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mintchocolatebear
Reviews
The Quick and the Dead (1995)
Just Awful
This film was atrocious.
The only reason "The Quick and the Dead" gets a "3" instead of a "1" is because of its A-list cast. The script and cinematography were D-list at best.
Had I not known that the actors were taking their lines seriously, or that it was filmed as a serious western, I would have mistaken it for a comedy. Or worse, a spoof. The camera angles were uninspiring and overused, the music was bawdy and clichéd, and the filming tricks belonged in a western-themed commercial for picante salsa. Leonardo DiCaprio alone had me bursting out laughing at the canned dialogue. When Sharon Stone asks him why he's fighting, the long pause and lack of music (both intended for tension and effect) had me shout "RESPECT!" at the television. DiCaprio then says, "I'm doing it for respect." I might have been a bit sad at the scenes where characters cried, but I was too busy rolling my eyes at Russell Crowe's frequent drop into his Australian accent. Hackman and Stone seemed to stroll through the film as if they were going through rehearsals. Or it's possible they were trying to save their artistic energy for "Casino" (Stone) and "Crimson Tide" (Hackman), both of which held my attention far longer than "Quick". I smiled at seeing Lance Henriksen, Keith David, and Gary Sinise on my television, but then frowned at the horribly small and nearly unimportant roles each were thrown.
The flashbacks to the death of the Marshall reminded me of Harmonica's flashbacks to his brother's death in "Once Upon a Time in the West"; except that the Lady's memories were neither haunting nor mysterious. Rather, they were more an intrusion into an already dry storyline. Removing them might not have improved the film, but it would have at least reduced the amount of time needed to finish watching it.
None of the final 20 minutes were a surprise. Though I won't give the specifics of the ending away, it wouldn't be a stretch to call it a "happily ever after". So much for a gripping and taut film. I'd call this movie a "popcorn flick", but it's not quirky enough to enjoy as an oddity or cult classic. It's just too boring. Utterly, and completely boring.
I'll end my criticism here, as continuing would just lead to pointless griping. But before I go, I will say this: "The Quick and the Dead" showed that a title can describe exactly how a film can pass through my conscious. The time spent thinking of this movie was "Quick", and my interest in it is now "Dead".
G.I. Joe (1985)
Thank God I didn't watch more than one episode...
This was...horrible.
I grew up in the military (the Air Force) and knew what we did, why we did it, and what sacrifice was about. One thing is absolutely certain. We never, EVER used tactics or people like those found in G.I. Joe.
Not only was G.I. Joe made in the Reaganomic era of "America, right or wrong", it pandered to the most basal of children's' feelings..."go ahead and hurt things when you get angry. Never mind the moral, social, emotional, international, financial and physical consequences of your actions."
Give me a break, already. The only time I got a good look at G.I Joe as a child, I was completely bored with its lack of quality. The animation was cheap and effortless, the characters were insulting stereotypes, and the scripts were a ham-fisted attempt at shoving simplistic messages down kids' throats. Even worse, it was all packaged in half an hour of glorified uber-violence in which nobody ever died or was arrested for tresspassing, destruction of property and vehicles, or assault with a deadly weapon. No governments were informed of the Joe's actions, no diplomacy was tried, and no real-world reasons were given for the villains actions. This was the absolute peak of crap-tastic '80s propaganda.
To top it off, each episode jammed a 30-second blurb into children's heads which said that violence solved nothing, all while repudiating the previous 20 minutes of gratuitous mayhem. Absolute hypocrisy.
No wonder my generation grew up so physically violent.
I recently viewed an episode (I can't remember where) and didn't know whether to shake my head in disgust, or simply laugh at its stupidity. To solve my dilemma, I changed over to Comedy Central.
Recently, the 30-second PSAs at the end of several Joe episodes have been edited, spliced, and remade into comical spoofs of themselves. I find these non-sensical clips eminently more creative AND enjoyable than the actual television show. "Porkchop sandwiches!!"
Yo-o-o Fenslerfilm!
Yes, we need the military. Yes, we need them to be out there keeping America safe. And yes, we must be vigilant in the face of hate and ignorance. But we don't need our children learning about violence and conflict from "G.I. Joke". They hear enough about that sort of thing from the news.
Now you know. And knowing is half the battle. (The other half is making wise decisions.)
TaleSpin (1990)
Great show, more mature than others.
When I first saw TaleSpin (The correct spelling) in 1990, I enjoyed it for the animation and simple way of telling a story. Now, 11 years later, I still like it. The humor hasn't aged, the animation is yet cleaner than most of today's toons, and the characters are still some of the most realistic personalities captured in a cartoon.
Unlike most animated productions, this one actually DOES cover the broad range of ages from 4 - 12, due to it's almost total lack of animated "Cuteness". The writing is clever, and rarely injects the cliches which are often used by kids shows. A few of the stories are even more mature than those on most "grownup" shows.
TaleSpin is a great flick. Worth the watch.
Dr. Phibes Rises Again (1972)
So bad, I laughed my head off.
My father said that when he saw this film, and Abominable Dr. Phibes, as a young man, they scared him half to death. I watched the first a few months ago and now I'm watching the second (on cable TV). Both are so bad that I can't even try to take us seriously, yet I can't stop watching. They must have some campy charm which I'm not immune to. If remade today, they would never get into the theaters.
Best seen on Halloween eve.
Space (1985)
Very good, even for today.
I saw this movie in 1988 and I found it to be a very entertaining history on early space travel. It ranks up there with The Right Stuff and Apollo 13. The acting was great, and the story progressed at a good clip. If you find this on Cable TV someday, watch it. You won't be disappointed.