Reviews

I loved the original. It had a lot more to it than a simple sci-fi flick. Everyone agrees with that. Did I expect this remake to be up to the same level? No. I went in with a fresh perspective, letting the movie stand on its own. What a mistake that was.

One ‘plot' point that bothered me was all the people wanting to see the man who defies the apes, since they defy the apes every day by congregating in roving bands of scavengers evading capture. Also, there is a difference between giving the ending a hanging twist, the sort that requires you to think, and incomprehensible one. Oh, and the two swiped lines from the original ("Get your stinking hands off me..." and "Damn them...") had the feeling of being forced into the script. They just did not flow.

Warren is a horrible actress. Wahlberg was fairly stiff. Bonham-Carter was a caricature. Roth was the stereotypical mister-mean-man. The script was just plain weak and the craft of storytelling was nonexistent.

So, I thought I would read the book. Let's see, the beginning was nothing like the book, the ending had little in common with the book, the middle wasn't really that much like the book. However, there were talking apes... So, yeah, it was similar in that respect.

I am glad I only rented this. Well, not really.

One can expect the very best in special effects when it comes to a George Lucas. That being said, I cannot forgive him for the atrocity of some dialogue. There are points where it is almost embarrassing. Hayden is a good-looking kid, but not a good actor. He's better than Jake (Epi I), but not good. The movie really lacked the biting one-liners or give-and-take that was so well crafted in the original series. But since I am a hard-core fan, I can look past the trifles of acting and enjoy the spectacle. (And for those who disliked Jar Jar so much, this movie can give you a justification for it, with a snicker and grin.) Samuel L. is just too cool as a Jedi, Yoda looks much more like the original that many of use grew up with, and Natalie is a pleasure to watch. The new worlds and new critters were interesting. I agree that the linear battle sequence (as opposed to Epi I's three fights at once) was much better. There were tense moments, and moments to cheer. The action towards the end will tend to make up for the shortcomings in the beginning. In fact, it almost felt like Lucas was filming a war movie. So George, I guess you are forgiven after all. 7 out of 10.

How do you rate a movie like this? Was I totally engrossed, with nail-biting tension? No. Was I dumbfounded? Yes. Looking at the 'cinema' of this movie, this doesn't deserve a 1. But, looking at it from the bad kung-fu fan perspective, it is a classic. Horrible acting, implausible action, schizophrenic editing, and dialog that makes you wonder if the over-dub actors actually had a script or were improvising. This is to kung-fu movies as Ator is to bad barbarian films: a pinnacle of the worst. For a fun evening, I highly recommend.

If you are looking for a sage tale, full of mystic fantasy that takes you off to into uncharted territories, please, do not watch. If you like really hokey barbarian movies, this is perhaps one of the best.

This is not a good movie. However, that should not discourage you. If you can accept it's badness, you will enjoy it. It is so terrible that you can sit back and laugh. The furry boots, the chest armor that looks like a large dinner plate, the fact that he wants to marry his sister... Miles O'Keeffe kinda looks like an out of work porn star.

If you enjoy really bad movies, this is a must see; one of those few gems that is a funny-but-not-supposed-to-be-funny movie.