the moments of zen "calm" -- all the things one expects from a Seagal film. And this one delivers!

Seagal wrote and performs some of the music for the film too. It's great stuff: he's a decent singer and a fine guitarist.

Keep crankin' 'em out, Steve!

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The Chinese Caper (1975)

1/10

"Caper" is a loss

20 September 2007

Paul Leder's made some real duds -- ever see APE? -- and this is yet another of them. Victor Buono plans a heist in China and hires a "crew" to pull it off, then he rips them off.

This looks like it was mostly made up on the spot to accommodate the locations, which is the only good thing about the film, although Buono seems embarrassingly amused at being in this mess.

The funniest (and dumbest) thing about the film is the way Leder tries to hide the fact that much of the cast is dubbed. He films the Chinese actors from the back, so we can't see their mouths moving out of synch, much the way Doris Wishman did with her el-cheapo sex films of the mid 60's. Why? I ask. I have no idea.

You can get this time-waster at your local Dollar Store. That's probably more than Leder's budget.

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The Overthrow (1987)

2/10

A couple of numb nuts

2 May 2007

Ouch! That word applies in so many ways to this (so-called) political action thriller. The plot is painful, as is the acting and direction. And of course there's the scene where one of the numb-nuts heroes (Roger Wilson)gets his genitals hooked up to jumper cables, resulting in . . . well . . . numb nuts.

The two protagonists are reporters/photographers who get reluctantly involved in a government takeover in a South American country. In the mix are Communists, terrorists, the C.I.A.(as represented by John Phillip Law), and the national army. The two American characters (Lewis Van Bergen and the previously-mentioned Wilson) are really obnoxious, "wisecrack" even when they are being tortured, and are supposedly "macho" guys, although the end result of their characterizations is anything BUT "macho." (Please note the scene where the two are practically 'cuddling" on the floor when they are being held prisoner about a third of the way through the film. Their "American abroad" attitude is incredibly condescending to Latino culture; in that, these two morons might remind Eurotrash fans of the idiotic pair of heroes in the Kommisar X films of the 60's.)

Anyhow, this film is only 81 minutes long on the VHS copy I paid a buck for; even that, though, seemed like an eternity.

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The Lawless Eighties (1957)

5/10

Effective B Western

29 April 2007

This is a solid B Western starring a surprisingly good performance from ex-Flash Gordon, ex-Tarzan, ex-Billy the Kid, Buster Crabbe, who doesn't just walk through the role of a gunfighter (like he did in most of the Billy the Kid B westerns he made in the 40's).In a fast-moving 70 minutes, you get a gunfighter, a preacher, and corrupt white guys trying to start an Indian war for profit, and it all works pretty well, thanks to a tight (if occasionally corny) script and solid if workmanlike direction from B Western veteran director Joseph Kane.

Nice performances by everyone involved too, especially John Smith as the preacher and Ted Corsia as the corrupt Indian Agent.

But the winning performance here is by character actor Tom Doucette, playing a slimy gunman with the fitting name of Pig.

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The Terror (1963)

5/10

Interesting cheapie: something out of nothing

11 April 2007

This film is pretty good proof that Corman was a magician back then. There's really no intelligible plot here, but the movie remains entertaining and look lush despite its shoestring budget. Nicholson isn't exactly believable as a French officer, and Dick Miller doesn't even give his character the German accent it probably should have.

Nonetheless, there are worse ways to spend 81 minutes.

Other commenters have noted that: 1) the sets were left over from Corman's HAUNTED PALACE, but this isn't so -- PALACE wasn't made until 1967; and that Corman had already used the sets on THE TELLTALE HEART, which is also wrong -- Corman didn't direct TELLTALE HEART. It was a British film that was trying to cash in on Corman's Edgar Allen Poe goldmine.

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Moving Target (1988)

1/10

Forgive Ernest Borgnine for this sin!

7 April 2007

Pathetic Italian-made (non)actioner with poor Ernest Borgnine picking up a quick paycheck and a Florida vacation. Linda Blair looks like a frumpy old lady and bloated Stuart Whitman looks ridiculous and curses a lot. I suppose the real attraction was Janine Linde's breasts, which are on display through most of the film. (There's about 20 hot tub/pool/beach scenes.) But honestly, they were boring too.

But even these veterans have little to do since the movie revolves around a bunch of non-actors.

Did I say the "movie revolves?" No, it was MY HEAD that was revolving like Linda Blair's in The Exorcist after sitting through this maggot-infested cheese wedge of a movie.

I still love ya, Ernie, despite this!

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10th & Wolf (2006)

The key here is "over"

6 April 2007

Yes, over.

Giavanni Ribisi "over"acts terribly. All the characters are "over"wrought." The dialogue is cliché-ridden and "over"written. There is an "over"abundance of "guest stars" like Val Kilmer (slumming in one quick scene) and Dennis Hopper (two scenes).

To be fair, there are a couple of tense scenes and it was fun seeing rocker Tommy Lee mumbling his lines. But everyone is this movie is either a killer or a moron, resulting in a story in which there's really no one to root for.

You too will be glad when this movie is "over."

Rating: 4/10

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Dangerous Love (1981)

If You Too Can get This for a Buck . . .

1 April 2007

"Dangerous Love" (U.S. title) is one of those softcore quickies that seemed to jump out of Italy faster than a flea from a donkey's backside in the late 70s-early 80s. I found this VHS tape in a store that was closing. The number of laughs (unintentional, of course)that I had while I watched it justified the buck I paid for it.

There's a lot of groaning and groping, none of it hardcore. Director Siciliano likes cheap zoom shots and cutting away to sculptures who seem to be frowning on the goings-on on the couches, beds, etc.

Plot? You want a plot too? Don't hold your breath trying to untangle the dozen or so plot threads that tangle and wind up nowhere except . . .well, tangled.

Siciliano should have stuck to Euro-westerns. Some of his were damn good!

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Black Dahlia (2006 Video)

1/10

hack job by a real hack

25 November 2006

Ulli Lommel's latest is a blatant attempt to cash in on Brian DePalma's BLACK DAHLIA. (But why, since that bombed??) This shot-on-video-with-non-actors disgrace is the kind of amateurish junk that gives all horror films a bad name. And we all know there are many good ones. This is not even a good "gore" film, even though there are plenty of severed limbs and lots of squishing blood; H.G. Lewis's films of the 60's were better than this, and that's saying a lot because Lewis' films are horrendous. But at least Lewis can say he was an innovator of sorts. Lommel's (so-called) films get worse with each outing.

This DAHLIA is boring, repetitious, pretentious and laughable. Even the "artsy" video effects can't hide just how junky and moronic this rip-off is.

Buyers and renters beware!!

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