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Snakehead Terror (2004 TV Movie)
2/10
Tearjerking
23 November 2006
A shocker in ever sense of the word, even the usually fit biologist looked like she'd fallen asleep with a bot-ox needle stuck in her face, I couldn't work out most of the film, like the 'shock' on peoples faces when they saw something, but we (the viewer) didn't get to see, like the insides of the snakeheads gut's on the pier, the old bloke in the chair etc. etc. unless i was just watching a cut version but I cant believe they would bother cutting this tripe. The lake was nice and pretty but basically that was the only thing worth watching about this pathetically lame film. If a snake head fish started crawling after me I'd boot it in the head. There is no way any snakehead fish could kill me, the one that looked like a whale at the end might have a go but lets be honest you're never going to get snakehead fish that big. If they were going to include a monster snakehead fish the size of a whale at the finale why didn't they have it do something, like rear up out of the water and swallow someone like miss bot-ox? All the giant snakehead did was bang into the jetty a couple of times like can't you see the jetty pal.. oh please don't bang into the jetty its so frightening, I could have picked it off with a catapult. I quite like monster films but prefer them not to be made into comedies, it just feels like everyone involved in movies like this are in it for one thing, money, not credibility and certainly not to provide viewer satisfaction.
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7/10
Pumpkin-based terror
14 August 2006
Saw this film again recently after watching it as a kid in the 80s. Nobody else seems to like this film but personally i thought it was great. Maybe its because I'm a sucker for nostalgia and 80's B Movie 'shockers' and sci-fi generally, but also because I love Carpenter's work, especially from this period (and even though he didn't direct this he did produce it and it has many of his hallmarks) - The score is excellent and the whole film has the mood of a period of film-making that is forever imprinted upon my psyche. The story is typically ludicrous and fanciful to the extreme, (the theft of parts of Stonehenge and transportation to Western US for example, and the formation of snakes and insects out of thin air, but then we are talking witchcraft here so fair enough...)

A very bizarrely positioned film in a series that was both preceded and succeeded by psycho-killer Micheal Myers' character, this is in my opinion a little b-movie gem.
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Phase IV (1974)
8/10
Ant-based action
12 July 2006
Arty Saul bass warped 70's take on ants evolving into the next chronological phase of existence, hell bent on the eventual destruction of all things living to return Earth to sole ANT COMMAND. Arizona based military ant research station manned by ubiquitous English professor of the tweed-ridden, eccentric and eventually insane type and his USA state understudy field expert military payroll type sidekick, embark upon controlling th'ant behaviour before it reaches unprecedented levels of atrocity, cue several phases of individually and symbolically coloured pesticide sprayed at close range into billions of attacking antennaballs, followed by ant backlash of sunlight directing mayhem.. Ants eradicating entire towns of humans, Ants eating peoples hands, through V8 engines, horses... entire stone and timber buildings succumb to the marauding ant power. snakes, lizards, bird-eating spiders, praying mantis - no suitable quarry for the game ant hordes...

Don't want to spoil the ending so you'll have to watch this 1973 cult classic. worth it if only for the brilliant cinematography, major financial failure for Saul, who unfortunately never attempted anything similarly bold again.
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